Monday, December 29, 2003


I've had a few comments suggesting my vocabulary tends to fly over the cuckoo's head. So for the benefit of all of my erudite readers (all four of you) I share this little gem of a blog entry over at The Primal Purge entitled "Post Coital".

    You can call me erudite or just plain rude. Either way, I'm in. How's the back, Olddog?
    Comment from rbushu - 1/4/04 8:59 PM

Friday, December 26, 2003

Tempus Fugits

Tempus Fugits
by Wil


Woke up this morning with a start!

Overslept, I had.

Panicing I am, yup, yup.

To town, lickety split.

Dropped off the anchor,

to toil amid the bone fields.

While I a langorous breakfast took,

surveying news with coffee and cream.

Thence to the druggist with script in hand,

seeking this and that for ills and chills

and rushing pell-mell to the grocery,

to see what's doing there,

paying fat cat canadian power brokers

for the energy that brings this

stinking poem home to you.

The Friday 5 Does 2003

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
Getting out of bed?
2. What was your biggest disappointment?
The day the ATM ate my card...
3. What do you hope the new year brings?
Fewer bills, more checks.
4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
Nope... from past experience I know it is futile.
5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
A quiet evening at home with my wife..... if she has to work the next day. Else she'll be off to an orgy and I'll be entertaining my mistress at a fancy hotel in Montreal... NOT!

This entry has 2 comments:
    2003 must have been a most fulfilling year for you :) Cute entry!

    Comment from popitart - 12/28/03 10:03 PM

    lol ya know .. i've never made a new years resolution .. not one .. maybe i should make a resolution to make a resolution .. some day .. hmmm .. maybe i'll just put it off till next year when i have more time to think lol
    Comment from his1desire - 12/28/03 8:40 AM

Christmas Hangover

The ringing in my head is gone. Ahh R-E-L-I-E-F spells Rolaids..... Time was, the day after Christmas was a head pounding, body aching, stomach churning event to be avoided at all costs if there was an inch or ten of whiskey left in the bottle. Now, we venture forth all alone, unbuttressed by ethyl alcohol, and STILL manage to slip on the ice and fall on our butts! What's up with that, anyway?

The bells, the bells... that is, the Salvation Army solicitors have packed up their buckets and bells for another year. All stores were closed here save convenience stores under 1500 s.f. (part of Maine's "Blue Laws") so traffic into town on Christmas Day was nil. Not so in the evening - seemed like everyone just HAD to go to the movies, or Grandma's, or out to eat. For a major State and National holiday, as well as a seemingly major event in the lives of those who participate in the dominant religion hereabouts, there sure was a bargeload of traffic for a non-work day.

On the road this morning I came swooping along in the snow flurries and flew over a hill and into a valley and Whoopsadaisy!!!! there was no traction left as I slid across the culvert and up the other side. As fast as you can say "Bob's your Uncle," little one, I was back onto wet pavement and fishtailing along as the traction had returned with a vengance. Once we'd managed to remove the seat covers from our bottoms and slowed for the stop sign onto the main road, it was "No hassles, mon," all the way into Bangor. This little bit of snow flurry has covered all of the ugliness exposed by the inch of rain and snow-eating fog of gargantuan proportions which consumed us on Christmas Day. The cellar has about 4 inches of water (nature abhors a vacuum, don'tcha know, and what else is a cellar but a stormwater collection basin to Mother Nature?) so the feral kitties (aka "The Dirty Dozen") are all huddled on the porch for warmth in a vain attempt at staying dry. Willow-the-Wonder-Dog daintily minces through the mud in the dooryard to the old snowbanks left by plowing to make her deposit on the "Universal Excrement Exchange Formerly Known As A Lawn."

That's life down here on the funny farm. Hope Santa fulfilled your wishes whilst he emptied your pocketbook. And may all your spirits be on ice!

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Merry Christmas

Sorry I haven't blogged lately. Nothing new here that hasn't been covered in the evening news. I do wish one and all a hearty Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year. May all your dreams come true in the fullness of time.
If you are feeling extra specially charitable, the Derosset Family lost their home and pets to fire last weekend. Visit the web site and make a donation, eh?

This entry has 2 comments:
    Merry Christmas wil !! i feel bad for anyone who experiences a great loss .. especialy during the holidays .. i understand her community is really coming through for them and i think its awesome that a few aol journalers have created a way for the journal community to help out too
    my best to you wil
    your friend
    Comment from his1desire - 12/25/03 9:13 AM

    Merry Christmas to you! I'm killin' time waiting for the family to be ready for 10:30 candlelight service and have stumbled upon your journal... I'll be back!

    ~ Karyn
    Comment from karynetaylor - 12/24/03 9:06 PM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Take The Test

Get over to 'That Happy Chica's' Journal and take the referenced political spectrum test

Bah Humbug!

Too much snow to shop - back is out and the plow truck is still down. Computer decided it couldn't find the AOL dialer so have been incommunicado until I managed to fire up an old copy of AOL 8 which doesn't make use of the dialer. More to come but off to bed - 5 AM comes way too early when you have to shovel snow to get the car out of the drive. Ciao!

This entry has 1 comments:
    wil .. my daughters computer is having the same issues with 9.0 so we have to use 8.0 .. not sure what is up with that but it sure is frustrating
    Comment from his1desire - 12/17/03 8:19 AM

Friday, December 12, 2003

Christmas Decorations For Light Days

Tampon Angel Pattern - make your own Christmas angels using tampons, talk about a feminine touch! Plus it gives the recently menopausal something to do with that box of leftovers.

A Special Gift For The Guy On Your List

At a loss for suitable gifts for those redneck cousins? Something for Uncle Cletus, perhaps? Get what every guy needs, the Underwear Repair Kit ... You'll be glad you did!

This entry has 1 comments:
    Hey olddog we might be redneck cousins, but we don't have to shovel snow. Its short sleeve weather down here in Texas. Like your journal. Paula
    Comment from plieck30 - 12/27/03 9:03 PM
The Friday Five

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays? While it often seems like it wouldn't be Christmas without snow and frost bitten nose, toes and fingers, the fact is, I could really do without the winter weather.

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?
My ideal holiday celebration would involve swim suits, scuba tanks, Jamaican Rum and hot women. I'll settle for ersatz eggnog at home with my wife as we toast our toes on the kerosene stove.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?
Nope, other than only 1 in 5 years sees us with the desire to put up a tree. All of our children and grandchildren live so far away that we rarely bother decorating.

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?
What do you mean? I AM needy.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?
World Peace. No, really. Just once in my lifetime I'd like to go to sleep without war or the specter of impending nuclear doom hovering over our heads.

This entry has 1 comments:
    #1 -- i can so relate .. christmas isn't the same without the snow .. even though i hate the cold !! my son, in hawaii, is still surfing .. something about THAT just isn't right !!
    Comment from his1desire - 12/12/03 9:08 AM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Christmas in Australia

Christmas in Australia

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oy, Oy, Oy! Christmas in Oz is often a joy. Take the the Aussie version of "Jingle Bells" fer instance:

Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It's Summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia
on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Mayhap you wonder what brought this on? It was -5ยบ F. this morning when I got up. Wife complained the seat was solid when she went out to start the car as both of us (me and the car) are slow starters in the morning. Driving her to work I remarked on our "SpongeBob square tires" as we thumped up the hill leaving out of the driveway on tires with Aramid belts which have taken the profile of the ground they rested upon overnight in the cold. On mornings like this, I check out the weather reports of warmer climes, like Western Australia to ease the ache in my bones.

Thanks and a tip of le chapeau to "Lockergnome Windows Fanatics" newsletter which referenced the "Christmas in Australia" site this morning.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

HUMOR: The Doctor

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him:

"Joe, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single.Let it go. "

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Joe, you're a Vet."

Monday, December 08, 2003

Mother Nature - 1 Snowpooch - 0

Radiator blew on the plow truck. Bah humbug!

The Feline Terminator

What happens when you have

1) nothing to do

2) a sharp knife

3) a large lime

4) a patient cat

5) too much tequila

6) and it's football season?

This entry has 2 comments:
    Make mine a margarita and pass the chips and salsa. I'll watch the game and terrorize the kitty with you.
    Comment from rbushu - 12/11/03 9:17 AM

    ROFL!!!! tehehehe... Oh, that's toooo cute! Patient cat is an understatment in this case, I think. Reminds me of the evil cat from the movie "Cats & Dogs". I love it!
    Comment from slowmotionlife - 12/8/03 7:00 PM

Sunday, December 07, 2003

Saturday Night

Saturday night,

we all got together at the usual place,

like we usually do.

Saturday night,

we tried something different.....

Peanut Butter Bagels and goldfish stew!

From a folk song I heard in 1968 - unsure of the author.

SWMBO* and I spent Saturday night at the local Emergency Room. This is not how I recommend spending that oh so precious night of the weekend. This was the culmination of hours of nagging by the aforementioned significant other as well as my brother and various stepchildren and inlaws/outlaws and the doctor covering for my physician.

By now you may have a suspicion I didn't want to go. You'd be right on the money, Sherlock.

Actually, the problem started on Friday evening. It had been a long day and I was tired by early evening. Upon sitting down to supper I discovered I was having some difficulty with swallowing. My lips didn't want to cooperate on the right side of my face. I figured it was just muscle strain as it felt sort of like I couldn't open my mouth all the way -- like when your jaw is having a cramp, y'know? So, being a guy, I just ignored it and proceeded to stuff my face as best I could, trying hard to minimize the slurping from uncooperative lips.

So I ignored the problem and come Saturday morning I can't get my eye to work as it should on the right side. But there's a blizzard coming and the snowplow has to be fired up and readied to do battle with that nasty white stuff. No mean feat as it hasn't moved from where it was parked after losing its last battle with the tag team of Jack Frost and Mother Nature. Gas needs to be got. Wipers must be found. Battery needs charging. Then comes climbing up into the cavernous engine compartment (it's a 1978 3/4 ton 4X4, 350 c.i. with a 4 barrel Holley) and priming the carburetor as there's a hole in the suction line from the tank to the fuel pump that will necessitate complete removal of the tank to repair - one of those "roundtuit" jobs for another day.

Keep in mind it's 11 degrees and the breeze is blowing. So the fact my eye is drying out doesn't bother me - it's windy, after all. And the stiff neck and pain behind the ear - that's OK, too - must have strained it. Except it turns out that wifey has noted the bloodshot eye and the slack jaw and has been on the phone all morning rousing the (ire of) troops. Coffee break time brings an irate stepdaughter who accuses me of not thinking of her wellbeing - seems that if I croak then she'd have to take care of her mother and she wouldn't want THAT in a million years.

Huh? Where in hell did that come from?

Well, trust me to procrastinate some more until the other half is near frantic enough to pull out all the stops. First, she has my brother threaten me. Then the doctor. So finally, I relent. With 2 inches of snow on the ground and more promised, off to the ER we go, slipping and sliding along merrily. More waiting in the waiting room. At Reception. In the cubicle.

Nurse Jim interrogates me and then opines, "Looks like Bell's Palsey to me." I've been at this job for over a week and that's what I think the Doc will say. Get undressed put this "johnnie" on and wait for him on the bed."

More waiting, this time with my back exposed to the wall. In bounces Tigger, er, Dahwayne, the P.A. "Nurse Jim tells me you are competing for Bell's palsy Poster Boy."

Oh joy. A jokester. "Grrr -- hold still so I can beat you," thinks I. But no, Dahwayne stands there with his full arm and shoulder Eagle tattoo flexing, up and down, as he literally squirms in his scrubs, picture of 30 y.o. health and vitality, intoning how he has been on the job for more than a week (ER catchphrase of the day?) and that there was nothing to be done except keep the eye moist when sleeping with saline eyedrops and a patch taped over the eye. "Things'll resolve themselves in a couple three months or more and that recurrences, er, recur."

Nurse Jim returns, shows me "how to patch up" and tells me to get dressed and "get outta here." No one has examined me. Why the phreak did I have to get undressed in the first place? Oh well. On with the clothes and out the door. White knuckle it home on greasy roads in low visibility. But wife is relieved. I suppose that's worth the aggravation and expense. It's only Bell's palsy, not a stroke or TIA.

Rest In Peace, Frank

Frank Ruiz, 57 of Tampa, Florida and AOL Hometown's Journal On Whining Well was found dead in his apartment on Saturday. He is survived by his two children and a plethora of friends and acquaintances.

Frank was a writer by profession, obsession and trade. He came up in the ranks of the newspaper business. Like all writers, he was working on a novel. Frank was a complicated man and didn't always know right from wrong. People he loved, people who loved him along the way often were badly hurt by his emotional carelessness. Frank was an alcoholic. He came to an understanding of his disease only recently and in some ways he was still in denial.

Above all else, Frank was a mensch -- a human's human. He will be missed.

This entry has 3 comments:
    Like all of us, Frank showed us what he wanted us to know. That was enough for me. He gave us the broad brush strokes, we filled in the details with our imaginations. That way, he was something unique to each of us who read his work. Thank you, Olddog for showing us his face.
    Comment from rbushu - 12/11/03 9:25 AM

    I must agree with all you have said and SloMo's comment as well. He was much more complicated and private than we would have thought.

    Comment from lovebluevw - 12/10/03 4:33 PM

    It's funny to me that I continue to learn so much about him after his death. It almost feels a betrayal... he never trusted us with this information, and so it feels wrong to learn them now. Somehow. So sad.

    A human's human... yes. To be imperfect is to be human. None of us are lacking in need of forgiveness or love. I love this entry. Thank you for sharing it.
    Comment from slowmotionlife - 12/8/03 7:05 PM

Ugh! Snow.

Half way through a predicted 60 hour storm. Snow is tapering to flurries as the current band of precipitation passes into memory. Much more on the horizon. There was a solid 18" on the ground, judging by that oh-so-unreliable measure, "Willow the Wonder Wimp", the current doggie possessor of my canine heart. She stands a bit over 26" at the shoulder and was plowing through it above the nipple line when not hopping like a demented hare as she went out to do her "business." The look she gave me when her hoohah hit the white stuff was of the seriously betrayed variety.

They say the winds will begin in earnest any second now. It seems the solid 25 mph, gusting to 35 mph was merely a prelude to what daylight will bring in just an hour or two - steady winds in the 40-plus range with higher gusts. Oh joy. Most things are cancelled. Town plow has blocked the end of the driveway, burying the nose of the car so only the flourescent green alien atop the antenna is visible.

Remind me why I still live in Maine.....

This entry has 1 comments:
    Because it's beautiful there. That's why.
    Comment from rbushu - 12/11/03 9:26 AM