Saturday, April 30, 2005
Each week, Patrick, disguised as Pattboy92 - mild-mannered newsboy and promos producer, posits a series of questions designed to elicit revealing answers. Your job, if you choose to accept it, would be to acquire a set of questions for yourself, answer them in your own blog or journal and then post a link in the comments to this week's Saturday Six at Patrick's Place for the whole world to see. I am told by reliable sources that a highball or two make the whole process so much easier...
1. What do you tend to focus on the most?
A. The past.
B. The present.
C. The future as you think it will be.
D. The future as you are afraid it will be.
2. Name three famous people (living or dead) whose blogs you would like to be able to read.
Samuel Clemens (AKA Mark Twain), Will Rogers and Johnny Carson -- they all had funny POV's.
3. How long have you lived in your current residence? How much longer do you intend to live in the same place?
I have lived here for 28 years and I expect to die under this roof ... how far in the future that event may be is anybody's guess.
4. Take the pointless quiz: What color is your heart?
My Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
5. How many of AOL's journalers have you met in person? How many have you spoken with by telephone?
Finally, an easy one -- none and none.
6. RAPID FIRE Question #2: Who or what is the most annoying:
a) Politician - George Bush
b) Late Night Talk Show Host - David Letterman
c) Color - Avocado Green
d) Habit - Cell Phoning in public
e) Female Celebrity - Paris Hilton
f) Male Celebrity - Adam Sandler
g) Television Show - Anything on FOX
h) Commercial - Exercise machines & diet pills
i) Fashion Statement - platform heels
j) Word - halcyon
Friday, April 29, 2005
Your Taste in Music:
|Classic Rock: High Influence|
|80's Rock: Medium Influence|
|90's Pop: Medium Influence|
|80's Pop: Low Influence|
|90's Alternative: Low Influence|
|Progressive Rock: Low Influence|
Extra credit: Find a link you think your mother might like. What is it?
OK folks (you too, John). Over there on the right hand column of The Daily Snooze on AOL you'll see some links to other blogs. Of the first five, four are outside of AOL Journals land and have occupied the top 5 spaces since I started this blog in July of 2003 on AOL.
Shauny, the feline dominatrix of What's New, Pussycat? is an Australian ex-pat living in Scotland and is currently in the midst of getting married. Her blog epitomizes what's right in the field of nonpolitical female blogs -- fast, quirky, sexy, funny, thought-provoking and poignant.
Second in line is the stereotypical angry, urban professional, who just so happens to be female and a writer in this case. She doesn't post often but when she does -- look out. Give the bunny a try -- but just remember, President Carter nearly lost the family jewels to a killer rabbit ... (Required Warning For AOL TOS purposes: The Angry Little Rabbit uses anglo-saxonisms that are considered rude, crude and lewd, like words that start with "F" a lot, and "S" and "P" and I suppose "Q,R,T,U & V", also.)
The bare Bear is an Ursid of a different color. I suppose I should have removed him a while ago, because he has pretty much stopped blogging. I can't bring myself to do it. In his day, he was the sharpest pencil in the "Clinton's a Fool" box. Someone needed to say the things he did. I miss his insights ... but his honeymoon photos are superb!
Finally, The Bacon and Ehs are just wicked funny. A blogging Canadian couple, they have a decidedly wicked, lusty, bawdy way of approaching the world. It's Canada-centric, eh? And some of the best NOTB humor I have come across. Do give them a try. My mother would have loved them.
Speaking of my long-dead mother, over on The Daily Snooze at Blogger I put up a blogroll or list of blogs I read via Bloglines, an aggregator that allows me to keep up with the 136 public blogs I follow regularly (there's another 20 or so private blogs on AOL I track on a more sporadic basis as I can't conveniently get to them). If you go down the list to the "Must Reads" category, down near the bottom you'll find Kat's Stuff. A 39 y.o. mother and working wife, she is irreverent, funny, earthy, funny, dizzy, funny and startlingly frank, lewd, crude and tattooed. Did I mention funny? My mother, the poor woman who birthed three boys over four years and found herself dead at 41, would have loved Kat no end. Maybe you will, too. Tell her "wil sent you" when you stop by.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
1. What season are you in right now? Mud Season
2. Do you celebrate anything special this time of year? Snow melting.
3. Name 3 things that come to mind when you think of spring (or your current season)? Mud, rain, snow.
4. In the current season, about how many hours of the day are daylight hours? 11
5. Do you do any 'spring cleaning?' I don't clean at other times of the year, why do anything different?
6. Do you wash your own car or take it to the car wash? Car wash - after pot hole season ends.
7. Do you hang your laundry out on a clothesline on nice days? Yes, and on bad days, too. The line is under cover on the kitchen porch.
Get yourself a copy of the questions and leave a link to your answers in the comments at the Monday Madness site. Have a great week, dahlinks.
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice, "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding his penis in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer test again."
Monday, April 18, 2005
Erica writes this week and said,"I apologize for the absence of a Sunday Brunch last week. I was out of town, and it completely slipped my mind until Monday, so I thought I'd just take the weekend off. Sorry!"
Not that it would have mattered - I wasn't in any position to type on Monday, anyway. Recuperation is slow but steady, pain is manageable most of the time as long as I don't overdo it.
But here we are again!
1) Do you eat breakfast on a regular basis and why or why not?
I eat something akin to breakfast most days -- I've never been a real fan of food when I first wake up.
2) What is your typical everyday breakfast?
A bowl of cereal with fruit. Toast and eggs. Something like that is most common.
3) How do you eat your eggs?
4) What is your favorite restaurant to eat breakfast out at?
My favorite used to be the dining car on the train from New York to Philadelphia. Great grits.
5) Describe your perfect breakfast in detail.
My favorite breakfast is something that resembles brunch and consists of a small bowl of hot cereal, fruit juice, preferably fresh, rather than from concentrate. A waffle with a couple rashers of bacon on the side with fruit compote or maple syrup to top it off, one egg scrambled on the other side. And coffee throughout... before anything, with everything and by itself after the food is gone. No children allowed. A good paper to read while eating. Somewhere to stroll to afterward, preferably near water. That's the makings of a perfect breakfast -- good, simple food, no stress or strife until after the food is digested.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
For a year, Patrick has been plaguing us. May the second year be better than the first!
1. Where did you buy the last fast food you ate?
Twin City Pizza
2. What was the last movie you watched in a theater?
It's been over a year. I was with my wife, it was a Tuesday night dollar showing, but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was. Possibly the Horse WHisperer, but I think that wasn't it. I do know I saw "Babe In The City" there at a dollar showing, I just can't recall if that was the last movie I saw...
3. When you walk into a room, what do you think people notice first about you? What do you wish they'd notice first about you?
My incredible girth precedes me. I wish it was my good looks...
4. You win a special lottery but you aren't allowed to keep any of the money. Instead, it must go to a single charitable organization. Which would you choose and why?
Project Literacy -- you can never have too many people who can read and think for themselves.
5. What was the subject of the most recent E-mail you forwarded?
[HelpWithWindows Newsletter] - Microsoft Releases MSN Messenger 7, MSN Spaces
6. Without looking, which of the previous five questions would you most expect to have been asked in the very first episode of the "Saturday Six?" After you answer, if you go back to the first edition, don't reveal the answer here.
I suspect it might have been number three.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Extra Credit: Tell us: Would you have listened to your own bit of advice as a teenager? Be honest, now.
My father offered this up to me one day as we were standing in front of a pissoir at a state fair grounds near Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
"Never pass up a chance to take a piss;" he said, "the bladder you save, may be your own."
I didn't give it much thought at the time, but as I age and such things as "water pills" and matters of the "prostate" enter my view scape, the advice has taken on a whole new meaning. It's particularly piquant in light of my brother's battles with bladder cancer.
I became an 'instant daddy' when I married my first wife; she had two children, 5 and 7. I took that advice of my father's to heart when shepherding them back and forth from here in Maine to their father's home in Vermont. Five year olds haven't the storage capacity that 25 year olds do, even if they do drink the same sized soda at Mickey-D's. So my carefully planned rest breaks, developed from years of commuting between the two states, were next to useless in light of the plaintive wails emanating from the back seat ... "I've got to goooo. " "Me too, BAD!"
Well, traveling US Route 2 in northern Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont isn't like driving the New Jersey Turnpike. Rest stops are few and far between, particularly after dark in winter. They mostly consist of freezing cold outhouses which can only be reached after trudging knee-deep through the snow, then shoveling out the door enough with your foot to let the youngest pass with the flashlight held out in front of her like a light saber, ready to do battle with the demons of the Stygian Depths within.
Then comes the waiting. Did you know that little girls are very self-conscious when they discover that others can hear them pee into a giant holding tank? Little brothers know this from the time they are hatched! And, they let little sisters know about it in no uncertain terms from just outside, while hopping from one foot to another, threatening to enter and do unspeakable things that their mother would definitely disapprove of, except she knew better than to leave the warmth of the car in the middle of nowhere at o'dark thirty...
Now, as I travel down the ever steepening decline of life, I find myself in need of the pause that refreshes far more often than in my youth. My father's advice comes in exceedingly handy, even if I didn't understand it's true import the first time I contemplated it's meaning.
Our best to Krissy and Athena and congrats on finishing off the "Rough Guide To Science Fiction." Admittedly it isn't the end of November, but then again, we always knew THAT target date was overly optimistic.
Grins and giggles,
PS Just a gentle reminder. They are chiseling open the carpal tunnel on my right wrist on Monday, the new computer is still DOA and this old one doesn't do sound bites very well -- it's going to be a few weeks before you hear from me again, I suspect. I'll post an "I'm OK" entry after the anesthesia wears off, but it'll be strictly hunt and peck with my off hand's pinkie finger. Longer entries are out of the question. Ciao!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Pissed Off Patricia over at BlondeSense had a great post today which included this gem:
“A six-day trip to Moscow in 1997 by then-House Majority Whip Tom DeLay, R-Texas, was underwritten by business interests lobbying in support of the Russian government, according to four people with firsthand knowledge of the trip arrangements.”
Isn't THAT special?
Finally, It's Wednesday - Hump Day. For the wage slave workweek stiffs amongst you, Happy Hump Day - it's all downhill from here...
Monday, April 04, 2005
Update: Increased type size - the original was unreadable in Bloglines. Sorry about that.
Otto must be coming down with spring fever ... all the questions this week deal with our locales. Maybe she's thinking of moving...
The following questions all begin with Where you live...
1. ...did you have to turn your clocks forward one hour this weekend?
Yes we did... I'm still trying to get to them all.
2. ...what is the price of gasoline?
I noticed at Sam's Club this evening - Regular is$2.149 and Premium is$2.269 for members -- that's about .05/gallon less than full retail around here.
3. ...which natural disasters, if any, do you have to worry about?
Hurricanes, blizzards, floods, drought, pests and plagues ... the usual biblical shit.
4. ...do you have a local newspaper, and if so, do you subscribe to it?
Yes, and no.
5. ...do you subscribe to a local cable company for television viewing?
No - I have satelite.
6. ...what is the speed limit on your road/street?
45 MPH which is interpreted universally to mean 60 MPH.
7. ...how far do you have to drive to the nearest post office?
8. ...what is the average temperature in April? 40°F
9. ...what is the average temperature in December? 26°F
10. ...are your four seasons drastically different from one another?
There's an old saying here, "Maine has nine months of winter ... and three months of hard sledding." Spring and Autumn do represent a change, but it isn't long duration like some places even only 300 miles to the south. We tend to go from 40's and 50's in April and early May into 80's in late May and June, with a lot of 30 degree nights sprinkled throughout. Summers are generally hot and muggy inland with the only true coolth at the coast.
Winters are horrid and rival those of the upper peninsula in Michigan, northern Minnesota and Wisconsin for nastiness, cold and snow. On the coast, while milder, you have to contend with the bone-chilling, heat-robbing cold of the Gulf of Maine. For us cold-blooded types, it'll do. The rest of the world finds it inhospitable in extremis.
Get your own copy of the Monday Madness questions by visiting the official Monday Madness web site. There you can sign up for the mailing - notification list, leave a link to your answers in the comments and check out the others who regularly let slip the traces of sanity to frolic and fornicate in the moonlight ... did I say that out loud?
Sunday, April 03, 2005
"In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything."
- Jeffery F. Chamberlain
1) What state were you born in?
I wasn't. I was born in the District of Columbia, although my mother often swore I was born in a state of confusion...
2) What state do you currently live in?
Maine. "The way life should be..." by which they mean some of the highest taxes in the land, lowest average salaries and some of the world's worst weather.
3) How many states have you been in? (and yes, driving through counts!)
Alot. I lost count. I think. Seems like I answered that for a meme sometime last year. If I recollect correctly, I'd been to 44 states, maybe more. It's almost easier to say where I haven't been. I answered the question here.
4) If you had your choice regardless of cost, which of the 50 states would you choose to live in?
Maine in the summer, Florida in the winter and we'd spend spring and fall traveling the US in an RV.
5) Which of the 50 states would you rather die than live in?
California, specifically Southern California, excluding San Diego (but only barely) until you get up to Santa Barbara. The rest of Northern and most of eastern California is great. Actually, I could live anywhere, but LA and NYC are two metro areas that are on my list of "I'd rather die than live in..." Of course, the old jokes about the grand prize in a contest being a week in Philadelphia with second prize being two weeks in Philly have a basis in reality.
Weekend Assignment #53: Recount a tale of a particularly successful April Fool's prank you perpetrated, had perpetrated on you, or witnessed personally. As a matter of humor, it's best if the pranks are not merely cruel (i.e., if it ends with someone in tears or in the hospital, that's probably stretching the limits of the phrase "successful April Fool's prank"), but aside from that, bring 'em on.
Extra Credit: Prank someone famous. Tell us how.
Sad to say, I'm a serious kind of guy. I don't prank people. I deliver lines with a straight, albeit bearded, face. I don't drink. I'm a stand up citizen (there's never any seats in church on Judgment Day). So I am hard-stretched to think of an April Fool's Day prank, successful or otherwise.
However, as noted below, I married my wife on April Fool's Day, so I guess the joke's on me. But before the marriage, I had to discover just how gullible my wife-to-be was. So one evening over a great meal, just before the first snows of Autumn, my gal, my brother and I were sitting at the table with my beloved and the topic happened to land on snakes. Tammi went to great lengths detailing her hatred and horror of snakes, her anger at discovering we have some garter snakes living in an old elm tree stump on the front lawn which means she'll not even ride the mower within 20 feet of the stump -- she just refuses to mow that part of the lawn...
I casually mentioned she'd have to use a certain amount of caution when walking to the mailbox if the driveway wasn't plowed, for fear of the snow snakes. At first she didn't believe me. But I can be extremely persuasive. The coup de grace was delivered by my brother, however, when he insisted, straight-faced, that we were indeed telling her the truth. Snow snakes grow no larger than garter snakes, are white in appearance and spend most of their time pursuing rats, mice and voles by following the rodents' tunnels under the snow. They are nonpoisonous and extremely helpful to the Maine ecology, else we'd be overrun with rodents. My brother is the image of innocence. And, despite that image, or maybe because of it, he can prevaricate with the best of them.
Reluctantly, Tammi believed us. The topic would come up casually and we never told her the truth -- that snow snakes were the product of our overactive and fertile imaginations. We'd simply go along with whatever the reference might be and the wife was none the wiser.
One day, it snowed a wee bit while my wife was at work. Now, being a Southern Belle in Yankeeland was hard enough. But she went off and started telling all and sundry to be careful going to their cars in the parking lot, "'cause the snow snakes might get them." After gales of laughter, ridicule and the general refusal of all and sundry refusing to countenance the tale, she knew she'd been had.
It was a frosty greeting yours truly received that night when I came through the door after work. Not only had it snowed and she'd had to drive in it (Southerners can't drive in snow, don'tcha know), but she'd learned the truth about snow snakes.
"And that is why, Your Honor, that she has never believed another word out of my mouth."
Give our best to Krissy and Athena. Keep your driveway shoveled - wouldn't want the snow snakes to get your girls...
Grins and giggles,
PS. If I had my druthers, I'd like to prank George Bush about his daughters. Say, a phone prank. To the Secret Service - from the Charge d' affairs at the American Consulate in Mexico City. "The girls have been arrested for possession of Ecstasy by los Federales in Piedras Negras (across the Rio Grande from Eagle Pass, Tejas) on Friday evening in a seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks." That the Secret Service accompanying them "had been arrested for illegal possession of handguns by a foreigner" - a felony in Mexico, by the way. That despite their powerful paterfamilias, the Mexican government, in the form of the DA for the state of Chiuahua "refuses to drop the charges because he is running for re-election against a very powerful PAL candidate running on a "Law and Order" campaign..."
I wouldn't tell the Bushes the truth until AFTER he'd declared war on Mexico...
Here are this week's "Saturday Six." Either answer the questions in a comment at Patrick's Place, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL, CompuServe, Netscape or AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment there. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (And if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!
1. What is your favorite fruit? Favorite vegetable? Favorite type of meat? What food causes your diet the most trouble?
My all-time favorite food is Lobster, steamed and served with drawn butter. Favorite veggie are green peas, with corn on the cob a close second. I love all kinds of meat, but a thick sirloin grilled to medium-rare perfection over charcoal has to be at the top of my list this week. Milk - "Santa is lactose-intolerant.".
2. What food do you think has the most ridiculous-sounding name?
Jicama (Yam Bean, MexicanTurnip) is a legume, grown for the large tuberous roots which can be eaten raw or cooked and are used as a source of starch. The Jicama plant is a vine which grows to a length of 20 feet or more. The roots are light brown in color, and may weigh up to 50 pounds. Most of those on the market will weigh between three to five pounds. It sounds like hiccup when pronounced properly.
3. If you had to pick one of the following to experience, which extreme adventure would you choose:
B) Mountain Climbing
C) Scuba Diving
D) Surfing in Hawaii
E) Arctic Hiking in Alaska
F) African Safari
G) White Water Rafting
I've done most all but the skydiving and arctic hiking in Alaska, although my surfing was in Florida, not Hawaii. I've never spent any time in Africa and would really like to do so. Besides, I'm too fat to do any of the other things anymore...
4. What skill do you most wish you could suddenly acquire in your sleep this evening?
I'd like to wake up and discover that I could paint in oils, as a Realist. That'd give me something to do that I just might be able to earn a living at...
5. How many active prescriptions do you have at the moment. Of those, how many do you take regularly?
Fifteen; eleven are taken at least daily.
6. You're considering a major change or a big decision awaits you. Are there any special images you ever dream that tend to guide you in one direction or another or that seem to suggest that the option you're considering is the right one?
I rarely remember dreams and no images come to mind at all from dreams, so this one is a bust.
Have a great week, folks. Going to be a busy week for me getting ready for surgery next Monday which will render my right hand unusable for a while -- there'll not be any regular entries here for a month or more as I can't type well with only one hand. There will be audible entries posted if I ever figure out how to do it without signing up for another service from AOL. Rest assured I will return eventually to annoy you with my blatherings. In the meantime, keep you and your families well.
1. Renewal:: overdue
2. Someone to talk to:: friend
3. Count:: Chocula
4. Expiration:: date
5. Upload:: file
6. Publish:: novel
7. Holy:: shit!
8. Change in the air:: weather
9. Titillating:: old maids (???)
10. Glorious:: sunset
I haven't a clue where "old maids" came from and I didn't have an image of the card games, it was an image of my Great Aunt and her cronies having tea on the veranda of her summer home in Sorrento, Maine. I wasn't more than 5 at the time ... that's be 1955 for the mathematically challenged.
AOL will have a problem with the "S" word, so will change it to something their bot doesn't recognize as being bad in American English. The rest of us know dung from Dunkirk, however.
Get your own list and leave a link to your answers over at La Luna Nina. Remember, muttering under your breath is a subversive activity guaranteed to get you thrown out of a George Bush "Town Meeting." So keep muttering and leave them wondering what's gotten into your bonnet.
Friday, April 01, 2005
It's April 1. Most folks (in the USA) know it as April Fools' Day. It's a very special day to me, though and has nothing to do with practical jokes, pranks or yanking cranks. It's our sixth wedding anniversary. Yep, just six short years ago, SWMBO and I stood, in front of a half dozen witnesses, in the gazebo at Cascade Park in Bangor on a fine, spring day, listening to a coworker of my wife's recite some strange vows she and the better half had cooked up. Tammi had been ill with the flu for nearly a week. I came down with it that morning. After an exceedingly fine lunch at the late, lamented Paul's Restaurant, we repaired to our bed to ... sleep the sleep of the deathly ill! Oh man, were we sick!
Why get married on April Fools' Day? Family tradition, of course. My parents were married on April 1, 1949. My father never forgot his anniversary and neither have I. Presumably, both my mother and my wife appreciated that fact. I know I sure do. Pretty sure that Dad did, too.
Would I do it again? You betcha!
About the photo: A disgruntled man posted this picture on eBay to sell his ex-wife's wedding dress. No, it wasn't me. I just find it very funny, that's all.