Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Waiting For Word

My wife and I anxiously await word from her sisters and their families. They both live in Louisiana towns hit by the eye of Hurricane Katrina. Early reports via other family members have the old three story buildings along the main street of Ponchatula collapsed into each other like so many dominos after standing in place since the Civil War.

We hope it is the destruction of the communications system and not a failure to evacuate (and subsequent likelihood that they are flooded out) that is the cause for silence. Time will tell. But for those waiting for word, the suspense is excruciating.

Update 1: Only some of the buildings were affected -- not all as first reported to me.

Update 2: We've heard through another family member that one of the sisters is fine, no damage to their home and no flooding, but still being held incommunicado by a lack of power and telephone. Awaiting word on the other sister, but expecting similar results as they are farther inland and out of the direct path of Katrina. Woot!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 134

Somehow, I managed to miss these this weekend. Silly Dawg...

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Girlfriends:: No Tell Motel

  2. Here to stay:: Gone tomorrow

  3. Call me:: irresponsible

  4. Frustrated:: fellow

  5. Public school:: Private school

  6. Glitch:: bug

  7. Cheese:: Cheddar

  8. Director:: Producer

  9. Pivotal:: moment

Get your own list of words and leave a link to your results over at La Luna Niña's place.

Saturday Six - Episode 72

Each week, Patrick gets in our stuff and rummages around like a pre-teen girl in her daddy's underwear drawer, looking for the Playboy Magazine. Each week, we beat him off by answering his questions. Life goes on. We get fatter. Teens get older, wiser and buy their own magazines. Or they go here, get ensnared and join the Adult Conspiracy, "Patrick's way"

1. What is your current desktop picture? What made you select it?
I use Webshots as my desk top theme and screen saver. It cycles through several thousand pictures I have accumulated over the years, so there is never “just one.” Currently it's a picture of a garden in Greece. Just a moment ago was a photo of “Triptych,” a painting by Alan Macgee.
2. A close friend who you consider to be up to date on fashion suggests that you should update your look and offers to pay for a session with an experienced hairstylist you've never dealt with before. Knowing that it's free, would you go?
Now, get a grip. Do I look like I visit a hair stylist? When I worked I had short hair, thanks to the barber, and a trimmed beard which I crafted myself. We don't need no steenken hair stylista...
3. When you do look in a mirror, what is the first thing you usually look at?
My eyes. I have Bell's Palsy, so I check to see how much my eyelids are drooping, so I can gauge how much and if I need artificial tears applied. I also check to see how red they are – it's a quick and dirty barometer of my allergies reaction levels.
4. Take this quiz: Which Bugs Bunny character are you? Foghorn Leghorn (see below for the details)

5. What label seems to describe you the best as a whole? Ass.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #60 from Stacy: Is there a specific person that you credit with your successes? and HOW did they help you?

What successes? Any success I have had has been the result of the hard work of my father, who raised three teen boys to men by himself after his wife of 15 years died unexpectedly. The stress of it killed him just 11 years later...

Have a great week! Try not to get caught...

Foghorn Leghorn!
You scored 57 Aggression, 71 Sophistication, and 14 Optimism!

Sophisticated, eloquent, stately, you are a gentleman or lady of high caliber who is both action oriented and probably quite intelligent. However, any drive or ambition you might have is undercut by a deeply held cynicism and dim view of human nature. This can give you the appearance of being lazy or shifty. You would argue, however, that you are merely saving yourself for something actually worth your effort. At times you might be tempted to go out of your way to create more challenging situations without actually altering the fundamental structure of your life. For example you might try to con someone into doing a task for you when simply doing the task yourself might be far easier. Unfortunately for you efforts like this are largely self-defeating. You?d probably feel far better about yourself if you raised your ambitions and tried to find tasks truly challenging that accomplish something positive.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating

free online dating

You scored higher than 0% on Aggression

free online dating

free online dating

You scored higher than 66% on Sophistication

free online dating

free online dating

You scored higher than 0% on Optimism

Link: The Which Looney Tune Are You Test written by coolguy3000 on Ok Cupid

Monday, August 29, 2005

MEME: Monday Madness - Leftovers

Otto said, “Another week of potpourri....... Have fun!”

1. Do you own a dishwasher (and if not, do you even want one), or do you have to do your dishes by hand?

Paper plates – they keep the mills going and they help keep loggers and truckers employed and they disappear into the maws of the lovely black plastic bags that keep my brother-in-law employed...

2. Do you put your dishes away immediately after washing them?

Air dry, baby. Pots and pans and utensils air dry with alacrity.

3. In the warm weather, do you like hanging your laundry out on the clothesline to dry, or do you prefer a dryer?

It's so much easier to hang out my laundry when it's warm. In winter I have to be quick or the undies freeze solid before I can get clothespins on them – for real. I hang the majority of the clothes out to dry on the line year round. Just some socks and my wife's unmentionables get hung indoors on the lines over my head here in the office...

  1. How many loads of laundry are done in your household each week? Five.

  2. Do you own a pet? Yes, many. A dog, an inside cat, a cockatiel, and about a dozen barn cats and kittens. If so, do you buy them presents for holidays? Sometimes we'll get snacks for them at Christmas for the in-house animals. Do you consider your pet(s) spoiled? Of course! Aren't yours? If you don't own one, do you think you will one day? N/A

  3. It's Friday evening and you're planning your weekend. What's on your agenda?

    SEX. Sleep. Food. Not necessarily in that order.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Weekend Assignment #74: Avarice

There are things in this world that people need to have. This week's Weekend Assignment is not about those.

Weekend Assignment #74: Forget about the things you need -- Tell us about something you want. Preferably something useless and/or expensive. In other words: Toys! Something fun and/or sparkly and/or indulgent that you don't already have but wouldn't mind getting, if someone were offering.

Extra Credit: Do you really think getting that toy would make you happier?

The only difference twixt men and boys
is the length of their beards
and the price of their toys.
~~ Olde English folk rhyme ~~

Dear John,

How appropriate, this topic of people's toys. I have a birthday coming up in a little bit and have been asked what I want for the celebration of said natal day. That got me to thinking about my “wants” versus my “needs” -- a scary topic in this period of three dollar gas and projections of early autumn $2.799 per gallon heating oil prices. It is hard to think about wants when it is very likely that the needs will be out of reach. But, you know me. Throw caution to the winds... Cry havoc, let loose the dogs of war!

Now, I know there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting one of these for real (Please, someone... on the back of the neck, under the pony tail? Hit the green button marked “Cliche”).

What I really want is an extremely expensive, all wheel drive vehicle manufactured by Mercedes called the UniMog (Unimog.avi 6mb). It's more of a truck than an SUV, so it makes sense that here in the US they aren't sold at the corner Chrysler/Daimler or Mercedes dealers. Noooo, not the Unimog. If you want one, swing by the closest Freightliner dealer. Right. REAL trucks... This is an expensive piece of kit, no doubt about it. But, in keeping with earlier entries I discussed last week and the week before, THIS is the platform to mount that 55mm automatic machine gun and cannon I was talking about. First off, it's a big small truck – 17 and a half feet long, almost 10 feet tall, full time all wheel drive. Powered by a Daimler-Benz diesel, gets about 27mpg in pick-up form.

I wish I had the time to tell you more, but SWMBO* wants to hit the road. Seems there's a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher she heard about down in Portland...


PS Of course not. Happiness is a state of mind. But I'd be the envy of every truck geek you can find...

* She Who Must Be Obeyed – cf. “Rumpole of the Bailey”

Friday, August 26, 2005

Hmmm - Another kind of list

Service records of prominent Democrats, Republicans and assholes like me ...

via nanovirus

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Fresh Mindset

It's become an annual ritual in the US. A Self-flagellation. A hoary, woolly monster to some, high theater to others, low brow humor to many. What, you ask? The “Beloit College Mindset List.” Annually for nearly thirty years, Beloit College has prepared a list for its faculty and staff of things that characterize the mindset of the freshmen students about to grace the hallowed halls with their presence. Here is this year's compendium:

According to the Beloit College Mindset List, for college freshmen born in 1987:
— Liberace, Jackie Gleason, and Lee Marvin have always been dead.
— Heart-lung transplants have always been possible.
— Wayne Gretzky never played for Edmonton.
— Iran and Iraq have never been at war with each other.
— They’re more familiar with Greg Gumbel than with Bryant Gumbel.
— Voice mail has always been available.
— ‘Whatever’ is not part of a question
— They have always had the right to burn the flag.
— Bill Gates has always been worth at least a billion dollars.
— The Starship Enterprise has always looked dated.
— ‘Les Miserables’ has always been on stage.
— Snowboarding has always been a popular winter pastime.
— They do not remember “a kinder and gentler nation.”
— They never saw the shuttle Challenger fly.
— Black Americans have always been known as African-Americans.
— Tom Landry never coached the Cowboys.
— The Field of Dreams has always been drawing people to Iowa.
— They never saw a Howard Johnson’s with 28 ice cream flavors.
— Lyme disease has always been a concern in the woods.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Bullshit Protector Seen at Bush VFW Speech

I've already consumed my allowance for illegal swipetation of AP stories and photos for today so I'm simply going to send you to Nanovirus to see/read this entry.

Run, don't walk, or you'll miss it.

Simply Bizarre

I am becoming increasingly worried about America and the direction (?) we're headed as a nation. To wit, this AP story:

Troops' Gravestones Have Pentagon Slogans

Aug 23, 3:27 PM (ET)


ARLINGTON, Va. (AP) - Unlike earlier wars, nearly all Arlington National Cemetery gravestones for troops killed in Iraq or Afghanistan are inscribed with the slogan-like operation names the Pentagon selected to promote public support for the conflicts.


Motley Fool and neo-conservative tool, “Reverend” Pat Robertson, was seen back pedaling mightily this morning on his 700 Club broadcast. Now, it seems, he wasn't the cause of the problem. It was all President Chavez's fault!


I like Jeffrey Dubner's take on this tempest in a pisspot.

New IM Clients

In case you hadn't heard the news, Google has just officially released Google Talk, a new Windows-based multi-protocol instant messaging and VoIP solution which supports open standards like XMPP and transparently interconnects with other popular IM platforms.

AOL has countered with an update to AIM. While some suspect the new AIM client is specifically engineered to eliminate any chance of interoperability with Google Talk, my suspicion is that AOL was rushing a bug correction to the market place before a severe security hole was uncovered and exploited. I welcome proof to the contrary, however.

Via Robin Good

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Religion: Onward Christian Killers...

According to this AP story, Pat Robertson appears to have acquired a virulent strain of “hoof in mouth disease.” Isn't it nice to know that your friendly global pastor can call for a freaking assasination!!!


08/22/2005 22:06:32 EST

/AP Photo

Televangelist Calls for Chavez' Death

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson called on Monday for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him a "terrific danger" to the United States.

Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, said on "The 700 Club" it was the United States' duty to stop Chavez from making Venezuela a "launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

Whatever happened to "Turn the other cheek"?

Monday, August 22, 2005

Atlantis Found?

When is a myth not a myth? When it is proven to be true, of course. Long time believers in the Atlantis mythos may sleep easier tonight with this news coming from researchers. Then again...

What I find most interesting is the time line correlation between the estimated date of the earthquakes and tsunamis allegedly responsible for the one-day destruction (not beggaring the 'Is it a day in the biblical sense?' question) and the possible upheavals resulting from the massive melting of the ice pack over the northeastern side of North America in the waning days of the last mini-ice age that afflicted this region of the world I inhabit with an ice cover over 183 feet thick. On the other hand, the bummer is the total absence of sonar readings of man made structures or other indications of a “civilization” or even of “inhabitation.”

I like happy endings as much as the next guy. So it is nice that the folks who believed in the Platonic description of the Atlantis myth may be vindicated. Who knows? Perhaps in 2500 years, Intelligent Design might be proved true. I kinda doubt it, and I sure won't be losing any sleep over a belief system espoused by the yahoos who were picked first for dodgeball in fifth grade and were last seen standing in line for Gigli.

HUMOR: Monday Mirth

Stolen from Marti's When I Die (I couldn't help myself, honest!):

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep.

Not screaming like all the passengers with her in her car.

From my buddy Pam in North Carolina comes this one: REDNECK DIVORCE

Dear Billy Bob,

As you know, my divorce was final yesterday, and in the divorce settlement she was awarded the double-wide mobile home and my pickup truck.

Can you believe it? I expected her to get the double-wide, but having to give her my truck was just more than I could bear.

I had no choice, so as per the court order, I delivered the truck to her before 2:00 PM today. I'm sure gonna miss that truck. Had to get a picture of it before it was gone forever. (see picture below)

If you need to get hold of me, I'll be staying with my folks until I can find me a place.

Take care,

Wait for it...

MEME: Monday Madness -- Potpourri

Otto reaches into the grab bag, looks at the mess in her hand and exclaims:
“This week's questions are totally unrelated to one another; just a 'pot pourri' of randomness! Have a great week and thanks for playing!”

1. When putting groceries away, do you rotate your food so your newest items (cans and such) are in the back, and older food in the front?

Huh? I consider it a good omen if they get put away before they need to be used... Does writing the date a jar is opened on the lid count?

  1. Do you own a digital camera? If so, how long have you had one? If not, do you plan to purchase one soon? Yep, the Mrs. And I got ourselves one for Christmas last year. It's been fun, too. Good thing we haven't got servants who'd post OUR movie on the Internet!

    3. How do you store your precious photos?

    On CD's, in photo albums, on slides and in the original processing envelopes. One of the things I am not is organized – I lack the attention span to get the job done.

    4. It's 6:00 am. and you've just lost power due to a severe thunderstorm; they say it will probably take at least 12 hours before power will be restored; what do you do?
    Get dressed. Tape the refrigerator and freezer doors shut with a big NO! in red Sharpie and go to town to get coffee and a bagel to hold me over until lunch (I'm diabetic).

    5. How many times a year do you (or does someone dear to you) wax your automobile? Twice a year.

    6. Gas prices; what can we say except they've reached an all-time high. How are you dealing with this?

    Poorly. And getting poorer every day. It bodes ill for this winter. Last year's heat was over two grand – this year? I suspect I'll end up with frostbitten toes...

    7. Have you ever purchased a book or cd twice, forgetting that you already had it?

    More times than I can count. It is happening more frequently, too. Sucks to get old.

    Have a great week, comrades. Summer is almost over and the tourists will be fleeing south along with the geese. Yay!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

MEME: Monday Madness - Birthdays!

Time to play catch-up. Somehow, I overlooked playing Monday Madness this past week. So, this week will be a twofer – one today and the other mañana!

Last Monday's questions were all things birthday.

This week's questions are all about you! Nothing personal; just for fun...

    1. On what day of the week were you born? A Tuesday, I believe. Seems my mother went to a cocktail party hosted by a congress critter or the Secretary of the Navy or some such and got herself thoroughly blotto. Her hubby was aboard a ship someplace; she was two and a half weeks overdue, it was 95 degrees, the air so thick you could split it with a machete with no end in sight. She ended her pregnancy in the arms of Admiral Rickover as she leaned over the railing on the rooftop of the Watergate Hotel barfing her pretty blonde head off... thusly, I appeared, rip roaringly pissed, long about 5:30 AM...

    2. Do you look forward to birthdays? No.

    3. How do you usually celebrate your birthday? Dinner with my wife and my brother,; sometimes we watch a new movie afterwards.

    4. Do you like surprises? Not really. They usually involve something going very, very wrong...

    5. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party? Horrors, no! That would be the death knell for that relationship.

    6. How many family and friends' birthdays can you remember right off the top of your head? Three with absolute certainty, several others are “in the ballpark.”

    7. Do you send cards to your family and friends on their birthday? E-cards. My wife gets flowers and a card, too. Birthdays are a BIG THING to her.

    8. What kind of cake do you like? Two-layer yellow cake with a milk chocolate frosting.

    9. What kind of ice cream goes best with it? Chocolate-chip cookie dough! Although, a classic French Vanilla with a snifter of brandy isn't bad, either.

    10. When is your birthday? (You don't have to share the year with us if you answer this question.) I had to look at a calendar to answer this one – it's in a couple of weeks.

Meme: Unconscious Mutterings – Week 133

Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! Read the FAQ for more information.

Leave a link to your answers over in the comments at La Luna Niña's place.

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Fan:: ceiling

  2. Scum:: sucker

  3. Lily:: livered

  4. Humid:: moist

  5. Ghetto: Watts

  6. Remember me?:: Estelle Getty

  7. Polished:: granite

  8. Compose:: concerto

  9. Squish:: squash

  10. Future:: History

Quiz: What Gender Is Your Brain?

Found over at Mort's of the bad-time-at-work-of-late Morts.

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain

Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts

And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...

You never like to get feelings too involved

Saturday Six - Episode 71

Each week, Patrick, a self-described television addict, burrows under my ego on a straight line for the id. Each week, I sidestep and let him tumble into the morass that is my subconcious. You'd think he'd learn...

1. Other than the "Saturday Six," what weekly or daily memes do you play most often? (Please give a link to that journal.)
Unconcious Mutterings over at LaLunaNiña's place & Otto's Monday Madness. The Sunday Brunch went defunct last week.

2. If you could look back at photos you know of that were taken during your childhood, from your first school pictures to snapshots taken ten years ago, which one do you think would be the most embarrassing and why?
I don't like having my picture taken because no one ever takes a good shot of me. Consequently, they are ALL an embarassment. After more than a half century of this photographic abuse I am resigned to a fate of pictatorial misrepresentation.

3. What was the last thing you made yourself do, even though you really didn't want to?
I am a dilatantte, a Libertine, a sybarist. I only do things I want to do. I spent the first fifty years of my life doing what the world wanted/expected of me. That sucked. Then I had a triple bypass even though I suspect I would have been better off on many levels if I hadn't. So now I do what I want to do. There's an answer in there someplace.

4. Take this quiz: How do you live your life?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot! You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

5. What was the last book you started but never finished (aside from any you're currently reading)? Why did you stop reading it?

See the answer to number 3 for the rationale. The book was Robert Daley's “A Faint Cold Fear” and it had become a chore to read.

6. Are you named after anyone? Has anyone ever been named after anyone?
Yes, my grandfather. No - A nonsensical question, so a nonsense answer seems appropriate, right Bosco?

There you have the Saturday Six for this week. Until next time, I remain, Yours Truly.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Humor: Southern Gals

"I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen in memphis,
She tried to take me upstairs for a ride.
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
’cause I just can’t seem to drink you off my mind.

It’s the honky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

I laid a divorcee in new york city,
I had to put up some kind of a fight.
The lady then she covered me with roses,
She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

It’s the honky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

(yeah!) it’s the honky tonk women.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

(yeah!) it’s the honky tonk women.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues"
The Rolling Stones HONKY TONK WOMAN lyrics are the property and copyright of The Rolling Stones.
The Rolling Stones lyrics provided for educational purposes and personal use only.

Three men were sitting together, bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Indiana, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house, and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Utah. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any
results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third had married an Alabama gal. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

Gotta love those Southern gals!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Weekend Assignment #73: Road Rage Revisited

Weekend Assignment #73: Road Rage Revisited

Weekend Assignment #73: From your own AOL Journal or AIM Blog, pick your own favorite entry from the last year (from 8/21/04 onward). Link to it in the comment thread below, so we can all see what it was. You can alternately, of course, create a new entry where you link to your favorite entry, but that seems a bit overly complicated. Linking directly to your favorite entry will be fine. If you want to include any thoughts on the entry in your comment, well, that would be great, too.

If you don't have an AIM Blog or AOL Journal, don't fret: Just pick your favorite entry from your own site in the same time frame and leave a link.

So that's the assignment from John Scalzi, AOL blogmeister and sole propietor of By The Way.

Ok, first, I had to cheat. It's not been a good year at the Snooze, in my biased opinion. Not enough original writing, way too many memes and stuff. So it goes. So I had to go back just a little further ... just over a month, in fact. Now here's a piece worth re-reading from the Daily Snooze archives.

Now I know that's a cheat, but when you have an empty ink bottle, what are you going to do? The second best item in this journal last year was a photograph of a firefighter and a Dobe in North Carolina. I can take no credit for the photo or the words - they were written by a particularly empathetic journalist. Over at Snoozelets, my writing journal, the best work in my opinion was a poem I wrote about an experience I had as a youngster. There's some adult language, so all I'll do is offer this link to it here.You be the judge. I think the "Road Rage" entry was the best in the past 13 months -- your mileage may differ.

Bush Is A Post Turtle

This is such a wonderful little tale... I had hoped to send you over to the blog where I found this, but, alas, it's a private one on AOL, so I am FORCED to steal it for you. FORCED, I tell you... that's my story and I'm sticking to it until Gordy comes after me with his bicycle pump and straight razor...

"While suturing the lacerated hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher (got it caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him, "What's a 'post turtle'?"

The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you kinda want to help the poor stupid idiot get down."

Monday, August 15, 2005

Quiz: Party Like It's 1399!

Stumbled on to this over at Patrick's Place, took the quiz and liked it. Give it a shot - you might enjoy it, too.

The Cardinal
You scored 68% Cardinal, 20% Monk, 35% Lady, and 37% Knight!

You are the real power behind the throne. No one dares dispute or
refuse you. Which is good because that's how you get things done. You
are also, however, completely corrupt and highly immoral. This doesn't
bother you in the least as you lounge around your rich comfortable
surroundings, reveling in wealth and authority.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 90% on Cardinal
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Monk
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 27% on Lady
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 45% on Knight
Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 132

I say ... and you think ... ?

1.Idiot:: Stupid
2.Rocket:: Science
3.Liability:: legal
4.Harmless:: prank
5.Stringy:: meat
6.Gwyneth:: Paltrow
7.Use it or lose it:: I lost it!
8.Theater:: Broadway
9.Sonic:: boom
10.Pucker:: up

Get your own list of words from that crazy chica at La Luna Niña and leave a link to your responses in the comments there. ¡Salud!

Saturday Six - Episode 70

Patrick, novelist, television producer, raconteur, dog lover and bouncer of babies on his knee, asks questions each week. We, being loyal minions, answer. All is right at Patrick's Place.

Here are this week's "Saturday Six" questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. A reader to "Men's Journal" recently wrote about technological innovations, stating that there isn't any gadget he couldn't live without: "To see how vital technology is, spend a few days in the backcountry without your phone, pager, PDA, laptop, cappuccino machine, or MP3 player. You'll emerge cleansed and refreshed." Could you go a whole week really roughing it with no modern conveniences? Would you want to?

I've done it many times, for as long as several weeks at a time. Having said that, these days I need a portable power supply for my CPAP. My CPAP goes where I go – death can result if I sleep for extended periods of time without it.

2. What is the most you've ever paid for a:
A) Shirt - $75 for a Pendelton
B) Pair of Shoes - $125 – all leather wingtips
C) CD or Album - $22
D) DVD - $20
E) Book - $70
F) Vacation - $3500

3. Looking back at the answers to#2, which one was the most foolish?

The wingtips...

4. Take this quiz: Which snack food are you?

Ooooo healthy! You're an     apple!
What Snack Food are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

5. There are three wells: Love, Beauty and Creativity. If you could only drink from one of them, which would you choose and why?

Love... Beauty fades. Creativity withers under the glare of observation. Love is so terribly fragile, it is the one that requires nourishing yet delivers full measure of pleasure so long as you have it.

6. If you were another person, do you think you would be friends with the person you know as yourself?

More than likely not – who wants to befriend a crusty curmudgeon who smells like an old man in need of a sitzbath anyway?

Weekend Assignment #72: Dessert Druthers

Weekend Assignment #72: The Ultimate Battle

John Scalzi, the peripatetic world traveler who hangs out at Philadelphia International Airport for 13 hours instead of taking a cab in town to see the Liberty Bell and Constitution Hall, poses a question each week and demands answers from his minions. Being good automatons, we answer. Balance is achieved; equilibrium maintained. And don't forget to leave a link to your answers in the comments over at John's journal. That is all - on with the show:

Normally with the Weekend Assignment, I try to make assignments that bring us together -- assignments we can all share in with love and comity. But today, I want to use the Weekend Assignment as a platform to discuss one of the great divides in American culture -- a divide so wide that it tears at our national fabric and threatens to pit brother against sister, parents against children, husbands against wives. I am talking, of course, about the debate about which is better: cake or pie.

Weekend Assignment #72: Which is better -- cake or pie? Explain your reasoning. Will you choose the moist sponginess and frosting-topped goodness of cake? Or will you side with those flaky crust-adoring, fruit-filling fanatics of the pie nation? You must choose one -- and only one! No trying to suggest that Boston Creme Pie is really kind of like a cake, or how cheesecake is actually not unlike a pie. Take a stand! Be true to your pastry orientation!

Extra Credit: Having chosen cake or pie, now admit your favorite variety of the dessert you did not choose. So if you chose cake, tell us your favorite pie. Prefer pie? Tell us your favorite cake.

Dear John,

Another week has sped by, leaving your humble correspondent in the dust. Life gets like that as you grow older. One week you're on the Merry-Go-Round, reaching for the brass ring. Next week, it's through your nose and your being lead to slaughter. But in between, there's a whole lot of living going on.

I don't know what witch doctor, shaman or neo-con mystic hit you with her “fabulous femur of fate” upside your temple, but you are exhibiting definite signs of brain trauma. Cake versus pie. Gimme a break!


I thought I raised you better, boy. How come you got a case of the dumbass, asking such foolish questions, I'll never know. Something off in that whiskey you were drinking last weekend? I did teach you to stick to single malt, now didn't I?

Pies. Crisp, flaky fragrant crust, redolent of lard and beef tallow, browned to perfection. Sweet, bubbly fruit syrup surrounding Nature's greatest gift, the cherry. Can there possibly be a more wonderful aroma? Not on your life.

Although, I'll admit to a fondness for a sweet yellow cake with a chocolate icing for birthdays – but only if cherry cheesecake or cherry pie is unobtainable.

Take your women out to the fair this weekend and get them some bubbly fruit pies. Who knows? You might get lucky and discover that there's someone other than your wife who can captivate your palate (yes, I AM referring to the baker and his skills at making pie. Get your mind out of the gutter, buster).

Have a berry, berry good weekend...

Grins and giggles,


Thursday, August 11, 2005

HUMOR: M C Hawking

For your viewing and listening pleasure: MC Hawking -- A Brief History of Rhyme

Gamey Gamer

Here's a story out of Korea that should cause a few of you gaming nerds to think twice before going for days and days of online games: Man dies after online game marathon

Have you not heard of DVTs? That's Deep Vein Thrombosis and it happens to even healthy boyos who sit too long. Old pharts like yours truly are immune -- we have to get up too often to pee...

This September, Your Name Here...

Neil Gaiman is one of several authors assisting the First Amendment Project by offering to name a character after the successful bidder in an eBay auction. So's Stephen King, Lemony Snicket and Johnathan Lethern. Plus there's more! Check it out and help out the FAP by bidding. You'll be glad you did!


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Bush Indictment

A bunch of lily-livered liberals, malcontents and other shady characters have set the blog world ablaze by driving the phrase "Bush Indictment" to the top of the Technorati ratings. How droll.

Quiz: Which Holy Grail Character Are You?

It's the witnit's fault. Really.

Take the quiz: "Which Holy Grail Character Are You?"

The Knight Who Says Ni
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!

U I Hall of Shame

Ever get to a web site and have a really hard time trying to accomplish a simple task, say finding the address and phone number of the parent company? Yeah, we all have had problems at one time or another. Well, here's the good news: You aren't alone. And now, there's someplace to bitch about it, too! Get thee behind me, Satan, and stand in line for your turn to file a complaint at the UI Hall of Shame

via Lockergnome


I'm all for teaching DUH
in America's schools!


I don't know what got into me. Suddenly last week, this line came to me:

Bob Novak is a plaming asshole!

I sent it out to my wife, my brother and my old college roomie. He replied thusly:

You just don't recognize when you've been out done, so...

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"


Have a great day!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

MEME: Monday Madness -- Sticky Wickets

Otto says, "Thank you all for playing Monday Madness each week! Here are this week's questions!

What would you do in the following situations?"

1. The store clerk undercharges you for an item you purchase?
I'd point the error out.

2. The cashier gives you change for a fifty dollar bill when you only gave her a twenty, and you don't realize it until you're out the door?
I come back in and we'd get it straightened out -- I've worked a retail job where that kind of error results in loss of a job and criminal prosecution.

3. You see your best friend's husband/wife with another woman/man at a neighborhood restaurant?
With my luck, I'd stop by the table and say hello and get introduced to the other party. It would only be later that it'd dawn on me that something was fishy about the situation. At that point, I don't know what I'd do.

4. Your 15 year old asks you if you ever tried an alcoholic beverage before you were of legal drinking age (and you have)?
This one might be easier for me than most - I've done this, I've gotten plastered right out of the gate and years later I developed a drinking problem so severe that I lost damn near everything before I would recognize the problem for what it was. So, I can talk about the use of alcohol in a cautionary manner on the basis of my own experiences and the likely genetic response that the 15 year old will have to booze and what it means if d/he continues to drink.

5. You find a one hundred dollar bill laying on the floor of a department store?
My first inclination would be to turn it over to the police, provide my contact information and hope the person who lost it thinks to contact the local police. I would
not turn it in to the store or the store's security department. They will simply deposit it with the day's receipts and never give it a second thought.

You can sign up to get your very own list of questions each week so you can play along and leave a link to
your answers at Otto's comments. Just swing on by the Monday Madness site and sign up. Your pancreas will be overjoyed that you did.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 131

Week 131

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Complexion:: poor

  2. Teach:: your children well

  3. Back to school:: September

  4. Months:: years

  5. Nominate:: oh no!

  6. Favorite curse word::

  7. Concerned:: parent

  8. Better:: Buy Barn (it's a former local furniture store)

  9. Escalate:: war

  10. Unveil:: statue

Get your own words! Here!

Stupid White Guys, Unite!

Associated Press, Honolulu:

HONOLULU - Blowing conch shells and chanting Hawaiian prayers, some 15,000 people marched through downtown Honolulu Saturday to protest a federal court ruling striking down Kamehameha Schools' Hawaiians-only admissions policy as unlawful.

"We are outraged," said Lilikala Kameeleihiwa, a professor of Hawaiian Studies at the University of Hawaii. "This is a great setback for our people. Here we are on our own homeland and we can't educate our children."

The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled 2-1 on Tuesday that the private school's policy of admitting only native Hawaiians amounted to "unlawful race discrimination" even though the school receives no federal funding.

Hey. Do you know a Stupid White Guy (SWG)? You know, a white supremicist ?

Well, tell them to gather round, pack their sheets and hoods, for if they can do this to a private school in Hawaii, it won't be long before private white schools in the South and Montana and the like will be threatened with integration, for real. So if ever there was a reason for the Ku Klux Klan, the Aryan Nation, The John Birch Society, and all the rest of the twisted folks that happen to share my skin color to exist, it is this. Likewise, the remnants of the Black Panthers, SNCC, Rainbow PUSH, and all the other Black Pride organizations, including the Alumni society of Howard University should ALL be getting on those marching shoes – they're next, too. Oh yeah, let's not forget the Yiddish schools, the Polish Academies, Muslim, Buddhist, Shinto, Japanese-American Academies and Chinese enclave schools, Catholic Schools and all the other privately funded educational establishments who give almost-exclusive preference to their kind.

You are all in danger of being declared criminals. [And high time, too!]

It's about time for all the kooks and wingnuts to join in a massive rally in Washington, D.C. to protest this ruling. Let's plan it for August. The sight of fat white guys in sheets and little black grandmas in dhashikis, side by jowl, collapsing from heat prostration will make the Main Stream Media heartstrings positively sing! The drama! The ratings!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Weekend Assignment #71: Untaken Advice

© 2005

Every week, AOL's Journals' apologist cheerleader, John M. Scalzi, poses a question. Like lemmings over the precipice, we answer. Equilibrium is maintained. Go fish...

Weekend Assignment #71: Untaken Advice

Weekend Assignment #71: Recount the best piece of advice you were ever given... that you didn't take at the time.

Extra Credit: Here in Scotland (where I am) they have a dish called haggis, " normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's heart, liver, and lungs (or "lights"), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for several hours." Want some?

Well John I'm glad to see you made it. Hope you've found a suitable beverage and have ensconced yourself in a corner of the pub with cronies and cronettes to observe the festivities.

Life proceeds apace. Our dear President has once again displayed his total lack of understanding of the U.S. Constitution by suggesting that Creationism should be taught in biology classes in public schools. Bob Novak got a hair crosswise and stormed off live TV – it cost him a time out and 2¢ worth of credibility. And they hadn't even asked him about his role in Plamegate yet! Over there, PM Tony Blair seems like he's pitching a fit. Methinks a case of too little, too late. But what the hell do I know?

Anywho, enough chatter. Back to the matter at hand. The best advice I've ever received that I haven't taken?

Keep your mouth shut.”

That's right. I'll bet even you have failed to heed those immortal words and have regretted that failure subsequently.

In my case, while I'm sure my mother said it most often, it was my father's emphasis on the “shut” that sticks to my gray matter like gum tomy shoe. A close cousin was “Never volunteer for anything.” Both homilies a direct result of his experiences during World War II in the Navy and in the business world. They were right up there in the pantheon of virtues with “keep your nose clean,” “keep your pants on,” “nose to the grindstone,” and, “always get out before her husband comes home.”

Nobody told me a personal philosophy should be logically consistent until college. By then, it was too late, if you know what I mean.

Sad to say, I have been a failure in the 'keep your mouth shut' department. I was a mere youth when I started opening my mouth in earnest, first battling my father's antebellum attitude towards Negroes, then later, assisting with voter registration drives, protesting the hamstringing of the military in Vietnam and later the war as a whole. None of them activities designed to earn bonus points with the old man.

While I mellowed some in my my late twenties, early thirties, I was back to inserting foot in mouth even before America lost it's collective mind and elected a freaking actor to the White House. Then we have the spectre of George Bush, Slick Willy Clinton and Dubya – I haven't been silent since.

So far, all this verbal mastication has cost me most of my “friends,” many opportunities, several jobs and clients, as well as peace of mind and pieces of .

And so it goes...

Who says old dogs can learn new tricks? Just don't ask them to hold their tongue.

By the way, I'm rather fond of haggis. But one clarification. You forgot oats. One doesn't use rolled oats – they'd produce a mushy, gelatinous blob when cooked. No, one uses steel-cut oats which retain their oat texture and goodness without becoming starchy in the pudding, assuming you toast them well in an iron skillet. Really.

SATURDAY SIX – Episode 69

Peripatetic Patrick Picks Pretty Pickles To Ponder. You answer. All is write in the universe.

1. Besides your parents or siblings, what family member do you most resemble? Great-Uncle Ben. He was the Town Drunk.

2. Check out this interesting website: Is your hometown newspaper featured? What is the top headline of that paper or the one closest to you? Nope. Nearest one is the Lewiston Sun-Journal and the headline above the fold says something like "Time Ebbs For Stranded Sailors."

3. If you knew it was completely tame and there was no danger, what zoo animal would you most like to pet or come into physical contact with?
I've always wanted to pet a Koala. But, really, if I had my druthers, I'd like to work with dolphins.

4. Take this quiz: How weird are you?

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

5. Which of the following causes more stress in your life: your spouse, your kids, your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your parents or other relatives?

6. You find an old lamp containing a genie: the genie decides to give you a single improvement for yourself, mind or body. It must be something to improve within you and no one else. What would you ask the genie to fix? My heart.

So much for the SatSix for this week. Get your own set of questions and leave a link to your answers in the comments at Patrick's Place. Don't forget to leave your 5¢ deposit in the cracked coffee cup on the counter.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Making A Statement

So, do you suppose he's tired of the snowplow hitting his mailbox every winter?

via Witnit

Monday, August 01, 2005

MEME: Monday Madness - August Angst

Thus Sprake Otto:

Sunday, July 31, 2005

This week's questions are late going up because I just got back into town from being gone all day. Hope you still wanna play! Also, my apologies to Tricia, who emailed me a question (an excellent one, I might add), and I promised her I would use it last week. I didn't because I forgot, but it is the first question listed below....... the rest of from me. Thank you Tricia, for emailing me. I hope to see you back this week! And thanks to all of you for playing my meme.

1. If you could be on the Amazing Race, who would your partner be?
Is this Formula 1, World Professional Rally, Ice Racing or NASCAR? Only Rally drivers have co-drivers. Seriously, my wife would be my only choice.
2. On a priority scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate trust in a relationship/friendship?
An 8 or 9.
3. Do you trust your spouse/significant other/best friend completely?
Yes, implicitly.
4. Do you trust others easily, or does it take time?
No, it takes a very long time.

There you have the answers for this week. Get your own over at Otto's place and leave a link in the comments there to your answers. My special Ployes for everybody!

Canada Death Race 2005

One of the bloggers I read regularly is Simon of Simian Farmer. Being young, smart(?) and full of piss and beer, he does some seriously crazy things. One is the aforementioned race. Here now, join him in viewing this Gallery of his photos from a racer's perspective.

Canada Death RAce 2005

One of the bloggers I read regularly is Simon of Simian Farmer. Being young, smart(?) and full of piss and beer, he does some seriously crazy things. One is the aforementioned race. Here now, join him in viewing this Gallery of his photos from a racer's perspective.