Dog Gone Halloweenies!

Ouch! Don't do this to your mutt

...And So It Goes

Golem Goals

Weekend Assignment #84: What's Happening Here?

I thought we'd try something a little different for this week's Weekend Assignment, something to stretch those creative muscles in your brain:

Weekend Assignment #84: Take a look at the picture below. Tell us what you think is going on in the picture. You can write as long as you want, or as short as you like -- even a photo caption works. Now, it's a fairly weird picture, but I thought that would just give you more to work with. Ready? Here you go:



Hey, I told you it was odd. Remember, I am a science fiction writer.

Extra Credit: Would you like to see more "explain what's going on in the picture" sort of assignments? Not every one would be as odd as this one, mind you. But I want to keep the assignments fresh and fun, and this might be a way to do it from time to time.

Greetings Comrade “John,”

Have received the photographic documentation of “Subject JXS” and reviewed same as requested. I note that running over the subject with your neighbor's tractor in the corn field produced variable results. Subject may be suitable for picket or scarecrow duty with appropriate sensors placed in body cavities. I suspect that any attempt to foist him off on the family as “you” while undertaking your next assignment will meet with derisive laughter and scorn. Heaps o' scorn, John. I suggest going to “Plan B.”

I will have the wet works crew there in 37.5 hours, ±0.75 hours with a tail wind. Hold tight. Do NOT let Subjects “K” or “A” depart the premises. You are authorized to use force as necessary. Try not to annoy the neighbors, Comrade John. After all, you were sent there to observe them; interaction is deemed undesirable.

Supreme Commander Commanding ... And So It Goes.

P.S. As always, your contributions of suggestions, documentation and photographic illustrations to further the glorious cause in the future will be received with the welcome they deserve. Keep up the good work, Comrade John. Replacement Comrades “K” and “A” will accompany the clean up crew. SCC

The Sloganizer

I really tried hard, several times, to post to The Daily Snooze II on AIM the results of the spirituality quiz I took this morning, but I finally had to admit defeat.

In the interest of providing you something to read over there, try out the “Sloganizer” that I had so much fun playing around with this morning and tell me what you think in the comments.

This was my favorite:

The Dirt says Hot, The Label says Snooze.

A tip of the 'ol sombrero to Pammy at Lollygaggin for ze link, Jeffe!

QUIZ: How Spiritual Are You?

Spirituality is all the rage these days. American popular culture has been recently flooded by icons, activities and popular entertainments bearing religious and/or a spiritual slant. Logical that this quiz who show up, isn't it? The only thing puzzling me is how the quiz master decided that answers to his questions, leaving me at the border twixt agnostic and atheist, weighted me towards agnostic when I am an atheist?

Oh well, Columbus got it wrong, too ... And So It Goes.

You fit in with: Agnosticism Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Agnostic. You are fairly ambivalent towards any religion or spiritual connection. You lead a very busy life and find that religion and spirituality are unnecessary to your life. 100% scientific. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

FRANKENKITTY

I'm not often taken for a cat lover, even though I am owned by a dozen of them. So asking the AOL-AIM Journal land for help for a cat I am not associated with directly isn't my style. But I chanced to stumble onto a blog named Lost in the Fogg this evening during my blog jog that details the condition of this fortunate unfortunate pussy cat. Unfortunate, because she was hit in the head by a car. Fortunate, because this blogger's wife was the one who found the kitty and took it to an emergency veterinary hospital. They've worked on her, wiring and gluing her broken jaw and bolted her together to recuperate. So far (as of the weekend) the vet bills exceed $2000!

The saga of Samantha and her recovery began on the 21^st of October. To date, they have collected almost $1600 in donations for the care of the kitty. If it had been me, I probably would have put her out of her misery, as I would do for a dog in the same circumstances. These kind hearted folks didn't and now need your help. Start out with reading the tale as it unfolds here: Please Help This Cat!

And if the spirit moves you, donate to help defray the costs incurred. If that isn't something you can bring yourself to do, give to your local animal shelter or the American Red Cross or to the charity of your choice, because the need doesn't stop, just because the camera isn't pointed that way...

HAPPY

HALLOWEEN!

MEME: Monday Madness - TV & Movies

Otto demures, “Thanks to all who played last week; I'm aware that the comments weren't working for a good portion of the day, but hopefully we'll have better luck this week. Now on to this week's questions!”

1. Name 1 comedy movie you've seen. Something About Mary
2. Name 2 black and white films you remember seeing. Harvey, Arsenic And Old Lace
3. Name 3 dramas you thought were worth watching. I, Claudius, Empire Falls, Philadelphia
4. Name 4 television shows you watch on a regular (or semi-regular) basis. Survivor. CSI. Crossing Jordan. House.
5. Name 5 things that, in your opinion, are advertised on television too frequently. Cars. Cell phones. Beer. Feminine napkins & tampons. Long distance plans.

Each week, Natalie, AKA “Otto,” gives out with the questions. Your job is to answer. Get your questions, leave your answers or a link to them in the comments at the Monday Madness web site.

VIVI Awards Voting Reminder

You have until midnight to cast your vote for your favorite nominees to receive a VIVI award, including yours truly. With the advent of the end of Daylight Savings Time, you even have an extra hour. But don't delay, vote today!

In the immoral words of Madame Glinka/Albert, "You don't have to vote for me. Just to be nominated... ah shit, who am I kidding?"

Vote here: VIVI AWARDS.

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 143

Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! Read the FAQ for more information.

Week 143

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Unbreakable:: lexan®

2. Have mercy:: mama

3. Do it better:: excel

4. Settle scores:: revenge

5. Comments:: adverse

6. Craziest thing:: disbelief

7. Apple:: Bobbing

8. Halloween:: All Hallows Eve

9. Manageable:: hair

10. Trick:: treat

Get your own copy of this week's word list, post a link in the comments to your answers and sign up for automagic notification when new words lists are ready – all by visiting the world headquarters of unconcious mutterings and chick lit funnies at that crazy chica's -- http://subliminal.lunanina.com .

A Day In The Life Of An Impertinent Cog

Friday is one of my wife's semi-regular (every two weeks or so) days off. Unless there's something scheduled, she'll usually try to get caught up on her rest, due to ongoing medical conditions. This week wasn't any different. As some of you know, we live a second shift schedule. Our “morning” happens around 1PM or so. So “sleeping in” until 4:30 pm on a day off isn't too unusual. Yesterday, that was the plan. Sleep in until late, then go into town, pick up an order at the drugstore and maybe get a bite to eat and stroll the aisles at Wally World awhile.

The best laid of plans came to a screaching halt when my wife's immediate boss called about 4 PM, looking for a coworker that had failed to show at work. No show + no call = no job. Boss lady was worried, so SWMBO* got dressed and we got her check cashed and drove the twenty miles out to her coworker's home. The Sheriff's deputies had arrived moments before we did. They confirmed the worst of our fears. My wife's coworker had passed away. The woman lived alone with her aging pets, who were having none of this home invasion by armed Khakis! Sadly, none of her physicians could be reached; it is off to the medical examiner with her remains before anything else can be done.

So last night wasn't the laid back, fun-filled trip to town it usually would be. We spent a quiet evening at home, each contemplating their own mortality. There were still some tears today and a reluctance to go in to work, but “this too, shall pass.”

* She Who Must Be Obeyed

MEME: Weekend Assignment #83

Weekend Assignment #83: Tell us a scary Halloween story... that happened to you.

What I'm looking for here is a story where you were spooked or scared by someone or... something... in or around Halloween (or, alternately, a story where you spooked the heck out of someone else). Please note I don't want stories in which you or others were genuinely in danger -- I'm talk about you getting one big BOO! moment, which, after you were able to get your heart back into your chest, resulted in you saying something along the lines of "Don't do that!" to whomever was giving you a spook. A fun frightening, in other words.

Extra Credit: The song "Monster Mash": Fun or lame?

Dear John,

Try as I might, I can not come up with a single instance of anything approaching fear on Halloween. Nothing, nope, nada. So I'm going for the Extra Credit right from the git go and say the Monster Mash is fun. And poo on you for thinking otherwise – you're too bloody young to appreciate the nuances inherant in the presentation when it first appeared in the Dark Ages. Up until then, society was limping along with Doris Day singing about rubber tree plants, ants in the pants and some girl from Impanema or some such. Lord Buckley was too risque for over-the-air play, Lenny Bruce was still an unknown. Humorists consisted of Alan Sherman (“Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder, here I am at Camp Granada!”), Mort Sahl and Alan King. Bob Newhart was standing on a stage, talking to himself on a phone, for Ezus J Icekray's sake!

Now, I've been scared and frightened many times over the years. Heck, about the time that the Monster Mash appeared, I was spending three minutes a day huddled under a desk in fear of a nuclear attack by Soviet Union! But, had I known this at that time (1962) I'd have been terrified! Gary Paxton, the producer of “The Monster Mash” was the singer and lyricist of that other, less humorous one hit wonder song, Alley Oop. Aaarrgghhh!

Hollow-weenie Yours,

wil

Monster Mash
Bobby "Boris" Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers

(Written by Bobby Pickett and Lenny Capizzi)


I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
==================================================
Send corrections to: lyrics@webfitz.com

Meme: Saturday Six – Episode 81

Here are this week's "Saturday Six" questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal over in Patrick's comments so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. What is a bigger pet peeve for you: someone trying to talk on a cell phone during a movie, a baby crying in a restaurant, a dog barking on your street, or music played loud enough to rattle windows. ALL of the above.

2. What is your favorite cologne or perfume that you wear most often? Old Spice After Shave. Which one is the one you like the scent of, but don't wear often or at all? Jovan Musk for Men.

3. In your opinion, what is the best way to tell someone you value how much they mean to you? Flowers and diamonds.

4. Earlier this week, I posted a personality quiz: If you haven't taken it, please do; if you already have, how accurate were the results compared with your true personality. The conclusions reached by the author weren't a great correlation with the answers given. S/he was stretching a bit too much in their generalizations.

5. When was the last time you feel you got as much sleep as you really needed in a single night? Tuesday night.

6. If a stranger walked up to you and handed you a briefcase with enough money to pay off every debt you had down to the penny, do you think you could start from then on living debt-free? Not unless I could find a new source of income. It has gotten so there are so many freelance writers out there willing to work for peanuts that I can no longer find the work I used to think of as my “play money,” but which has been my sole means of support since 1999. Everybody and his brother thinks they can write. If it weren't for my wife, I'd have gone to prison long ago just for stealing food or fuel...

If you have a Reader's Choice question you'd like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar and send it to Patrick at Patrick's Place. You'll be glad you did and your hemorrhoids will stop itching and burning, guaranteed.

Weird Firefighter News

Well I never...

Saved by a thong
A fireman accused of bringing disgrace to the service by walking nude across his station yard has been saved from the sack - by his thong.

It's all about the need...

Something a little more frivolous today I think, something I shamelessly stole from Silk at Just Breathe. Go to google and do an advanced search and in the exact phrase section type '(name) needs' and post the first ten subjects that come up.

1. Wil needs to learn how NOT to studder (sic).

2. Wil needs to have CHF 300,000 by Tuesday - or else no NLA license.

3. Wil needs Mojo

4. WIL Needs Outlines! ...

5. WIL needs your help! Please provide 2 different women leaders in the Bay Area you know who might be interested in participating in a WIL event

6. Wil needs to keep her personal life --

7. Wil needs To film himself doing the StarWars kid dance. even Space Ghost is doing It....

8. After dealing with the sick company for eight years, the bench observed that WIL needs to be wound up as all options for its revival have been explored

9. Wil needs to find her mama a man, so as to save face with the family and community. She also needs to find a way to make her love of Vivan work out.

10. Wil needs just a little more ground clearance

Humor: Bald with a peg leg...

I love Marti and her sense of humor, so I steal from her blog frequently. However, even I, a scum-sucking pond dweller, have standards. Stealing twice in a week from the same source -- nope. No can do.

Hence, the necessary linkage of a referral to a GREAT Halloweenie Joke over at Digital Doorway - Enter The Laughter in an entry called MORE COSTUME HUMOR . Go ahead, click on it -- you'll be glad you did, after you stop rolling on the floor...

Quote, Unquote: Robert Anton Wilson

This one appeared on Friday on Nanovirus's blog. It is deserving, in its tongue-in-cheekiness, to be disseminated as far and wide as possible. Particularly in light of the nonsense going on in Pennsylvania and Kansas lately...

"Without faith we might relapse into scientific or rational thinking, which leads by a slippery slope toward constitutional democracy."
~~~ Robert Anton Wilson

HUMOR: Last Photos Before Death

From my buddy Pam in North Carolina comes these six harrowing photos, allegedly taken moments before the photographer left this mortal coil. Well, I'm not entirely sure about that, but they sure are interesting photographs...

Do look at the larger views ... the detail lends credence to the notion they might have been the last thing seen by the picture snappers...

Last Death 6

 
 

Last Death 5

 
 

Last Death 4