Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Johnny Jump Up

Now THAT'S what I call Wearing Of The Green!

It's Saint Patrick's Day here in the United States. Unlike the Emerald Isle, the snakes are out in full force and I worry each and every time I let the dog out. It's also traditional here to drink oneself silly on this day. AN activity I may no longer participate in as the consequences are dire. Where normal folk eventually conclude they have had enough, I can only say, "Another round, barkeep." Even if I've fallen off my barstool a half dozen times already. Then there is the pugilism streak. Like all small men, I think I'm indefeatable when I have a quart of whiskey in me. And Lord help us all if it's been hard cider, AKA "Johnny Jump Up" that I've been drinking -- then I want to take on the whole bar. Only Tequila makes me meaner. But let's just enjoy the lyrics to the traditional humorous poke at ourselves the Irish call "Johnny Jump Up"

Johnny Jump Up

I'll tell you a story that happened to me

One day as I went down to Cork by the sea
The sun it was hot and the day it was warm,
Says I a quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm

I went in and I called for a bottle of stout

Says the barman, I'm sorry, all the beer is sold out
Try whiskey or paddy, ten years in the wood
Says I, I'll try cider, I've heard it was good.

Oh never, Oh never, Oh never again

If I live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a quart of the Johnny Jump Up
After downing the third I went out to the yard

Where I bumped into Brody, the big civic guard
Come here to me boy, don't you know I'm the law?
Well, I up with me fist and I shattered his jaw

He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up

But it wasn't I hit him, 'twas Johnny Jump Up
The next thing I remember down in Cork by the sea
Was a cripple on crutches and says he to me

I'm afraid of me life I'll be hit by a car

Won't you help me across to the Celtic Knot Bar?
After downing a quart of that cider so sweet
He threw down his crutches and danced on his feet

I went up the lee road, a friend for to see

They call it the madhouse in Cork by the Sea
Butl when I got there, sure the truth I will tell,
They had this poor bugger locked up in a cell

Said the guard, testing him, say these words if you can,

"Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran"
Tell him I'm not crazy, tell him I'm not mad
It was only a sip of the bottle I had

Well, a man died in the mines by the name of McNabb

They washed him and laid him outside on the slab
And after the parlors measurements did take
His wife brought him home to a bloody fine wake

Twas about 12 o'clock and the beer was high

The corpse sits up and says with a sigh
I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
Til I bring them a quart of the Johnny Jump Up

So if ever you go down to Cork by the sea

Stay out of the ale house and take it from me
If you want to stay sane don't you dare take a sup
Of that devil drink cider called Johnny Jump Up

Have a Good Day and don't be drinking any of the 'Johnny Jump Up' me boy-o's.

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Winter Tent Living In Maine

Here's a thought, my fellow fulltimers. Instead of mildly complaining of a little wind and rain, imagine tent living in the Maine woods in January with sub-zero temperatures and two feet of snow. Makes my highball glass shiver, it does. This man lives it, according to this story in the Bangor Daily News .


Surviving a Blizzard in a Tent Photo Credit: Bangor Daily News copyright 2015

Friday, January 02, 2015

So it's a new year already...


Photo Credit: James Barnett Creative Commons Copyright for Non-commercial Use

Inauspicious beginnings to 2015. Head cold that has since migrated south to the chesticle regions has me coughing, sneezing, sniffling and taking breathing treatments every few hours (with one lung, it's sorta necessary). Oh joy!

I was served by a East Baton Rouge Parish constable on New Year's Eve. Seems my neighbors in Maine have a crossed hair about the old vehicles in the dooryard and dilapidated state of the property. Maybe it's really bad, I don't know - it's been over a year since I left. But the Town Council is citing the cars and dilapidation as reason to bring me to court to condemn my home and (everything in it) as well as cite me for running an illegal automobile graveyard. 

OK, fair enough. I am so glad that they are each such paeons of virtue that they can cast the first stone. I sure ain't. What really pisses me off, though, is the fact that this matter is scheduled for hearing in February. I am not released for flight nor extended travel by the Cardiologist. Sure hope I can find a lawyer to help stave this off or I will lose everything.

SO, if I seem a trifle unenthused about the prospect of the new year upon us, at least you know why.

I hope you have a better 2015 than I'm having so far...

And So It Goes.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Keep Xmas Weird


full unipiper christmas

PHOTO CREDIT: The Musician/Band The Unipiper. Used with permission.

My sentiments, exactly. That’s how I’d choose to spend the holidays if’n I was only 25 and still drinking…

Merry Christmoose, y’all!


Merry Pugmas

Here’s a little something that showed up in my email this morning. Even though I’d never voluntarily choose a Pug as a constant companion (Iggy, the smelly schipperke is quite enough trouble, thank you).

Merry Christmas, Y’all!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Deluge Thoughts & Holiday Cheer


Almost 3 1/2" of rain dropped by serious thunderstorms all day yesterday as a cold front stalled out overhead. Despite 12 hours of tornado watches, we were spared. Good thing, as getting to the house for shelter involved wading ankle deep in puddles. Iggy was closer to a drowned rat than a Schipperke after a foray to the backyard at midday to relieve a nearly bursting bladder.

One of the downsides of that much rain was the unexpected overflowing of the black tank this AM from the rainwater that went down the vent. It was enough that things rather reek in here at the moment. Unpleasant but the odor will be gone in a few days of drying out. Just wasn’t expecting the need for that much Febreeze deodorant over the holidays with everything closed.

Still, it could be a whole lot worse. I feel badly for the folks NE of here that were hit by tornados. A hard thing at this time of year. Makes it hard for those who had very little to have to start over again with nothing. A donation to the Red Cross would be appropriate if you can spare the funds, a donation of blood if your precious bodily fluid is acceptable is the gift of life, y’know.

Nothing big planned for the holidays here. SWMBO is trying to come off Cymbalta without benefit of a titrating dosage and is a cross between an angry dragon and an old sow bear getting ready for hibernation. She can’t help it. Doesn’t make it fun to live with, though. Am firmly of the mind that Doctors who prescribe a medication should know what the issues with discontinuance might be – except this time it was Eli Lilly & Company that allegedly lied to the FDA, the medical community and the patients about the side effects of withdrawal.

It’s odd, the falsehoods our brains seize upon and hold onto like a guard dog with a burglar. A certain party, unnamed to protect the guilty, told us we must not use the blue and white snowflake lights we bought last Friday because “only Jews display blue lights at Christmastime.” “Gee,” say I, “there sure must be a lot of Jews in the USA, because from 38,000 feet flying across the country in a jet, I have noted that blue lights are the most likely Christmas lights to be visible at that elevation (red has a much shorter wavelength than blue). Anyway, despite evidence presented to the contrary, I don’t think they were convinced.

So, that’s the snooze fit to spill. We’re doing well, everything considered. Hoping to hit the road to warmer climes before too long. I hope you all have safe, happy holidays. Sleep tight, don’t let the Krampus bite, and make sure your fruitcake has been soaked in 101 proof bourbon for at least a year before sampling it.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Well, yesterday was a success for me. I hope it was for you, too. An afternoon visit to the Cardiologist revealed the startling news that I managed to lower my Triclycerides by over 900 points! I'm back near-normal. So, one hurdle crossed off - I'm free to resume our traveling plans, if the primary care doctor agrees. That appointment is shortly after the New Year. Got to hustle to be ready for wheels up - hard to do during the holidays.

Finished Christmas shopping last night, now to wrap and label. Me wrapping presents is like the Marx brothers - except I'm all alone with tape stuck here, and there and . No photos, please. 

Nice to have good news to relay, for a change.

Monday, December 08, 2014

Interim Report: Baton Rouge, LA

We survived Thanksgiving, had a wonderful Ham dinner and all the trimmings with one of SWMBO's daughters, including way more dessert than I should have, but hey, it's T-Day, after all. Hid out through the Black Friday - Cyber Monday madness. Been fighting some stomach bugs off and on since that manifest in odd moments for no apparent provocation. A visit to the Lab next week for bloods should offer up a numerical value or two on the state of my recovery or decline. We'll be meeting with the doctor on the 19th. It is hoped he will give me the OK to resume my wanderings as we were hoping to winter near Port Aransas, Texas. Keeping fingers and toes crossed.

In the meantime, preparations are underway for the coming holidays. Urgency to start and complete repairs is notched a little higher. Never a dull moment when you're a procrastinator, is there?

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

Traditionally at this time of year one gives thanks for the good things that have happened and will hopefully happen in future. We gloss over the bad stuff and cast a rosy countenance upon ourselves. I'm thankful, too, but there are no rose-coloured glasses astride my nose. No Siree!

Then we stuff ourselves silly on roast turkey with all the trimmings, beaucoup pies and sweets, topped off with Bordeaux and Bourbon, until replete, whence  we waddle off to the nearest easy chair to sleep off our excesses as we "watch" football.

Sadly, that hasn't been my modus operandi for many years. This year will be no different. Not sure what I am serving for dinner, but it won't be turkey, goose, duck or any other roast fowl. Roast veggies are a possibility if I can get my wife to drive me to Wally World in the AM, else it will be the luck of the pantry. Beans, more than likely. Rice. The staples of most of the non-Western world. Off to a daughter's for dessert in the evening, mostly for the company as this diet doesn't permit such luxuries as cheesecake or blueberry pie. Lunch for yours truly will be a revisit with the Hot and Sour Squid Soup I made for my supper today (SWMBO claims I'm part Squid...) while the Mrs. will probably opt for a PB&J if I get some bread in the morning. Steel cut oats laced with stewed raisins & a scrambled egg was my fast breaker. 

Such is the life of the cardiac challenged. Hope yours is a tastier repast. Nevertheless, beans and rice beats the alternative I stared down in the ER just 2 1/2 weeks ago. Wasn't quite ready for the Reaper and his scythe just yet.

And So It Goes. Have a happy holiday and drive safely ... the life you save might be mine.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Convalescent Ennui

It's been a quiet week devoted to recuperating from recent traumatic health events. A major mood setback occurred on Wednesday with the arrival of the hospital bill for nearly 60 grand, and that doesn't include doctors and surgeons, nor ambulance ride to the ER. All in, I suspect close to 80 grand before we are through. Seeing as how I have never earned that much money in my life in a year's time, I suspect a working familiarity with the bankruptcy system isn't far away in my future, if you know what I mean. I don't suspect I'll ever get it fully paid off before I die. Pisser.

Bone-headed move be me: I went to renew my drivers license the other day. The drive to the DMV is a far trip. SWMBO told me the night before to bring my birth certificate. Yours truly failed to do that. You can guess the rest. Got to the DMV on Thursday afternoon and the clerk informed me I HAD to have my birth certificate. I've had a DL for almost 50 years. Not once did I have to provide a birth certificate. This is utter bullshit. Bad enough the governor caved to the RFID chip in the license, now the pharking gestapo expect us to have "ze papers upon our person" at all times!?! Heil Hitler! The better half was some old PO'd at me. She still is and offers no sign of an inclination to desist, either.

Hope y'all stay warm and dry as much as possible this weekend and in the week ahead. Be thankful next week for what all you have, material and immaterial. The Pettybees will figure out a way to take it from you before long.

And So It Goes...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

I’m Still Here, Sort of…


Yep, still amongst the living. I was discharged from the hospital last Friday night, too late to obtain the multiple prescriptions written by my cardiologists and hospitalist. But, that didn’t keep me from toodling around the local Wal-Mart on a scooter buying groceries while waiting for the one emergency prescription I could get filled.

Home again, finally, to a very excited Schipperke. Poor Iggy had to sleep outside with the other dogs, eating Old Roy Chinese dog kibble (Wally World brand) and generally feeling abandoned all week. So you imagine how happy he was to see his sleeping partner (me), his personal gourmet food provider and personal walker (also me), return to end his travails in the wilds of the backyard. Aside from a bad case of the itchies from the Chink Food, he appeared none the worse for wear.

The weekend was slow, but apparently I didn’t take it easy enough. A hematoma the size of a large grape arose on Sunday night and much spousal consternation ensued. Attempts at reaching the appropriate parties were fruitless until a PA at the hospital said I should go by the office the following day. That is about all that PA did, as I got chewed out by office staff the next day for showing up unannounced. An EKG, and a sonogram of the heart and I was told there was no damage, just a blood-filled vein with a bubble of blood. Take it easy, sir, and you’ll do fine…

So I did as told until last night, when I wrestled with a stuck kitchen drawer and the drawer won. Now I’m sore and we don’t know if the stent was disturbed or just a pulled chest muscle. We’ll see the Cardiologist on Monday afternoon as scheduled and find out then if there’s a problem.

Until then, we are trying to stay warm and dry in the coldest autumn we and Baton Rouge have ever experienced. Compared to the rest of the country, there isn’t much to complain about. Twenty-seven degrees and 3 1/2 inches of rain on Sunday to look forward to, I guess. Propane here is high, because of tailgating the LSU games, of all the ridiculous excuses for screwing the consumer.

The Doc has put the kybosh on any travels in the next year so am (literally) stuck here until Spring when I must renegotiate with said doctor about closing out my affairs in Maine. Maybe next year we’ll get to see the desert in Spring bloom. So much for the Gulf Coast of Texas, the Rio Grand Valley, Quartzite and beyond.

That’s my world today. Closing in around me, but it STILL beats the alternative,  ;)

And So It Goes…