Ode To A Fart

This was my wife's Valentine's Day gift to me. Being as I went to kindergarten, I know how to share ...

Happy Valentine's Day to my readers!


A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us,
Sooner or later.

But 'farts are all bad',
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!


Kinda brings a tear to your eye - doesn't it?

MEME: Wednesday Mind Hump

Wednesday Mind Hump Love-In

Rfduck took a moment from his busy day, gluing lace to Valentine's Day duck eggs, to say, “Hello everyone! Today is Valentine's Day, so this Mind Hump is all about love.”

1. Who do you love?
SWMBO – She Who Must Be Obeyed – My wife.
2. What do you love?
Hmm, truffles and good food, puppies and kittens, butterflies and fish jumping in the new light of a crystal clear, calm morning at the lake, near misses where no one gets hurt, beautiful women and handsome men, my grandchildren and yours.
3. Where do you love? (What's your favorite place to be?)
Right here in Maine.

I haven't a clue as to why it's taken almost three days to do this. Chalk it up to the anxiety over the storm, I guess. Y'all have a good week!

MEME -- Monday Madness -- Won't You Be Mine?

Otto looked up from her frantic perusal of catalogs to implore, “Thank you all for playing Monday Madness. With Valentine's Day coming up this week, I thought I'd use questions offered by one of our very faithful MM players, rach. Thank you, Rach! Look for YOUR questions to be used in the future! Have a great week, everyone!” =)

1. How do you celebrate Valentine's Day? By being sappyily romantic – SWMBO loves it!
2. Name a special gift you received during Valentine's Day. I'm all about the giving on V-day.
3. Define Love using each letter: L.O.V.E. Lusty, oblivious, vacuous eroticism.

MEME: Sunday Seven - Episode 76

This Wednesday, couples everywhere will celebrate Valentine's Day. So I was thinking about those popular little candies that come in the shape of hearts that have sweet messages printed on them in edible ink. Who comes up with those little messages? Hmm...this could very well be the topic of a Sunday Seven question. And since it's timely, why not just do it this week!

But first, Carly, of "Ellipsis...Suddenly Carly," was first to play last week. Congratulations, Carly!

On to this week's question!

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
Come up with seven messages, naughty or nice (but not too naughty!), that you'd like to see printed on those heart-shaped Valentine's Day candies.

1. Kiss Me, You Fool!

2. Love Sucks; Lovers Swallow!

3. Two's Company, Three's Fun!

4. This Space For Rent.

5. Wine, Women & Song = Hangover!

6. Firemen Have Long Hoses

7. Kiss Nekkid – It's Friendlier!

John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #151: Valentine's Day -- Fun or Forced?

Next Wednesday is Valentine's Day, the day on which lovers everywhere disgorge flowers, chocolates, cards and gifts for their beloved. Some folks even propose or get married on Valentine's Day. So here's what I want to know: Weekend Assignment #151: Is Valentine's Day a genuinely romantic day? Or just a big commercial money pit into which romantic people fall? Go on, share how you really feel about the day -- whether you enjoy it, or feel like it's forced on you by greeting card companies, or fall somewhere in between those two poles. Extra credit: Suggest a nice romantic movie.

Dear John,

Great minds think alike? Fools never differ? Whatever!

As far as I'm concerned, Valentines Day is just another marketing ploy by the Chocolate Truffles, Greeting Cards and Teddy Bear Manufacturers, in association with La Cosa Nostra and DeBeer's, to rob consumers of any disposable cash before the various taxing authorities can get their share. But what I think doesn't amount to a hill of beans. When consulted, the women in my life might respond in less than agreeable fashion.

“Not so,” pouts SWMBO¹.

“Au contraire, si vou plais,” moues my step-daughter.

I'm outnumbered.

It seems the Pettybees² have spoken. Valentine's Day is a day for remembering romance. It is deemed thus by no less authorities than my wife and step-daughters. A day to reminisce as to why they married the silly blighter in the first place. A time to provide diamonds and chocolates and other suitable tokens of my esteem and affection.

Guard yourself well, wear your Kevlar undies – I know these women all too well. Attempt to mess with their day and you might as well leave a note for the milkman directing where your remains should be buried.

So the cartels get my few scheckels annually and my wife is treated like the Queen she is. I get one step closer to the grave. All is right in the world...

So do keep faith with your women-folk, John, as they are a pretty special lot. And to the rest of you ladies out there, I'm sure there's romance to had from that hard-hearted man in your life. Just give them another half-turn and look them straight in the eyes before they have a chance to utter a complaint. Worked with me, anyways.

Wil

P.S. I suggest When Harry Met Sally as a fun, light romantic evening, tolerable by even the most callow of cads.

1SWMBO = “She Who Must Be Obeyed,” the literary invention of Sir John Mortimer, Q.C., the author of the “Rumpole of the Bailey” series of stories, who uses the appellation to denote Hildie, Rumpole's long suffering wife.

2Pettybees = PTB's = the Powers That Be. A literary invention of Anne McCaffrey in the novel of the same name.