Best Wishes

Still packing. DirecTV, phone & DSL canceled. Pipes to be drained in the morning. I think we'll get out of here REAL SOON NOW. We're broke with just enough cash for tolls and a gas credit card to get us there. Wish us luck. We'll need it.

We'll be silent here for a while, most likely. Therefore, be good to yourselves and have a Merry Christmas. Or, if you prefer, Happy Festivus, Kwanzhaa, Channukah, Solstice, Pot Luck Sup for the Flying Spaghetti Monster. We hope you have a wonderful holiday season, no matter what you do or don't believe in, on or about. Have a happy. I'll try to post from Maryland else it'll be after the new year.

Toodles!

Hard Driving Seventeen Inches...

No, Silly. Not me. The blizzard!

Yep, still stuck in Maine. Up to my knees in snow after enduring 30-40 MPH winds driving 17" of the white stuff. It wasn't fit for a flea on a South-fleeing mule. Temps in the teens and the wind chill in the negative numbers.

I know how cold it was . I worked out in it for several hours trying to get ready to leave.

Everything takes four times as long as normal and exhausts me.



Anyway, still here. Still cold. Very, very broke.

Bah humbug.

Anyone for an omelet?

Still here in Maine, where it is less than 20°F and falling with 5 or 6 inches of new snow. SWMBO and I have taken turns being sick with colds and then severe bronchitis which has made departure for sunnier climes impossible. In the meantime, there's always the local daily to amuse me:

Nearly 260,000 eggs stolen in Maine

By The Associated Press

TURNER, Maine — Maine State Police asked authorities throughout New England to be on the lookout for an unmarked truck hauling eggs without the proper paperwork as they investigated the theft of nearly 260,000 eggs from a Maine egg farm.

An estimated 259,200 eggs, stacked on 24 pallets and worth about $25,000, were stolen from the Quality Egg Farm of New England in two separate incidents...

Click the title to read the rest of the story.

Remnants of the buck. Note the tipping of the bumper down - not supposed to do that.

Frontal view with forensic samples. Note cracked light frame; missing skirt behind bumper.

Close-up of busted lenses and frames. Too sick with my wife's cold to go around to the body shops today. Maybe Monday.

Got My Deer...

At approximately 5:07 PM, EST (well after sunset in these parts) I bagged my deer for the year. A buck, about 225 pounds, jumped out into the middle of Broadway near Kenduskeag Avenue. I was trapped in a long line of cars heading out of town (what passes for rush hour around here). No where to go. An oncoming vehicle swerves, then skids into and back out of my lane...

KerBLAM! One second I'm minding my own business and the next I am turning off into a woods road to get out of traffic. I was just thankful the fellow behind me didn't ram me - I had two 30 gallon propane tanks strapped in the rear of the Suburban I had just had filled. Would have been a spectacular blast, that's for sure. I'd have been naught but smithereens, too.

Anyway, went out and took an initial look. Dang it - busted lenses. Went back around to get a flashlight and I can hear thrashing just off the road in the woody verge. No gun. Of course. Look down the road. No one else has stopped. Guess the other car didn't think they hit the deer.

Examined the front end. Not only are the lenses busted, but the interior housing is probably cracked, the plastic interface between the grill and front bumper is shattered and the mounts for the bumper are now smushed. I suspect other components of the energy absorbing front end are probably requiring replacement, too.

More thrashing and bleeting from the woody verge.

Being the possessor of enlightened self-interest and self-preservation, I sat my ass back in my truck and considered what to do. Potential for repairs to exceed the $1000 threshhold for mandatory accident report about 70%. So I dial 9-1-1 and go through the whole song and dance. Dispatcher refuses to believe me when I specify the city police - she asks for details as to where I am. Finally convince her all I need is someone from Bangor P.D. to come by so I can file an accident report.

It'll be a while. Sit tight.

About 30 minutes later a car pulls off behind me, turns on some blue strobe lights and a face appears at my driver's side window, inquiring whether I am OK. After a short discussion, it is pretty obvious that said police officer wasn't dispatched to my site - he was just driving by. In point of fact, he isn't from Bangor P.D. at all -- just a nice young (oh my, how very young he is) Maine State Trooper.

Trooper Bean then inquires as to the extent of damage - I do my song and dance and we both go to the front of the vehicle and look it over. He doesn't think it'll top a grand, so he calls Bangor P.D. and cancels them, then goes into the woods (we could still hear the deer in there) and dispatches the injured animal with his service automatic.

Later, back at his cruiser, he inquires if I want the meat. No tarp in the 'Burb and fully carpeted, and no plans to leave any power on in the house when we head out to the South lands. So, the local homeless shelter will be the beneficiary of my misfortunate meeting with Herr Buck and Trooper Bean.

Pictures of the truck damage after daylight. Maybe. I didn't take any of the deer - too P.O.'d

Yes, I am just fine - merely annoyed and dreading dealing with the insurance company, body shops and all before being able to leave -- snow is forecast for Sunday, darn it. Next week looks to be poor for traveling, too.

And So It Goes...

As Dax Says, "Just Damn!"

Fine Print: This photo captures my body's reaction perfectly. From the Flickr photostream of professional photographer The Ziegelofen, "Goosebumps". All rights remain with the copyright holder(s). Fair use for illustrative purposes of the subject matter, freaking cold temperatures. Model unknown and presumed to be of an age appropriate to deciding to expose herself to the world via the Internet. Your mileage may vary. Beware of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.




That's Dax Montana for the uninitiated. And his signature saying so applies doubly to the weather today. Awoke to the trailer rocking and a bitter 16° F. Sadly, the forecast low for tonight is in the single digits.

What in the name of the Flying Nun's Panties am I still doing in Maine at these temperatures?

I am having a horrible time getting out of town and the departure date keeps receding with the growth of the glacier in my driveway from running water 24/7 to keep from freezing pipes in the Airstream.

Just Damn!

Christmas Decoration From Hell

Do check out this entry by John Cole: Pig Ignorant Religious Nuts

A classic case of the failure of the Christian Right to grasp the least inkling from history.

Yeah, I want a flaming, freaking cross on my lawn this year, for sure!

Where's my sheet?

More HUMOR From The Mailbag

WARNING: New Scam

I do not normally send around e-mails on issues like this....but be warned...

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Polo Park for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your bags into the trunk. They both start cleaning your windscreen. Their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It's impossible not to look especially with all the rain we have been having.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say "No" and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case Canadian Tire on St. James. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen Oct 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, and again on the 17th. We are now into Nov and those little vixens fooled me again on the 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, again last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Sears has wallets on sale for $2.99 each

HUMOR From The Mailbag

A legal question:

Is this statutory rape???

Nah ... It's just a moosedemeanor.....

Portrait of the blogger as an old man...

 

Lowing skies and hints of death in the air,

It's getting all greyscale around here. Frantic preparations for departure to southern climes are underway. Anyone want to take a bet on whether I beat the first real snowstorm? My money is on the weather...

WORD is VOTED

Leonard Cohen, a Canadian, says it best: DEMOCRACY IS COMING TO THE USA.

Congratulations to the Obama campaign. I do not envy him, and them, the task before them. Nor do I envy the brave men and women of the U.S. Secret Service who are charged with protecting President-elect Obama and his family. I suspect every hate-mongering wingnut in the country is preparing themselves for an assault upon the Obamas as I type this. The Secret Service knows that no protection detail is good enough to prevent an assassination by the truly determined.

I suspect we will get to experience the true meaning of the old Irish curse, "May you live in interesting times." In addition to racists, white-supremacists and other racially-motivated groups (including those who don't think Obama is 'black enough', by the way), there are the truly dangerous assassins to contemplate. Men and a few women, trained as sharpshooters by the military, extremely professional and practiced. They're all the stuff of a bodyguard's nightmares. For the new administration, I fear, they'll be a recurring dream.

Congratulations, too, to Senator John McCain who showed, too late to change the outcome, that he is a class act. Where in hell was that persona hiding, John? Why oh why did you allow the RNC and the neo-cons to hijack your campaign and foist Sarah Palin upon you? Have you been that exhausted, that weak, that distracted by other matters that you couldn't see the error of their advice? Too late now. What might have been shall never come to pass for you. Time to live out your days in your too many redoubts around the world (six? seven? Fuck it, who gives a flying fig these days, anyway?) Go imitate Barry Goldwater's post-presidential bid and fade into the woodwork.

To Sarah Palin, no congratulations but a hearty fare-thee-well in your icebound fortress up there in Wasilla. Good fishing; good fucking. Stay where you are welcome. Don't venture down here on another fool's errand again.

Ralph Nader, you arrogant ass - get lost. Likewise, Cynthia Ann McKinney, Jonathon Allen, Charles O. Baldwin, Robert L. Barr, Alan Keyes and the rest of the wingnuts - get lost as no one ever found you viable - not even the OB/GYN's that delivered you.

That's my election round-up. That and $5.00 might get you a cup of coffee inside the Beltway come this time next year...

Word is VOTE

Get out of your ergonomic desk chair, off your big, comfy, couch or out from under your snuggly goose down duvet and

VOTE


And take a friend, acquaintance or your significant other along with you...

"None Of The Above" - Again...

I hate elections...

As an arch-conservative Libertarian, there is no way I can bring myself to vote for Senator Obama. Simply put, he is far too liberal. Further, while he has shown good judgment in his choice of foreign policy advisers, those he has advising him on domestic policy, particularly economic policy, are so far to the left of center that most legislative initiatives, even if passed by a Democrat majority in Congress, will surely result in significant legal challenges that we, the people, can ill afford to wait out. Salvaging the economic situation will require a moderate solution, not a liberal one.

Sadly, the prospect of Governor Palin being only a heartbeat away from the presidency is too horrible to contemplate. Sorry, McCain Republicans, but you blew it with your arrogance and political greed by endorsing Governor Sarah Palin as your candidate for Vice-President. At least, when it comes to my vote it did.

I have no love nor even tolerance for Ralph Nader.

I know nothing about the Libertarian candidate this year but can say in my defense that usually they, as a class, are simply too liberal to be considered.

Communist Party of America? They haven't had an even remotely viable candidate since Gus Hall in the 60's. Not that I'd ever have voted for him. Still, it says something that they haven't posted a candidate worthy of consideration for over 40 years.

Oh well. I suppose it will once again be a write-in for "None Of The Above". Damn, that's been a popular choice for the past few years...

What a waste.

My Wife Solves The Halloween Conundrum...

via Pammy

Also see Vintage On-Line

AOL Is Closing It's Doors...

How else to interpret this email received an hour ago, given the shutdown tomorrow of AOL Journals and AOL Hometown? Who needs some customers that can treat them right?

Dear AOL Pictures User:

We are sorry to inform you that, as of December 31, 2008, AOL will no longer provide the AOL Pictures online photo service. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.

The good news is that AOL has partnered with American Greetings® PhotoWorks® to enable continued access to your pictures through the PhotoWorks service. PhotoWorks provides unlimited free storage, just like AOL Pictures, as well as a variety of options for making creations and sharing your photos. You can access your images on PhotoWorks simply by providing your screen name and password to register for a free American Greetings PhotoWorks account. Register for PhotoWorks now.

While we recommend the American Greetings PhotoWorks option, you may also:

• Download your photos to your computer using a new tool that will enable you to quickly save multiple images and albums; or
• Purchase a DVD archive of your images. Please note there is a charge for the DVD archive based on the number of images you select.

It is important that you take action no later than December 31, 2008. After this date, you will no longer be able to access your images through AOL Pictures. You may choose from or combine any of the options listed above, based on your needs, as long as you do so by December 31.

Please go to AOL Pictures as soon as possible to register for American Greetings PhotoWorks for continued access to your pictures or to save your images on your computer or to DVD. Here, you will also find more information and step-by-step instructions on each of the available choices.

We sincerely appreciate your being an AOL Pictures user. It has been our pleasure to provide you with an enjoyable online photo experience.

Sincerely,

The AOL Pictures Team

HUMOR: The Husband Store

From my email...

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that have money, love sex, and love beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Autumn

Heavy raindrops plopping down upon the living room air conditioner outside my window. The "zzzippp..." sound the satellite receiver makes when the digital signal is deflected by those selfsame drops of rain. The "plop, plop, plink" of dripping water accumulating in the bucket on the stairs (no, I haven't even a tenth of the $20,000 it'll take to replace the leaky roof). High, wild winds are approaching. You can hear the pines east of the house moan in anticipation.

It is Autumn in Maine.

We, too, have lost all of the deciduous leaves and the Juniper needles have turned their sickly, pale yellow, so their drop en masse cannot be far away now. Snow flurries are in the forecast for tomorrow. It is time for this grasshopper to make provision for a return to a warmer clime. I have sworn off ever shoveling snow again...

And so it goes.

Voting Advice

Planning to vote early? Do so, but make sure it gets counted. If the opposition has targeted your demographic niche for whatever reason, you MUST document the problem with your political party, as well as on the Internet. I'm just saying... no matter which of the sides you are on.

Expect dirty tricks. No, the balloting is NOT postponed if it is raining, snowing or an earthquake has struck. Don't fall for that crap. And don't fall for the crap both parties and all of their special interest groups are shoveling with their robocalls. Make this your mantra and chant it as you listen to your answering machine... "It's all bullshit... It's all bullshit..."

Good luck. The field sucks and the choices are the same old same old. Neither of the primary party candidates offers anything new. The Congress will still control the budget process and the Senate will still control the foreign policy decisions, assuming the election isn't stolen (hijacked) by the existing administration placing us all under martial law.

Laugh if you want. Even paranoids have enemies...

Septic Truck Sign