Monday, February 28, 2011

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.

2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.

3. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

4. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.

9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?

11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train
people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

12. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

13. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency,
notify:" I put "Doctor".

14. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.

16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive

17. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

18. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish
they were.

19. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't
get away.

21. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot
of tequila.

22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.

23. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

24. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the

via an email from a friend

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hard To Believe

that we have any sane women in Maine:

Dexter woman stabs boyfriend’s car on Valentine’s Day



Of course, it seems the men are just as crazy, too:

2 arrested in similar Belfast incidents


Snow Tornados

The low that missed bringing us six inches of snow has roared East towards Saint Pierre and Miquelon while a large high pressure cell is adding it’s strength to the winds from the low. It has been blowing steadily since eight o’clock last night without much of a respite. The soffit vents in this house I am staying in makes the wind sound like a soi-distant Iron Road RR freight train. And that puts me in mind of tornados. What would a snow tornado look like? On rare occasions we have snow thunder resulting from the clash of high and low; imagine a low so large and warm colliding with an icy cold high, producing tornadic circulation. Of course I know that it is the exact opposite of conditions which result in tornados, but still. Imagine a world where it was commonplace…


Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Purloined Texting

Stolen on Facebook from Dave Williams (AKA “Remo”) who stole it from John, who stole it from… hence the title of this entry.

Texting For The Senior Set

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CRS…A: Can’t Remember Shit … Again
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TMI: Too Much Imodium
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WAGJ: Want A Gum Job?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

Friday, February 11, 2011

It's Back...

... the computer, that is. Best Buy's Geek Squad got the job done in pretty fair time, everything considered, particularly the number of days that the airports have been closed to traffic in the Northeast due to inclement weather. Still, it's been a couple of days shy of three weeks without connectivity but once in a while on friends' laptops. This time it was also the motherboard. That makes two replaced in less than 90 days. They even sent the power supply along to make sure that it wasn't the proximate cause of the failure and it was given a clean bill of health. Glad to say nothing happened to the data on the hard drive. A friend lost his HD yesterday and is having serious issues. I guess we aren't quite ready for the paperless world we'd hoped for.

Yes, all that time without Internet access caused some significant withdrawal pains. I missed talking to my wife and reading your blogs -- I have over 1000 entries to read and there was 710 messages unread in my email account. I skimmed for important stuff this morning (while the computer addressed the demands of 20 different programs insisting they needed to be updated) and then deleted the rest (mostly adverts - ironic as I haven't two sou to rub together). I have read a few books -- Cordwainer Smith's classic YA novella "Norstrilia", Alastair Reynolds' premier novel, "Revelation Space" (the first in a trilogy, as it turns out) and re-read Robert A. Heinlein's "Job: A Comedy of Justice" for giggles and grins. Just started in on Ursula Leguin's "The Telling" which I have only read parts of but have never finished. 

Iggy and Belle are doing fine, enjoying having a room twice the size of the Airstream to hang out in with warm floors and lots of sunlight.Belle has been a very bad kitty of late, but that story will have to wait. I have to hit the road and there's several stops to make before the closing bell. 

With luck and a fair wind, more to come another day.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Just Checkin' In

I'm alive and well and able to demolish large stacks of pancakes at a single sitting. The weather here has been just as dismal as much of the rest of the country (currently receiving the thirteenth of a projected eighteen inches of snow - payment for missing the brunt of last Wednesday's snowstorm). Temperatures have dallied with the high teens and low twenties with overnight lows around -10*F. We average one day of sun per week. Iggy and Belle and I and ensconced in the dining room of some very generous folks, Dave and Katie. More room than I know what to do with, compared to the trailer. It is wonderful.

The night before I moved over here, the computer took another powder. This time, not even able to spin up the hard drive. No boot sequence at all, so it isn't just the drive, but likely the power regulation IC's, too. Anyway, Best Buy sent it out to be serviced in Kentucky, but there is no telling when it actually left the state nor when it arrived in Berea, Kentucky as the aviation situation in the Eastern half of the USA had been screwed up from weather for weeks now.

As expected, the family member who has provided cell phone coverage for us has found it necessary to shut off the phones, so presently, there is no way to call me and my internet access at the moment is nil, except for this momentarily borrowed laptop so I may update you on my doings. SWMBO is very upset that she can't talk with me every day, but so it goes. We are working on a solution to the communication issues and I am sure, once the laptop is back that I will be writing new entries and checking in on all of your blogs. For now, consider me in hibernation. I will emerge in the Spring, hungry for information and contact with you all.

And So It Goes...