Monday, October 31, 2005

FRANKENKITTY

I'm not often taken for a cat lover, even though I am owned by a dozen of them. So asking the AOL-AIM Journal land for help for a cat I am not associated with directly isn't my style. But I chanced to stumble onto a blog named Lost in the Fogg this evening during my blog jog that details the condition of this fortunate unfortunate pussy cat. Unfortunate, because she was hit in the head by a car. Fortunate, because this blogger's wife was the one who found the kitty and took it to an emergency veterinary hospital. They've worked on her, wiring and gluing her broken jaw and bolted her together to recuperate. So far (as of the weekend) the vet bills exceed $2000!



The saga of Samantha and her recovery began on the 21st of October. To date, they have collected almost $1600 in donations for the care of the kitty. If it had been me, I probably would have put her out of her misery, as I would do for a dog in the same circumstances. These kind hearted folks didn't and now need your help. Start out with reading the tale as it unfolds here: Please Help This Cat!



And if the spirit moves you, donate to help defray the costs incurred. If that isn't something you can bring yourself to do, give to your local animal shelter or the American Red Cross or to the charity of your choice, because the need doesn't stop, just because the camera isn't pointed that way...







HAPPY


HALLOWEEN!

MEME: Monday Madness - TV & Movies

Otto demures, “Thanks to all who played last week; I'm aware that the comments weren't working for a good portion of the day, but hopefully we'll have better luck this week. Now on to this week's questions!”


1. Name 1 comedy movie you've seen. Something About Mary
2. Name 2 black and white films you remember seeing. Harvey, Arsenic And Old Lace
3. Name 3 dramas you thought were worth watching. I, Claudius, Empire Falls, Philadelphia
4. Name 4 television shows you watch on a regular (or semi-regular) basis. Survivor. CSI. Crossing Jordan. House.
5. Name 5 things that, in your opinion, are advertised on television too frequently.
Cars. Cell phones. Beer. Feminine napkins & tampons. Long distance plans.

Each week, Natalie, AKA “Otto,” gives out with the questions. Your job is to answer. Get your questions, leave your answers or a link to them in the comments at the Monday Madness web site.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

VIVI Awards Voting Reminder

You have until midnight to cast your vote for your favorite nominees to receive a VIVI award, including yours truly. With the advent of the end of Daylight Savings Time, you even have an extra hour. But don't delay, vote today!

In the immoral words of Madame Glinka/Albert, "You don't have to vote for me. Just to be nominated... ah shit, who am I kidding?"

Vote here: VIVI AWARDS.

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 143


Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! Read the FAQ for more information.

Week 143

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Unbreakable:: lexan®

  2. Have mercy:: mama

  3. Do it better:: excel

  4. Settle scores:: revenge

  5. Comments:: adverse

  6. Craziest thing:: disbelief

  7. Apple:: Bobbing

  8. Halloween:: All Hallows Eve

  9. Manageable:: hair

  10. Trick:: treat

Get your own copy of this week's word list, post a link in the comments to your answers and sign up for automagic notification when new words lists are ready – all by visiting the world headquarters of unconcious mutterings and chick lit funnies at that crazy chica's -- http://subliminal.lunanina.com .

Saturday, October 29, 2005

A Day In The Life Of An Impertinent Cog

Friday is one of my wife's semi-regular (every two weeks or so) days off. Unless there's something scheduled, she'll usually try to get caught up on her rest, due to ongoing medical conditions. This week wasn't any different. As some of you know, we live a second shift schedule. Our “morning” happens around 1PM or so. So “sleeping in” until 4:30 pm on a day off isn't too unusual. Yesterday, that was the plan. Sleep in until late, then go into town, pick up an order at the drugstore and maybe get a bite to eat and stroll the aisles at Wally World awhile.

The best laid of plans came to a screaching halt when my wife's immediate boss called about 4 PM, looking for a coworker that had failed to show at work. No show + no call = no job. Boss lady was worried, so SWMBO* got dressed and we got her check cashed and drove the twenty miles out to her coworker's home. The Sheriff's deputies had arrived moments before we did. They confirmed the worst of our fears. My wife's coworker had passed away. The woman lived alone with her aging pets, who were having none of this home invasion by armed Khakis! Sadly, none of her physicians could be reached; it is off to the medical examiner with her remains before anything else can be done.

So last night wasn't the laid back, fun-filled trip to town it usually would be. We spent a quiet evening at home, each contemplating their own mortality. There were still some tears today and a reluctance to go in to work, but “this too, shall pass.”

* She Who Must Be Obeyed

MEME: Weekend Assignment #83




Weekend Assignment #83: Tell us a scary Halloween story... that happened to you.

What I'm looking for here is a story where you were spooked or scared by someone or... something... in or around Halloween (or, alternately, a story where you spooked the heck out of someone else). Please note I don't want stories in which you or others were genuinely in danger -- I'm talk about you getting one big BOO! moment, which, after you were able to get your heart back into your chest, resulted in you saying something along the lines of "Don't do that!" to whomever was giving you a spook. A fun frightening, in other words.

Extra Credit: The song "Monster Mash": Fun or lame?


Dear John,

Try as I might, I can not come up with a single instance of anything approaching fear on Halloween. Nothing, nope, nada. So I'm going for the Extra Credit right from the git go and say the Monster Mash is fun. And poo on you for thinking otherwise – you're too bloody young to appreciate the nuances inherant in the presentation when it first appeared in the Dark Ages. Up until then, society was limping along with Doris Day singing about rubber tree plants, ants in the pants and some girl from Impanema or some such. Lord Buckley was too risque for over-the-air play, Lenny Bruce was still an unknown. Humorists consisted of Alan Sherman (“Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder, here I am at Camp Granada!”), Mort Sahl and Alan King. Bob Newhart was standing on a stage, talking to himself on a phone, for Ezus J Icekray's sake!

Now, I've been scared and frightened many times over the years. Heck, about the time that the Monster Mash appeared, I was spending three minutes a day huddled under a desk in fear of a nuclear attack by Soviet Union! But, had I known this at that time (1962) I'd have been terrified! Gary Paxton, the producer of “The Monster Mash” was the singer and lyricist of that other, less humorous one hit wonder song, Alley Oop. Aaarrgghhh!

Hollow-weenie Yours,

wil




Monster Mash
Bobby "Boris" Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers

(Written by Bobby Pickett and Lenny Capizzi)


I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
==================================================
Send corrections to: lyrics@webfitz.com

Meme: Saturday Six – Episode 81






Here are this week's "Saturday Six" questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal over in Patrick's comments so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. What is a bigger pet peeve for you: someone trying to talk on a cell phone during a movie, a baby crying in a restaurant, a dog barking on your street, or music played loud enough to rattle windows. ALL of the above.

2. What is your favorite cologne or perfume that you wear most often? Old Spice After Shave. Which one is the one you like the scent of, but don't wear often or at all? Jovan Musk for Men.

3. In your opinion, what is the best way to tell someone you value how much they mean to you? Flowers and diamonds.

4. Earlier this week, I posted a personality quiz: If you haven't taken it, please do; if you already have, how accurate were the results compared with your true personality. The conclusions reached by the author weren't a great correlation with the answers given. S/he was stretching a bit too much in their generalizations.

5. When was the last time you feel you got as much sleep as you really needed in a single night? Tuesday night.

6. If a stranger walked up to you and handed you a briefcase with enough money to pay off every debt you had down to the penny, do you think you could start from then on living debt-free?
Not unless I could find a new source of income. It has gotten so there are so many freelance writers out there willing to work for peanuts that I can no longer find the work I used to think of as my “play money,” but which has been my sole means of support since 1999. Everybody and his brother thinks they can write. If it weren't for my wife, I'd have gone to prison long ago just for stealing food or fuel...


If you have a Reader's Choice question you'd like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar and send it to Patrick at Patrick's Place. You'll be glad you did and your hemorrhoids will stop itching and burning, guaranteed.

Weird Firefighter News

Well I never...

Saved by a thong
A fireman accused of bringing disgrace to the service by walking nude across his station yard has been saved from the sack - by his thong.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

It's all about the need...

Something a little more frivolous today I think, something I shamelessly stole from Silk at Just Breathe.

Go to google and do an advanced search and in the exact phrase section type '(name) needs' and post the first ten subjects that come up.


  1. Wil needs to learn how NOT to studder (sic).

  2. Wil needs to have CHF 300,000 by Tuesday - or else no NLA license.

  3. Wil needs Mojo

  4. WIL Needs Outlines! ...

  5. WIL needs your help! Please provide 2 different women leaders in the Bay Area you know who might be interested in participating in a WIL event

  6. Wil needs to keep her personal life --

  7. Wil needs To film himself doing the StarWars kid dance. even Space Ghost is doing It....

  8. After dealing with the sick company for eight years, the bench observed that WIL needs to be wound up as all options for its revival have been explored

  9. Wil needs to find her mama a man, so as to save face with the family and community. She also needs to find a way to make her love of Vivan work out.

  10. Wil needs just a little more ground clearance

Humor: Bald with a peg leg...

I love Marti and her sense of humor, so I steal from her blog frequently. However, even I, a scum-sucking pond dweller, have standards. Stealing twice in a week from the same source -- nope. No can do.

Hence, the necessary linkage of a referral to a GREAT Halloweenie Joke over at Digital Doorway - Enter The Laughter in an entry called MORE COSTUME HUMOR . Go ahead, click on it -- you'll be glad you did, after you stop rolling on the floor...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Quote, Unquote: Robert Anton Wilson

This one appeared on Friday on Nanovirus's blog. It is deserving, in its tongue-in-cheekiness, to be disseminated as far and wide as possible. Particularly in light of the nonsense going on in Pennsylvania and Kansas lately...

"Without faith we might relapse into scientific or rational thinking, which leads by a slippery slope toward constitutional democracy."
~~~ Robert Anton Wilson

HUMOR: Last Photos Before Death

From my buddy Pam in North Carolina comes these six harrowing photos, allegedly taken moments before the photographer left this mortal coil. Well, I'm not entirely sure about that, but they sure are interesting photographs...

Do look at the larger views ... the detail lends credence to the notion they might have been the last thing seen by the picture snappers...

Last Death 6

 
 Posted by Picasa

Last Death 5

 
 Posted by Picasa

Last Death 4

 
 Posted by Picasa

Last Death 3

 
 Posted by Picasa

Last Death 2

 
 Posted by Picasa

Last Death 1

 
 Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Legs...

Stolen from Marti at Digital Doorway - Enter The Laughter:

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July.

It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them very uncomfortable. They decided to stop in at Patty McGuire’s Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added some special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood.

All five Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley entered the bar through the front door with Father McGinty.

They were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.






Monday, October 24, 2005

Kewl Illusion!

Hot damn! Check out this wicked cool illusion.

Via Pattericco

Halloweenie Zombie Survivor Memorial Test

Via Orac.

I'm slowing down -- I scored higher the last time I did this, if memory serves. Remind me to travel a little lighter, next time.












You made it. Barely.

Congratulations! You scored 60%!

Whether it was the fact that you could run faster, or were just plain
lucky, you made it out alive. Even you aren't sure why. But you're sure
as hell not going back, or risking your ass for anyone else from now
on.








My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 88% on survivalpoints




Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

MEME: Sunday Seven -- Episode Eight

Sunday Seven - Episode 8<----- LINK

Gimmie an alpha! Yep, 2005 has set a new record with the number of named storms: for the first time, we've run out of names and had to go to the backup plan: the use of the Greek alphabet.

Hurricane have been named since 1953, when forecasters decided that referring to them by a woman's name would be easier than referring to them by satellite coordinates. In 1979, it was decided that the storms would alternate between male and female names.

There are six lists of names that rotate. Names are used again and again until an individual storm causes so much damage that the use of that storm's name would be in bad taste.

I will interrupt this fascinating history lecture to congratulate Tanya of "Tanya's Tidbits," who was first to play last week. Congratulations, Kathy!


THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
There are five letters of the alphabet not involved in hurricane names. Apparently, no one wanted to show the love to the letters Q, U, X, Y or Z. Pick one of those five letters and come up with seven names, male and female, that you'd use for hurricanes. (Six names would be required for the current set of six lists, and the seventh name would be a back-up in case one of the first six needs to be retired.)

Either answer the question in a comment or answer it in your journal and include the link in a comment at Patrick's Place. (To be considered "first to play," a link must be to the specific entry in which you answered the question.)

Seven Names, eh? Let's try Xander, Xerxa, Xchamu, Xavier, Xchnya, Xillick and Xchonna.

MEME: Monday Madness - More This or That!

Otto said, "How about one more week of 'this or that?' Have fun! And thank you for playing!" Don't forget, you can get on the notify list, copy your own set of questions and leave a link to your answers in the comments at the Monday Madness blog. Ta!

1. diamonds or pearls?
2. paperback or hardcover books?
3. carpet or hardwood floors?
4. dogs or cats? (Could there be any doubt with an online moniker of "Olddog"?
5. fluffy or firm pillow?
6. fine point or medium point pens?
7. clocks a little fast or on time?
8. mahjong or spider solitaire (or other)?
9. wall calendar or desk calendar?
10. 'Survivor' or 'The Amazing Race?'

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Curious Happening of the Week Before Last:

I was dealing with a noisy toilet fill valve that sounded like someone had stepped on The Doors' cat every time the toilet was flushed. Not what you want to hear when you get up in the middle of the night to seek a little relief from the demands of the diuretic-stressed bladder. I'd found a tiny tear in the valve diaphragm, so off to Big Box Despot for a replacement. It was one of the only sunny days a week ago and I was bitchin' and moaning about it as I whipped into the parking lot and saw this:



I finally got the camera's strap unwrapped from the turn signal lever and took another shot:




Yep, it's the other*, official State Bird of Maine, the Chickadee. A fledgling, from the looks of her. After a week of being soaked to the bone (we got almost 14 inches of rain over 10 days), this little birdie was taking advantage of a heat source where she found one – even in the parking lot at Big Box Despot. Here's a couple of closer views:







She flew off to join her mother in a small tree shortly thereafter. Hopefully, a little warmer than when she started.

* Every summer visitor to Maine KNOWS the State Bird is the Mosquito...

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings – Week 142



Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words at La Luna Niña to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! Read the FAQ for more information.

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Infiltration:: exudate

  2. Nice person:: geek

  3. Debt:: Eternal

  4. Settle down:: Marry

  5. Thomas:: Doubting

  6. Unforgivable:: Affair

  7. Medicine:: Mainstream

  8. A year from now:: unattainable

  9. Neighbors:: Aging

  10. Dripping:: Ceiling, wall, roof, books, computers...



An Unexpected Honor


This applies to my AOL/AIM Journal, The Daily Snooze II, but I thought you'd like to hear about it overhere at Blogger, too. <-- Shameless Plug

I was perusing journals via my aggregator, Bloglines and had just gotten to reading Freeepeace's entry on being nominated when it became necessary to let my AOL /AIM logon to proceed, something it hasn't been allowed to do for a couple of days. Lo and behold, “You Got Aim Mail!” sings out yours truly (I tickle myself with the stupidest stuff). I was curious about having received two emails to my AIM account as I rarely use it. But there was a missive from Patrick, informing me of my good fortune, as well as a congratulatory email from Artloner congratulating me on my nomination. What nomination, you ask? Why, you're looking at one of the four nominees for "Best AIM Journal," that's what! Check out the nominations at the Official VIVI Awards Journal.

Frankly, I'd gotten sucked away from the computer lately, trying to keep all the buckets, pots and pans emptied from the latest deluge to strike the burg. Then you have to let the computer room dry out ... I hate getting zapped when I sit at the computer on a wet rug... and there's the black mold all over my books and other things which have been soaked by the roof leaks. So I really haven't paying close attention to journals and blogs and stuff (I've still got over 3000 entries to read and the weekend usually accounts for another seven or eight hundred new ones). Imagine my surprise!

BEST AIM JOURNAL:
The Daily Snooze II - hewasolddog299
The Light's On...But No One's Home - krspkrmmom
Living Life...and Lovin It - chseroo
Talking to Myself – emmapeeldallas

So now, you've got all these great journals to check out. I wish all the nominees good luck. Just being nominated is an honor when you consider there is some 21 million AOL users, about 160,000 AOL Journals and an unknown (to the general public) number of AIM Journals. But there are supposedly 195 million AIM accounts (many are inactive or used strictly for IM'ing or gaining access to comments – source is the Wikipedia article on AOL Internet Messenger. If only 1/100th of 1% have an AIM Blog, that'd still be in excess of 19,500 AIM Journals. Not bad for a service less than a year old that is already saturated with free blogs. That's pretty good odds, compared to the folks nominated for King/Queen of the Blog.

Anyway, visit the VIVI Awards site and view the journals you don't already read on a regular basis. They are all deserving of your consideration before you cast your vote.


MEME: Saturday Six -- Episode 80









The first few questions involve a recent news report reported by John Scalzi in "By the Way." If the story itself didn't have you double checking the products in your house, maybe these questions will.

  1. How many products throughout your home are labelled "antibacterial."
    Probably three dozen or so. Not counting my field surgery supplies. I love amputations in the morning...


    2. As a general rule, and assuming any required knocking on wood, how often do you get anything more serious than a sniffle or mild cold?
    Once or twice a year. With one functioning lung and a compromised immune system, illness is part of life. Then again, life is a crap shoot and I'm the ivories, most of the time.


    3. John Scalzi ran this story about research that suggests the increased use of "antibacterial" products aren't necessary for people who are generally healthy, and might be causing the creation of "superbugs" that are resistant to antibiotics. Are you more likely to avoid these products after reading about studies like this?

    No. I like liquid soap. I handle animals and food stuffs frequently enough to appreciate a reduction in food-borne illness. As one who must use metformin, I spend enough time on the john with liquid diarhrea – why add to the problem?


    4. Take this quiz: Will you pass the U.S. Citizenship Test?

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

    5. Now that the gas prices have dropped just a little (but nowhere near enough), what's the most you've paid for a gallon of gas so far? $3.569

    6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #76 from Psychfun: What was your favorite cereal as a kid? When was the last time you had a bowl of it? Corn Pops. Had some back in June or July, I think. Not supposed to eat sweetened cereals. So it goes.


Weekend Assignment #82: Favorite Children's Story

John Scalzi, AOL's Blogfather, posits a topic of discussion each week at his AOL Journal, By The Way. Pick up a copy of the question, leave a link to your answers and follow the links to other's answers. It beats sitting there and picking your nose, Igor.

Weekend Assignment #82: Bedtime Stories

To answer the the obvious question: Why, yes, my daughter's bedroom does have a view overlooking an immense spiral galaxy. Doesn't everyone's?

But that's not important now. What's important is not the celestial delights of the universe, but the more homey delight that Athena holds in her hands -- the subject of this week's Weekend Assignment:

Weekend Assignment #82: What was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

Extra Credit: As an adult , have you shared that favorite bedtime story with a child?

Dear John,

My favorite bedtime story was Goldilocks & The Three Bears. Simple, moral, deeply satisfying. Then as I got a little older, Blueberries For Sal became number one on the hit parade. Shortly thereafter, I started reading my own bedtime stories if the tale was a repeat of one I already knew. Soon I was taken up into the magical world of Frank Blum's Oz tales, then Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island, Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, and A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court. The Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Edgar Allan Poe's macabre tales occupied me for a while, followed by a return to the fairy tales in the Collected Works of the Brothers Grimm; then I discovered the mother lode, William Shakespeare's The Tempest. Othello. Hamlet. A Mid-somers Night's Dream. Romeo & Juliet. The Gentleman of Verona.

Somewhere along the way, DC Comics snuck into the mix. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Fantastic Four, Spiderman. Mad Magazine, then National Lampoon. Playboy Magazine opened up all sorts of vistas. Yes, the obvious ones. But the not so obvious ones, too. In the early to mid-sixties, Henry Miller, Kurt Vonnegut, Hemingway, J.D. Salinger, Ray Bradbury, Robert Heinlein, Frank Herbert, and many others graced the pages of that men's magazine. Some of the best modern fiction to be had. The New Yorker was rarely around unless my mother had been on a buying trip to New York for her dress shop, but the old man's Playboy appeared each month like clockwork and I picked up the mail and carried it home. I'm sure it warped my impressionable little mind, as the first story I remember writing in the sixties had a title that involved Goldilocks And The Brothers Make Three...

~~~~~

Keep the greasy side down and your eyes peeled – it's deer-dodging season out there. Big hugs and kisses to Krissy and Athena, just because All Hallows Eve is fast upon you, christians.

wil

PS. I'll be sharing Goldilocks with my grandchildren. That's the second generation I'll have introduced them to, John. You have a little catching up to do, but then again, I had a head start...

Friday, October 21, 2005

Now Here's A Scary Thought...

Blame it on Gail Martin...


You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)
You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination.
You were born to be a doctor.

Need a Giggle?

Harriet Miers Blog!

Monday, October 17, 2005

This week's Monday Madness is now posted. It'll only take you a minute to complete this week's challenge, so please, hop on over and have some fun with us! Thanks for playing! I appreciate your support!


~Otto (aka Natalie)

I thought we'd do a little 'this or that' this week! Enjoy! My preferences are in red.

Which one?
1. Lemonade or Iced Tea?
2. DVD or VHS?
3. Gold or Silver?
4. Baseball or Tennis?
5. Spring or Autumn?
6. Diet or Regular?
7. Hearts or Stars?
8. Snail Mail or Email?
9. Shop: Online or In-Store?
10. Credit Card or Check?

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Saturday Six - Episode 79

Saturday Six - Episode 79

Patrick admits to the following: “I'm moving a bit slower than I expected thanks to some abdominal surgery. It is also affecting the counting of the Vivi Awards, but I'll address that elsewhere. But I managed to get the latest edition of the Saturday Six out while it was still Saturday, so I guess I must be getting a little better.”

Here are this week's "Saturday Six" questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal ... but either way, leave a link to your journal at Patrick's Place so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!


1. Who was the last person you send flowers to? Who was the last person to send you flowers?

My wife for Valentine's Day or our anniversary – I can't remember which. I think she sent me some flowers last time I was in hospital. Again, I can't remember well. What did I have for dinner? What's my name? All that and more eludes me these days...

2. What is your favorite single piece of furniture in your home and why?
An antique, handmade chest of drawers I inherited from my grandmother which she inherited from her mother who received it as a wedding gift from her mother. It is tiger maple and I can get lost in the swirls...

3. You are given the chance to model clothing in a catalog. What type of clothing would you most want to model and why?
Kayaking clothing. Because, in the catalogs, it's always pretty people who subsist on a soda cracker and a cup of water for weeks on end. Let's get real... if this country has such a massive problem with obesity, let's show it as it is, not as it might be in some fairytale world.

4. Take this quiz: What is your "power color?"


Your Power Color Is Lime Green


At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?



5. What product are you mostly likely to buy in bulk? Have you figured out whether you actually are saving money by doing so?

Cat food – 25# every week. Dog food – 40# every 3 weeks. Coffee and tea. Savings? Significant over purchase of smaller quantities as there is never any waste.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #75 from Mortimer: Now that winter is approaching, what is your ultimate comfort food? What guilty pleasure do you eat that is sinfully not good for you but, you can't get enough?

That's two questions, dammit! Comfort food – homemade french onion soup with cheese and croutons. My guilty pleasure is chocolate ice cream in decidedly unregulated quantities – always a no-no for a diabetic.

If you have a Reader's Choice question you'd like to see asked (and answered), send it to Patrick

Weekend Assignment #81: Favorite Sci-Fi Movies

Weekend Assignment #81: Favorite Sci-Fi Movies

So, my newest book, The Rough Guide to Sci-Fi Movies, is now out in the stores (its official release date is next Monday, but it's already for sale on Amazon and at other fine outlets). The book catches up readers on the history of science fiction and science fiction film, looks at science fiction film all around the world, and picks 50 science fiction films for "The Canon" -- the sci-fi films you need to see if you're serious about science fiction film.

If you check out the book, you'll discover the sci-fi films I think you need to see, and naturally this dovetails into a perfect Weekend Assignment:

Weekend Assignment #81: Share one of your favorite science fiction movies. Note that this doesn't have to be the "best" science fiction film ever, or the most popular, or the most significant; it doesn't even have to be a good science fiction film. It just should be a science fiction film you enjoy watching over and over again -- the kind that always sucks you into the couch whenever it's on TV.

Extra Credit: Who is the coolest science fiction character ever? Note that this character doesn't have to be in the film you've selected as your favorite -- consider the entire genre.

Dear John,

Am drowning here. Plink! Plonk! Ploop!! All I can hear as the drops fill their various music containers and I run back and forth emptying them in the sink. At least it isn't snow ... with an average ratio of 1” rain::1' snow, they'd need D6 dozers to get in to recover our bodies.

I've been depressed by all the gloom and rain. Almost ten days without sun – it poked out one afternoon this past week but then disappeared. Leaves are at their peak, but it's too wet to drive anywhere. Most of the best roads for leaf-peeping are impassable due to flooding.

And then you go off an choose a topic that leaves me cold. I don't like the genre of Science Fiction films. My imagination does a much better job providing the visuals and most screen writers couldn't write themselves out of a corner, let alone actually plot a story. No, I am not thrilled with either Star Wars or Star Trek movies.

One s.f. movie comes to mind that fits the description “...sucks you into the couch whenever it's on TV.” Enemy Mine, based on a book by another alcoholic Mainer, Barry B. Longyear. It was the last movie that my first wife and I attended together. It came out at the height of my battle with the bottle, although I had an autographed hard copy I'd received from my brother at home as it had appeared several years earlier. In 1980, it won the Hugo and Nebula awards for Best Novella; it also won the Locus Poll for Best Novella and on the strength of this early promise the author also won the John W. Campbell Award that year.1 It was Barry's most successful work, although not his favorite (actually, it was the movie adaptation of the novella that raised his ire). And, to my mind, Lou Gosset's portrayal of the Drac, Jeriba Shigan, is the “coolest science fiction character ever.”

But what do I know? Life is gray, science fiction movies usually get a pass from me when they are on and obviously this topic didn't thrill me as much as many do. George Bush has taken complete leave of his senses with his nomination of über virgin Harriet Miers to fill the open Supreme Court position. The earthquake in northeastern Pakistan and India has taken more lives than were displaced by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, combined ... and relief can't reach them. The Asian Avian Flu pandemic is heating up. As virii go, it won't be long until a virulent mutation begins sweeping the human world with a ferocity unseen since the Black Plague in Europe and the flu infestation of 1918 in the West. That last took the lives of many of my relatives. The disastrous potential is very real to me.

Look after your girls, John, so they will look after you.

wil



1Source: “ "Enemy Mine, by Barry B. Longyear" Review by Nicholas Whyte

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

QUIZ: What Pattern Is Your Brain?




Your Brain's Pattern



Structured and organized, you have a knack for thinking clearly.

You are very logical - and you don't let your thoughts get polluted with emotions.

And while your thoughts are pretty serious, they're anything from boring.

It's minds like yours that have built the great cities of the world!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

MEME: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 140

Unconscious Mutterings

Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! Read the FAQ for more information.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Week 140
2 days, 17 hours, 46 minutes ago

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Quirk::foible
2. Crystal::vase
3. Pet Peeve::cell phones
4. Cuban::cigars
5. Breasts::boobies!
6. Whispers::secrets
7. Complicated::life
8. Promise me::plea
9. Murder::most foul
10. Filament::light

Don’t feel like retyping the words? Cut and paste by going to the web site! Do post a link to your words in the comments there, while you are at it. There, that's a good fella.

MEME: Monday Madness





  1. Name one productive thing you accomplished this past weekend.
  2. Nada. Nothing. Not a goddamn thing.

    2. Name two things that you look forward to doing.

    Sex. Eating. In that order, too.

    3. Name three things that gross you out.

    Brains on the pavement, smeared. Accidental impalement on fences. George Bush pretending he remotely cares about the people harmed by geo-physical incidents, weather, economics, or partisan politics.

    4. Name four things that you normally do on a daily basis.

    Eat. Evacuate. Read. Listen.

    5. Name five things that you own that you think you could get rid of and not miss.

    Post hole auger. Fondue pot. Cider press. Chest Freezer. Old stereo

    Get your own list of questions every week at the Monday Madness web site. Your violaceous lichen planus will clear up if you do, guaranteed.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

MEME: Saturday Six -- Episode 78



Saturday Six - Episode 78

Here are this week's "Saturday Six" questions. Either answer the questions in a comment at Patrick's Place, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal there so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. What's your favorite brand and flavor of ice cream when you go grocery shopping? Is there any of it in your freezer right now?
Eddy's Mocha Chip. Nope, it's my favorite. SWMBO is the one who may eat ice cream.

  1. When was the last time you ate a fresh fruit as a snack rather than something not "diet friendly?"

    I haven't done much grocery shopping lately. I think it was seedless grapes, last week.

    3. Take this quiz: What language should you learn?

    You Should Learn Chinese

    Surprised? You shouldn't be - Chinese is perfect for an ambitious person like you. You're a natural entrepreneur, and a billion people are waiting to do business with you!

    What Language Should You Learn?

    I'd rate the quiz a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. The questions have a youth/slacker focus. The results and the comments therewith are inane. Nothing wrong with learning Chinese, mind you (it is the most commonly spoken language on the planet, after all. Just all the wrong reasons listed.

    4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #72 from Cdmmw2: If you could relive one moment of your life and watch it (like a movie) but not interfere, what would it be?
    That time, at the age of six or seven, when I lay on my back in the middle of a field of grain and watched clouds blow by until I fell asleep in the warm summer sun, the breeze wafting across me like waves – it truly was a 'sea of grass.'

    5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #73 from Debbie: What was something you were afraid of as a child? Did you overcome the fear?
    Sea gulls. Now I merely consider them to be flying rats.

    6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #74 from Anna: If someone were to open your refrigerator right now, what item would it embarrass you most for them to find?
    That bowl of black stuff in the back on the second shelf ... what is that crap???

    If you have a Reader's Choice question you'd like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar at Patrick's Place and send it to him.


Friday, October 07, 2005

MEME: Weekend Assignment #80

Weekend Assignment #80: Why is this man laughing?

Hey, you know what? I could use a chuckle.

Weekend Assignment #80: Share a favorite joke. Keep it clean, of course. Otherwise, go nuts.

Extra credit: Seriously: Do people think you're funny?



Dear John,

You've set an impossible task. There is no such thing as a “clean” joke – the phrase itself is an oxymoron.

That isn't to say that all things humorous involve vulgarities, for if that were true, a video of Athena cutting up wouldn't bring the smiles and guffaws that she evokes from adults. It isn't because she is just cute. It's because she is a ham at heart and loves the spotlight. Sort of like her Dada that way...

No, if things had to be dirty, then Jay Leno, Dave Lettermen and the other professional funny men (and women) wouldn't stand a chance – they'd be down here on the bread lines with the rest of us. But understand this: most of the so-called comediens tell no jokes. They do situational humor. Observational humor. The tell tall tales and short quips. But they don't tell jokes. They poke fun at politics, celebrities, their neighbors, newspapers, and themselves. But they don't tell jokes.

George Carlin just might be one of the funniest men alive. He cracks me up with just a look and a growl. But even some of his best stuff doesn't translate into a “joke.” For example, from his most recent book, “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” comes this observation on the battle of the sexes:

Here's all you have to know about men and women:

Women are crazy, men are stupid.
And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Funny? Very, so long as you “hear” it in your mind with George's cadence and timing and gravelly voice. By itself, in black and white? No. Not funny. But I guarantee it cracks up thousands when he delivers those lines in front of an audience at Madison Square Garden or Royal Albert Hall.

My favorite joke is dirty – it uses the “F” word. But more importantly, it requires the use of 'voices' to truly convey the humor in the situation. Personally, I can only think of a couple of “clean jokes” that aren't simply sanitized versions of the “real thing.”

A Sergeant is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first cadet answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The Sergeant says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second cadet and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second cadet smiles, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third cadet and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The cadet looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The Sergeant is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, andcomes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the cadet replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

SADDAM

Bubba, Boudreaux and Thibodeau were sitting at de bar in de bayou havin a beer when dey saw de presydent talkin about Saddam. Bubba says "why don dey do sumpin bout dat", Thibodeau say all dey do is talk. Den Boudreaux say we gonna do sumpin and pick up de phone and calls Saddam.

Hello, Missuh Saddam, dis is Boudreaux in de bayou, me and Bubba and Thibodeau gonna come over dere and kick you butt ... Saddam says come on over but do you realize I have a 2 million man army ... Boudreax den say " I'se gonna haf to call you back".

Next day Boudreau call Saddam back and says me and Bubba and Thibodeau talk bout it and we still gonna come and kick you butt ... Saddam says do you realize I have 50,000 tanks and an airforce ... Boudreau den say "I'se gonna call you back tomorry".

Next day Bourdreau call Saddam and say "de war is off" and Saddam says are you chicken and Boudreau he say no de sheriff say he ain't gonna feed that many prisoners.

[Big Gun] [Flame Thrower] [Big Gun]



Say Good night, John.

Good night, John.”

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Lockerbie Evidence Faked By CIA?

Police chief- Lockerbie evidence was faked

MARCELLO MEGA


A FORMER Scottish police chief has given lawyers a signed statement claiming that key evidence in the Lockerbie bombing trial was fabricated.

The retired officer - of assistant chief constable rank or higher - has testified that the CIA planted the tiny fragment of circuit board crucial in convicting a Libyan for the 1989 mass murder of 270 people.

So says one of the lead stories in the Scotland on Sunday section of The Scotsman. Of course, the “intelligence commnity” and their handlers have rushed to the CIA's defense, suggesting all sorts of motives to discredit the police officer's testimony. As well they should. After all, we don't want things to erupt in Libya the way they did in the Middle East after Newsweek's story of guards flushing a copy of the Koran down a loo at Guantanamo Bay, now do we?

Bloody wankers!

via iws




IT'S COMING

It's coming. Oh, my, yes indeedy, it is coming!

“What?” you might ask.

“NaNoWriMo2005,” I'll reply.

“What the heck is NanuNanu, or whatever it is?

“It is NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH and it is November, 2005.”

Learn all about it here in the General FAQ.

No, I haven't decided if I am going to participate this year. I only got four chapters into it last year (about a tenth of the way to the 50,000 word minimum) when you went off and re-elected George W. Bush as your President. Silly me – your momentary thoughtlessness at the polls plunged me into two months of black depression so severe I had to use a putty knife to scrape the shit away from my ears when I emerged in 2005.

But, that can't possibly happen this year. The nightmare that is the administration of George W. Bush continues, but there is no election to sneak up and depants my psychic well being. Besides, you've had a whole year to wallow in GW's greatness. Given the polling lately, one would think you have come to regret your earlier support of Dubya...

So, if I can keep it together and not weaken significantly, a chance exists. We'll see. But you – you could be the one who writes the Great American Novel this year and that would be truly wonderful. Even if you hate fund raising as much as I do, it's conceivable that you could manage a penny a word, or at least a halfpenny. Couldn't you? It goes to a wonderful cause and you'd be betting on yourself...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

MEME: Sunday Seven - Episode 5

Sunday Seven - Episode 5

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
Take a look at your immediate surroundings. Not counting your computer, printer, other hardware, software or cables, name seven non-computer things that are on your computer table.



  1. Rolodex – Addresses of former business contacts, most are badly out of date.

  2. GPS handheld unit – used to assist writer to find ass in the latest deep hole he's written himself into.

  3. Remote UHF sending unit – Thermometer/Hygrometer. It's all about the comfort levels.

  4. A hand painted loon figurine, er, statue. Carving. Whatever...

  5. A purple Leggs plastic egg container that used to provide the form for a crochetted chicken. Don't ask, don't tell.

  6. A stop watch to aid in sniping on eBay.

  7. A Blue Brain – a 2” x 3” x 2” squeeze object for stress relief from the Maine Center For Integrated Rehabilitation.

    Get your own questions and leave a link to your answers in the comments over at Patrick's Place.

Monday, October 03, 2005

MEME: Monday Madness – What's On? Edition


Sunday, October 02, 2005

    Otto says, “I once ran a meme called What's On ... Right Now? It's been a while since that site has been closed, but thinking about it has inspired me to ask the following 3 questions...”

  1. What's on your computer desk?

    Well, there's two computers, monitors and keyboards, one all-in-one printer/fax/copier/scanner, all of the peripherals that accompany those systems, an answering machine, a 6” black and white battery/DC TV, a Rolodex, DSL modem, router, an old 28K external modem, a thermometer/hygrometer, an ashtray (SWMBO still smokes -- I gave it up for the Bypass), an old coffee cup, missing it's handle that is full of pens and stuff, stacks and stacks of disks and some old photos waiting to be scanned.

  2. What does your computer desktop background look like?

    I use the Webshots screen saver/desktop engine and have accumulated about 500 photos that change out like slides every 10 minutes or so. As I write this, it is a photo of sunset on Long's Peak, Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado. I keep the calendar option turned on, so see four months , beginning with the previous month. There's also a system monitor window that resides in the upper corner. I have icons turned off on my Windoze desktop as I use the “quick start” feature on the toolbar to start frequently used programs. I like seeing the photos with as little obstruction and distraction as I can get away with.

  3. What's on your agenda for the upcoming week?

    Indian Summer is this week. I have a bunch of outdoors things I want to do. Car and truck repairs, kayaking, a hike or two before the deer hunters drive me from the woods for a month. As to what I actually accomplish besides doing some laundry, well, we will just have to wait and see. I also have a story deadline coming up and I haven't come up with a winning idea, yet (it's a contest). Another story has been nibbling at the edges of my awareness and I suppose that will come percolating out pretty soon, too.


Get your own copy of the questions and leave a link in the comments at the Monday Madness web site.



Sunday, October 02, 2005

MEME: Saturday Six -- Episode 77

First , let me thank Patrick and Gregg for assuming the heavy mantle of organizing and overseeing the newlyamed VIVI! Awards. If you are going to participate, now's the time.

Second, for seventy-seven weeks, Patrick has been like a burr under my saddle, a fly in my ear. Questions, questions, questions. Every week, more questions. Every week, more answers. I feel like a literary chipmunk, pursuing my tail on the wheel of the Saturday Six.

And so it goes.

  1. How many AOL J-landers have you actually met in person?
    None.

    2. How many photos that you have taken yourself are hanging on display in your home in a size of 8x10 or larger? (The print, not the frame!)
    None.

    3. How far do you live from your job? What is your commute time like? Has the distance prompted you to consider alternative transportation because of gas prices?
    When I last worked, it was 11 miles and 25 minutes to the job. Being the bloody sticks, the only alternatives for a fat man with a bad heart is shank's mare or a real mare – neither of which is attractive during winter and other inclement periods. Which is most of the time. Car pooling isn't an option due to irregular hours and days.

    Now, of course, it isn't a problem.

    4. Take this quiz: What decade does your personality live in?



    what decade does your personality live in?

    quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

    Actually, I suspect I live in the very early sixties ... but that wasn't an available choice.

    5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #70 from Kris: What is the funniest, most original Halloween costume you've ever seen?

    A Centaur costume – a very realistic looking horse's ass end made of foam and fabric with a very, very male front half ... the women were falling all over him!

    6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #71 from Courtenay: What is your favorite paragraph in a literary work? This might be a thought, or a message, or a descriptive passage which has remained in your consciousness throughout the years. Be sure to post the name of the book and author.

    There are way too many to chose from. Try this one, the opening lines of “Nature I Loved” by Bill Geagan (1952, Coward-McCann, Inc. New York):

    It seems there is nothing that plagues the human mind so fiercely as being completely lost when time is precious and fast running out. It's like wandering through a madhouse of mirrors while an important engagement awaits outside, or through a tangled forest swamp, with only a little daylight remaining.

    I found myself in just such a predicament five years after graduating from high school. I wasn't bewildered by numerous images of myself in glass nor was I wallowing aimlessly in a sprawl of wilderness slop and trees; but I was every bit as badly lost -- lost hopelessly, it seemed, along the twisted and cluttered trail of life.