I received this from my friend, Mary, and thought you all just might get a kick out of it. I didn't even have to write the text. Sadly, the original author is not cited -- I would gladly give full credit for this entry to its rightful owner.

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"Senior" personal ads


Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Monday Madness -- Potpourri

href="http://mmadness.blogspot.com/"MONDAY MADNESS

Again, our topic is 'potpourri.' Thank you to all participants who contributed questions! The following are the final selection from our fellow Monday Madness players.......Have fun!


1. Which is more fun, kid's toys or grown-up kid's toys? (i.e., Lego's vs. power tools)

Grown-up toys. Fire trucks, ships, cars, trucks, motorcycles, power tools - I love them all. I used to be fond of weapons of war, but I grew out of them. Weapons of peace are more fun, now.

2. What's your favorite food and why? Which food is your number one weakness?

Favorite food is lobster. But chocolate is my weakness.

3. How many blogs/journals/diaries would you say you read?

There's about 100 feeds in my Bloglines reader - all blogs. I have 37 feeds in my newsreader that are political blogs that I read if bored. Too much of "inside the Beltway" and my ulcer kicks up.

4. Do you feel you have an obligation to spread your religious belief system to others, or do you think religion is a private matter that everyone needs to decide for themselves?

My religion, or lack thereof, is my business -- private. Your right to speak about your religion ceases and you will desist when you come within my hearing, or I will terminate you with extreme prejudice. There is a reason I keep large dogs able to kill missionaries -- my back and heart no longer allow me to dig graves to hide the corpses ... but I make exceptions for Catholic fund raisers.

5. Did you keep a paper journal before blogging? Sporadically, usually when very depressed. All destroyed. None worth the paper the were written upon.

6. Describe your life in 3 words. Monkey dung milkshake.

7. What was the last thing you were wrong about?

"I may not always be Right, but I am never wrong."

8. What one thing would you do to help the world be a better place for all?

Kill.

9. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Hmmm, what do you think?

10. If you could start your own meme (And you can!), what kind of questions would you ask?

The kinds of questions that require serious research in places like the CIA Fact Book, Encyclopedia Britannica and Jane's Military Hardware series. But it wouldn't be a popular meme ... too much work, no personal information.

Monday Madness

Today's meme, for your pleasure, courtesy of Otto at Monday Madness.

1. If you could only take one item with you on to a deserted island what book, movie, music would you take? The Lord of the Rings, including appendices.
2. What's the most disgusting thing that you have ever eaten or even just put in your mouth?? Probably grubs, alive, alive-o!
3. What one thing would you do differently if given the chance? Sorry folks, my regrets are way too many to be addressed in a meme.
4. What political party, if any, do you belong to? Republican
5. Do you like icees? Yes, indeedy. Black Cherry syrup is the best, don't you agree?
6. East or West? And here I thought that never the twain shall meet ... but I think I'd head West from here. If I headed East, I'd be in for a long swim in about 40 miles.
7. Will we ever "all" be happy with the current political situation???? Seriously, not until there is a prolonged, exterior, extreme threat. Then we might stand a chance at equanimity; not before.
8. Cookies or Crackers? Crackers, of course. Was it even a choice?
9. What fun thing did you do today? Not a thing, so far.
...and #10 has nothing to do with any of the above questions.........

10. Why?? George, is that you?

Many moons ago, I was a night watchman /custodian at a Sheraton Convotel™ in Burlington, Vermont. There was a patient up on the third floor in lockdown (dementia ward) who would drive all and sundry nuts with that very same plaintive query. Until this wiseass, twenty-something would come by on his rounds to hit the simplex station outside of the stairwell across the hall from his room. Then, out of the darkness, using my best Vox Deus (Voice of God, for the heathens amongst you - you know who you are) I would offer various rejoinders which would usually silence George, sometimes for as much as five minutes.

"Why not."

"Because."

"It was inevitable," didn't work as well.

I lost track of George after I left that job until one evening, as I worked Receiving at the hospital morgue, in rolled George on a gurney. Seems he managed to get out of his restraints, off the dementia ward and to the roof, undetected. It appears he sought his answer via a swan dive from forty feet up. His remains were there for autopsy.

Cause of death was impact with the ground at terminal velocity. Proximate cause was a tumor in the right parietal area.

I guess he really did have cause for asking "why?", after all.

Bug Me Not

How often do you find yourself pursuing a bit of news of interest, only to be confronted by the need to fill out a long, nosy form needed to register for a particular web site, e.g., www.nytimes.com, for instance?

It happens to me often, as I browse around 50 news sources every day. It has gotten so bad that you have to be registered to leave a comment on blogs.

There is now a way around this for many of those sites requiring lengthy registrations, only to discover the news article was less than stellar, after all. Check out bugmenot.com - just enter the URL of the offending site. If it's in the database, you'll get a plain vanilla user id and password to use to bypass registration. We're not talking about bypassing pay site registrations -- we are talking about the myriad small potatoes sites that insist on conducting their market research before you've even set sight on their wares. Give it a try -- add it to your browser's task bar shortcuts and you always have it handy.

Thanks to my favorite crabby old lady, for pointing this one out in her blog first.

'A Bit of Music'

It appears that The Sunday Brunch is like most things in the western world in the month of August: on vacation. So I'm substituting the Weekly Bit this week as fodder for the Snooze.

Nothing much happening at home to write about. SWMBO is recovering from four, 12-hour workdays in 90°+ temps on the skilled unit (no airconditioning) by sleeping through the Olympics on the couch. The see-saw weather of lows and rain one day, followed by overcast the next, has put me into eight-hours-a-day sleep mode. That's practically unheard of since my surgery.

So this week's meme for Sunday is about music. Copy the questions for yourself and post a link here and over at the weekly bits, too.

'A Bit of Music'

1. What kind of music do you listen to? Mostly, a mix of jazz, blues, new age, bluegrass and classical, with a little classic rock from the sixties and seventies mixed in.

2. Who is your favorite music artist? If we are talking an individual, then it is a toss-up between Leonard Cohen and Willy Nelson, with Lyle Lovett a close second. If we mean group, then Jethro Tull holds that place in my heart, while my favorite female artist is Joni Mitchell.

3. How has your taste in music changed over the years? For a long time when a teenager, folk music dominated my life. Then came rock, particularly the acid rock of the late 60's / early 70's. Perhaps in reaction to all that noise, from the mid-70's through the 90's I listened to classical music most often, with jazz a staple late night companion. Now its an eclectic mix, when I listen at all. Silence has become something I appreciate more and more.

4. What is your favorite song? "Spring of '65" by the Holy Modal Rounders (Rounder Records, I think).

5. What song do you think is just plain annoying? Sadly, I'm just not into Rap or Hip-Hop. From where I sit, rocking in my chair on the sun porch of life, they're just plain wrong... all of them.

extra...
If you could write a song about your life what would you title it? What style of music would it be? country? rap? ballad? etc. How about "The Ballad of a Quiet Man," written by Leonard Cohen and covered by Willy Nelson in that inimitatable 'Texas Twang' and steel string guitar picking, with Joni Mitchell and Nora Jones doing the chorous?

That's the news from La Casa del Locos, where all the grandchildren are exceptional, and the sex is a non-stop delight.

Have a good week, folks, and remember: be careful out there... the life you save may be your own.

Monday Madness

A potpourri of questions from the Monday Madness meme spot.

1. What's "it" all about, anyway?
I haven't a clue -- I thought the answer was 42.
2. What radical political ideas do you have, if any?
Politicians should be held responsible for what they say and do. Particularly when campaigning for office.
3. Do you believe that you 'fit' the profile of your astrological star sign?
Sadly, it is closer than I like to admit. Weak sidereal gravitational fields and seasonal influences should not have any impact on a growing fetus whatsoever.
4. Will blogging survive 2005 or is it a fad?
It is a fad for approximately 40% {my best guesstimate} of those who undertake it beyond the two or three entry wonders from pubescent teens.
5. Do you Ebay? If so, what and how often? Is it a full-time job, part-time hobby, or just to clear the junk from your house? I buy things on eBay; I've only sold one thing so far, more houseclearing to come.
6. True or False: When I vote, I am all for one party. False
7. Meat or veggie sauce on your spaghetti? Meat
8. Would you ever be on a TV Reality Show? Not until they have a geriatric version of Survivor, Survivor-Nursing Home Wars! I might do it then.
9. What is one thing (or place) that you would like to do (or see) that you have not yet done (or seen?) I'd like to visit China, view the Great Wall, Beijing, the northwestern provinces. I'd also like to visit Australia, New Zealand and Patagonia before I die.
10. Do you answer memes honestly? I try to. Don't you?

Signs of Senility

Did you ever start out to write an entry and get lost somewhere along the way?
I did today. I lost focus, couldn't make the materiel work regardless of how I massaged it.
I gave up.
The only line worth a bucket of spit was:

Thump, thump and it's all over ... Dead bicyclist.

The basis for the entry was this Portland Press Herald story.

See you later. The Mrs. and I are off to an outdoor art show on Saturday. I'll try for some pics for y'all.

wil