The Oatmeal Is At IT Again

The same folks who gave the Internet such classics as "How To Keep Mosquitoes Away From Your Buttcrack" and "The 5 Phases of Caffeine Intake" now bring you this:

MEME: Saturday Six - Episode 185

Patrick loves to stir “stuff.” For example: “Here’s a new set of questions based on the ever-popular argument: Mac vs. PC! And I’ll repeat a statement from last week’s set of questions: there are no right or wrong answers…just your own opinions.”

First to play last week: Jude of “My Way.” Congratulations!

Here are this week’s “Saturday Six” questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal…but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! To be counted as “first to play,” you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. Enjoy!

1. What was the brand and model (if you remember) of the first computer you remember using? NorthStar Horizon – it was a loaner from my younger brother. He'd built it by hand (literally – thousands of components that needed to be soldered to circuit boards by hand) in 1980 and completed his college thesis with it – the first computer program for calculating ceramic glazes. He sold all rights to it to Corning Glass and it never saw the light of day. The PC world was moving too fast and the standard shifted to IBM PC's shortly thereafter. I'd actually used a computer (IBM mainframe) ten years earlier in college. Lordylordylordy, how I hated punch cards!

2. What year do you remember using a home computer for the first time? 1981

3. Hype aside, which platform do you prefer: Mac or PC? For most people who only need a computer for simple things, for it's ease of use and the quirky nature of its supporters, I prefer a Mac. When I require hardware flexibility, broad (free or inexpensive) software choices the PC + Unix combination is my favorite. What I have and hate is a Micro$oft Windoze PC.

4. Take the quiz: Are you a Mac or PC?

You are a PC

You're practical, thrifty, and able to do almost anything. Appearances and trends aren't important to you. You just like to get the job done.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

5. How fair would you consider the quiz to be based on the responses? I dislike “either/or” quizzes – far too limited a response range. Consequently, it isn't a fair representation of my preferences.

6. If money were no object, what brand of computer would you most likely purchase? A Cray supercomputer.

MEME: Monday Madness -- Lobotomized?

Otto awoke as the gray light of dawn slowly filled the room. She tried to stretch, but the straight-jacket prevented all but the tiniest of movements. Her head felt like they'd been hammering railroad spikes into it for days. Then her vision cleared momentarily and she realized where she was. It was the State Institute for the Computer Insane. With horror, the realization of what that truly meant crept silently through her neurons on stocking feet. Hawking up a loogee, Otto managed to squawk out, "This week's questions are straight off the top of my head again... Here we go! Thank you so much for playing and have a wonderful week ahead." =)

1. Which web browser do you prefer? Firefox
2. Are you a PC user or MAC user? PC user.
3. Will your next computer purchase happen within the next year (do you think)? Not likely.
4. Will you purchase your next computer at a local store or via the internet? Depends. If the next one is a laptop, probably will buy online. A desktop will probably be just a motherboard and other upgraded components.
5. Have you had any experience with Windows Vista? No.
6. What are your feelings about this new operating system (if any)? I used to stay current with Micro$oft's operating systems as I was constantly being asked by others for support. I no longer do computer support. Windows Vista isn't for me. I think that Windows XP is the last Micro$oft product I will buy.

Want to play along? Click the title link (up there at the top ^) for a clean copy of Otto's questions and leave a link to your answers at the Monday Madness web site.

MEME: John M. Scalzi's Monday Photo Shoot

Your Monday Photo Shoot : Take a picture of some machine and/or piece of technology that you have a love/hate relationship with.

Well John, you aren't the only one with lap- problems. This particular beastie has defied the best hacking efforts of deM0nz HazKer$, BOFH's and SysAdmins with 5 and 20 years experience. All have been bested. Used the most sophisticated tools available at their disposal. Nothing got them past this p/w screen, despite tools and techniques that defeated the password on my home desktop running the same OS.

It was my brother's laptop. Yes, he of the University of Maine Webmaster fame. Right, the one that died suddenly last July. You got it, the one who never wrote down his passwords for anything, anywhere. Support desk guru, former Apple & Mac technician, Amiga production specialist, built his first computer from scratch in 1981 when you had to solder components to the board yourself. Turing only knows what he did in the way of securing this puppy. But I can't get into it. So it goes to waste, unusable.

So, while I'd love to be using it, all I can do, every time I fire it up, is hate the fact that it can't be used.

John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #154: Your Car or Your Computer?

Last week for the Weekend Assignment, I asked folks to tell their stories of computer horror -- computers shutting down, computers freezing up, computers behaving badly. This week, however, I think it's worth asking just how much our computers mean to us -- if we had to choose between them and some other essential object, how hard it would be to make the choice? And so, without further ado, for your consideration: Weekend Assignment #154: Your Car or Your Computer: You must pick only one. Which one do you choose? Yes! You must choose between the car -- beloved icon of American greatness and freedom -- and the computer -- the defining machine of the 21st century. If you choose the car, you do not get to touch a computer again, except for basic work-related purposes at work. If you choose the computer, no more personal wheels for you. And for those of you in a two-car family, there's none of this "oh, I'll just ride in my spouse's car" stuff: Any rides you bum have to be outside your immediate family. Similarly, no using the spouse's or kid's computers, and those of you with super-enabled cell phones will henceforth use them only for phone calls. No Web-browsing, e-mail or text messaging. See, now it's gotten harder, hasn't it? Extra Credit: Which was more expensive: Your first car, or your most recent computer?

Dear John,

This is a tough one. I have been without a computer and a car, albeit not simultaneously. Living out here in the sticks, the nearest “store” is pretty close, actually. It's only a mile and a half from the house. Never mind the fact that a quart of milk is two dollars, a cup of coffee almost as much and a loaf of bread about twice what a quart of milk goes for – all at least 200% mark-up over the supermarket in town. Being disabled, it might as well be fifty miles, though – the odds of my expiring while trying to get there are about the same, either way. Furthermore, there's no way I'd be able to get a five gallon can of gas home for the mower, to say nothing of the 15 gallons of kerosene we go through every three days at the height of winter. Good thing I no longer drink – they have beer, but it's probably going for $6 a six pack for Budweiser bilge water. Saint's preserve us -- imagine what a six pack of Guinness might go for, if they even had Guinness for that matter. The cars make it possible to go to work, to doctors and hospital, to eat, to stay warm, to clothe ourselves, and to broaden our horizons through the occasional trip beyond the local environs. They transport my sea kayak and canoe; they take the pets to the veterinarian. They truly are our lifeline to civilization. Even with gasoline creeping into the $3/gallon range again, out here a car is a necessity, not a luxury. There is no daily public transportation which serves the area I live in – I'd have to go four miles to the nearest bus stop for local service (might as well be 400 miles). A cab ride from the airport to the house is almost $30, so taxis are pretty much out as an alternative. Not a pleasant thought.

Then there's the computer. It's my principal source of communications, music and other entertainment, as well as my photo processing lab, my repository for manuscripts, and the ultimate black hole of time and concentration. I know I can survive without a computer ... but would I really want to? I know I can write novels on lined legal pads – but then would have to pay someone else to put them on disk to submit for consideration. There goes the profit margin!

I am homebound as it is whenever my wife is using the car. Do I really want to increase the amount of time I spend at home, alone? People already think I'm a freaking lunatic. Imagine how much more intimidating I would be if I was alone two times, three times or maybe four times as much as I am already? Scary thought, that.

Equally scary is the thought of trying to hitchhike in this day and age. I remember I once got stuck for a day and a half in west Texas trying to hitch a ride. There were days last month here where exposure of skin would result in tissue death inside of five minutes. Standing on the side of the road, thumb out, hoping for a ride for an hour or two would simply yield a wilsicle! Counter-productive.

Given all that, plus many more issues, I'd vote with my feet – the computer would have to go. I know, there are some who say I could move into a town or city, but frankly, I am not psychologically wired to live in a place where swinging a (frozen, dead) cat by the tail would knock out twenty people and bring the humane agents out with automatic weapons. No, I am not a city boy. I've tried it, I lost it. I'm the kind of quiet, unassuming fellow who is so close to the edge, any built-in stressors like massive populations (i.e. over 20 people per square mile) and I'd end up in a watch tower taking out those 20 and as many more as I could manage before turning the weapon on myself. I have no desire to be the lead on the News at Eleven, thank you very much.

Finally, my fine feathered friend, it should come as no surprise that my first car, purchased with my hard-earned money, cost a fifth of what this computer cost. Of course, if adjusted for the difference between then and now, they cost about the same. Both were obsolete the day I bought them and neither got any better with age. Sad to say, the computer has needed almost as many repairs as that first junker. And so it goes...

Kiss Athena and Krissy on the cheek from the dirty old man in Maine. And cut down on the sugar, my friend, else you end up fat and disabled like me.

wil

John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #153: When Computers Attack

John struggled up onto one elbow to mutter darkly, “So, if being gut-heaving sick today wasn't bad enough (Day 3 of Stomach Flu '07: the Hurlination), my PC decides to have driver issues today, which meant I spent a lot of my afternoon dealing that and not doing too much of anything else. As annoying as that was, however, it's not the worst computer implosion I've ever had -- by far. Which brings us this week's Weekend Assignment:”

Weekend Assignment #153: Share a story of true computer horror. Your computer blow up just before a big presentation? You forget to take down a compromising picture before the in-laws come over? Ever thought you were IMing with one person but in fact were IMing someone else? Share! You'll feel better. Really.

Extra Credit: So, ever actually hit your computer in frustration?

Dear John,

Is there a single word more fearsome to a writer than that loathsome beast, “deadline”? Well, I didn't think so for the longest time and then I discovered a new one... “crash” as in, hard drive heads to platters-type crash.

It was a long time ago, fortunately. I don't think the old ticker would be up to that amount of stress anymore. I was working on a comprehensive plan for a community. The funding was running out, the due date loomed and there were still public hearings and presentations and revisions to be done after the community was finished tearing it up, er, revising to their satisfaction. I had to deliver the manuscript to the printer on Monday. It was Friday afternoon when I came into the office to make the final diskettes for use by the printer. Force of habit, after dropping my keys on the desk, I flipped the switch on the back of the genuine IBM AT and wandered off to get a cuppa, knowing full well it would be at least ten minutes before the beast was ready to be used.

I returned in fifteen, having been waylaid in the break room by some cops sucking down doughnuts and telling tales of their exploits with the local high school bimbettes in the “money maker,” er, reduced speed zone by the entrance to said place of higher learning. “Odd,” I thought to myself, “I must have forgotten to flip on the monitor.” But, noooooo. The monitor was on. Odder still, I couldn't hear the characteristic whine of the hard drive.

To make a long, sad, story shorter, after opening up the beast and cutting myself on the sheet metal cover, it was determined that the hard drive, “she no spin”. This was reconfirmed by the IT guys at the aforementioned high school, they being the tech support for the office PC's (as opposed to the Unix system, which they lacked sufficient brain cells to touch).

Oh my gawd! What the flying fig am I to do now? The hard drive, with all of the current revisions and rewrites is toast and suitable for use as a bookend, only. Calls to data recovery firms reveal it is totally out of the question to go that route. Why, overnight shipping alone would be more money than we had set aside for emergency computer repairs for the entire office!

Well, I spent the next 72 hours, stopping only for necessities like coffee, bathroom breaks and ten-minute power naps every so often, reconstructing the document from previous printed drafts at home on my own machine. One day late, I submitted the disk to the printer. By Friday, as planned, I was distributing 500-page copies of the plan to all and sundry officials who deemed they were important enough to require a copy. Another disaster averted...

Enjoy your snow days and sick days home with Krissy and Athena. They're more important than any ten computers to your ultimate well-being.

wil

Extra Credit: More times than I can count (and I have the horribly swollen and misshaped knuckles to prove it), I have indeed hit my computers. Just like obstreperous kids, they need one upside the back of the head, or in the case of the vile machine, the back of the box, just to let them know who's boss!

Miss me?

Hi folks, miss me? Been without internet connectivity for two whole weeks; thousands of blog entries to read, no contact with cyber-space -- I thought I was going to die.

Repairs to software have been carried out and we are slowly getting back to normal. Look for a slow return to posting and commenting on other's blogs as I get caught up, in between trying to stay warm. Seeing your breath while sitting on the sofa, watching the evening news is just so special...