John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #153: When Computers Attack

John struggled up onto one elbow to mutter darkly, “So, if being gut-heaving sick today wasn't bad enough (Day 3 of Stomach Flu '07: the Hurlination), my PC decides to have driver issues today, which meant I spent a lot of my afternoon dealing that and not doing too much of anything else. As annoying as that was, however, it's not the worst computer implosion I've ever had -- by far. Which brings us this week's Weekend Assignment:”

Weekend Assignment #153: Share a story of true computer horror. Your computer blow up just before a big presentation? You forget to take down a compromising picture before the in-laws come over? Ever thought you were IMing with one person but in fact were IMing someone else? Share! You'll feel better. Really.

Extra Credit: So, ever actually hit your computer in frustration?

Dear John,

Is there a single word more fearsome to a writer than that loathsome beast, “deadline”? Well, I didn't think so for the longest time and then I discovered a new one... “crash” as in, hard drive heads to platters-type crash.

It was a long time ago, fortunately. I don't think the old ticker would be up to that amount of stress anymore. I was working on a comprehensive plan for a community. The funding was running out, the due date loomed and there were still public hearings and presentations and revisions to be done after the community was finished tearing it up, er, revising to their satisfaction. I had to deliver the manuscript to the printer on Monday. It was Friday afternoon when I came into the office to make the final diskettes for use by the printer. Force of habit, after dropping my keys on the desk, I flipped the switch on the back of the genuine IBM AT and wandered off to get a cuppa, knowing full well it would be at least ten minutes before the beast was ready to be used.

I returned in fifteen, having been waylaid in the break room by some cops sucking down doughnuts and telling tales of their exploits with the local high school bimbettes in the “money maker,” er, reduced speed zone by the entrance to said place of higher learning. “Odd,” I thought to myself, “I must have forgotten to flip on the monitor.” But, noooooo. The monitor was on. Odder still, I couldn't hear the characteristic whine of the hard drive.

To make a long, sad, story shorter, after opening up the beast and cutting myself on the sheet metal cover, it was determined that the hard drive, “she no spin”. This was reconfirmed by the IT guys at the aforementioned high school, they being the tech support for the office PC's (as opposed to the Unix system, which they lacked sufficient brain cells to touch).

Oh my gawd! What the flying fig am I to do now? The hard drive, with all of the current revisions and rewrites is toast and suitable for use as a bookend, only. Calls to data recovery firms reveal it is totally out of the question to go that route. Why, overnight shipping alone would be more money than we had set aside for emergency computer repairs for the entire office!

Well, I spent the next 72 hours, stopping only for necessities like coffee, bathroom breaks and ten-minute power naps every so often, reconstructing the document from previous printed drafts at home on my own machine. One day late, I submitted the disk to the printer. By Friday, as planned, I was distributing 500-page copies of the plan to all and sundry officials who deemed they were important enough to require a copy. Another disaster averted...

Enjoy your snow days and sick days home with Krissy and Athena. They're more important than any ten computers to your ultimate well-being.

wil

Extra Credit: More times than I can count (and I have the horribly swollen and misshaped knuckles to prove it), I have indeed hit my computers. Just like obstreperous kids, they need one upside the back of the head, or in the case of the vile machine, the back of the box, just to let them know who's boss!