John's thoughts for the topic this week: “I beta-tested this topic elsewhere online, and people seemed to enjoy its total and complete silliness. So now I proudly bring it to you, here, for the Weekend Assignment:”
“Weekend Assignment #148: Cats. Cheese. There's only enough room on the planet for one of them -- and you have to decide which stays and which goes. Which do you choose and why? Now, you ask, why cats and cheese? Well, why not? People like cats; people like cheese. They're generally considered to be unrelated. Having to choose one over the other sort of gives you insight into your soul, about what's really important to you. Or, alternately, it's just fun to consider. Really, let's not pretend we're doing anything too deep here.”
“For clarity's sake, when we say "cats" we mean domestic cats; lions and tiger and cheetahs and such will still be about, so you don't have to worry about taking out a whole bunch of endangered species. When we say "cheese" we mean all cheese, even the stuff that comes out of aerosol cans and/or is spelled "cheez." It all goes.”
“Extra Credit: what's your favorite breed of cat and/or type of cheese?”
“So as not to tip the scales one way or another in this momentous and planet-changing debate, I will withhold my preference vis-a-vis cats and cheese until Monday. That will leave you all time to write up your own answers on your own blogs and journals, and come back here to leave a link. I know it's a difficult question and you will be forced to make hard choices. But I know that you have the personal depth of character to make a choice between cats and cheese. There can be only one! Tell us all your choice.”
Stilton cheese
photo by: Dibruno.com
“Historically referred to as "The King of Cheeses" Stilton is a blue-mould cheese
with a rich and mellow flavor and a piquant aftertaste. It has narrow,
blue-green veins and a wrinkled rind which is not edible.
Stilton is milder than Roquefort or Gorgonzola,
and is equally excellent for crumbling over salads
or as a dessert cheese, served with a Port Wine.
There are two types of Stilton: Blue and White Stilton.”
Now John, this is verging on TJPS – The Just Plain Silly. Of course, anyone with half a brain knows the world would be a far better place (even if overrun with rats and mice) if the Pied Piper had piped a pack of furry felines into the bay... But a world without cheese? Horrible to contemplate! What would all those Wisconsin fans do if we couldn't call them cheese heads? How would all those farmers in Cabot, Vermont make a living? What WOULD you put on a grilled cheese sandwich, if not cheese?
I suppose all the cat lovers will take umbrage and heap their foul epithets upon me. They forget that I am surrounded by cats – two indoors, about a dozen outdoors – so I know whereof I speak. The world would quite simply be a far better place if there were no cats underfoot, demanding food and attention, trying to crawl into my lap for warmth or when I'm eating, attempting to see if they can tie my boot laces together before I start down the porch steps... And the caterwauling that will punctuate my feeble attempts at sleep in the coming weeks as the outside clan gets their cat on will be severe enough to give most cat lovers the heebeejeebees.
No wheel of cheese has ever snuck up on me and attempted to rip my ear off as I came up the stairs. No Camembert attempts to intertwine my feet until I fall over from sheer confusion. No Cheddar chuckles at the sight of my great arse as I bend over to clean out the *(&^^%! cat box (oh wait, that's my wife – never mind). No Havarti leaves me little presents all over the house when unhappy with the quality of the day's kibble. No, cheese is my friend, even as it clogs my arteries and gravitates to my rotund abdomen; cheese isn't hissing and scratching as it causes mounds of mucous to collect in the back of one's throat. It isn't cats that I cube on a platter before the big game. No buffet I've ever put on included a tray of sliced cats for sandwiches (although, I do have a delightful recipe for Kitten Fricassee...).
It is simply too horrible to contemplate a world without cheese. I think I'll go sulk and chew on some string kitten for a while...
wil
Extreme Credit: I'm partial to Maine Coon Cats and a good, aged Stilton.
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