Patrick Made Me Do It!

The penultimate promo producer himself is responsible for the following bit of drivel. At least the last part is right...




Which Website are You?

Thanks to the Bacon and Eh's:

I present for your edification The Field Guide to North American Males ... or was that for grins and giggles? I forget. I want my cocoa now, please.

 

Do check out the Bacon and Eh's - two of the funniest Canadian Bloggers you are likely to meet.

Undone By Chocolate Memes

"I've been done by the dangling dong of destiny."

No surprise here. I did two memes cited in Shelly's CyberChocolate, only to discover I am secretly H. Rap Brown with a shite brindle brown crayon!



You are a Radical. Right on!


What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Weekend Assignment #12: Great Events

 

Weekend Assignment #12: Great Events: Thanks to time travel and invisibility, you can be on the spot for any important event of the last 100 years (1905 onward). Which important historical event do you choose? As a twist, if you actually were at an important historical event, you can't pick that one. Why? Because you were there already. What, you want to be there twice? Think of the paradox!

Extra Credit: Think of a piece of now-dated slang that should be brought back into circulation. Make it reasonably clean slang, please.

 

Dear John,

Tsk, tsk. Forgot to call for fuel. Signs of dementia this early in your life. Are you sure it isn't Crutzfeld-Jacobs Disease? I do know how you liked your steak in a past life (heheheh). So sorry to hear you are freezing your toes off this morning with the empty propane tank and all. I know the feeling. If I misjudge or simply fall asleep without topping off the stoves I awaken to a 40 degree or lower temperature here at La Casa Loca - hard to keep it warm inside when it's near 0°F outside and the joint was built over 150 years ago...

Enough - we'll soon be complaining it's too hot. I just noticed the lawn mower needs repairs. Made a mental note to try to get them done before the end of April for a change, too. Who knows, maybe they'll invent a mask that allows me to mow the lawn without ending up on a respirator in hospital for a week.

I think there are lots of events in history that will attract folk. Sadly, they'll also attract the Temporal Police. I have a profound respect for the capabilities of those dudes and haven't any desire to be hanging around anywhere they are likely to show. So I'm going to opt for something more personal. I have a large portrait of my mother as a young woman, painted by my grandmother. I'd like to be a fly on the wall, so to speak, and listen in to their conversation as mother painted posing daughter. Partially, I am fascinated as both women died before I became an adult, able to differ between the important answers and the mundane. Partially, I'd like to listen in on the expressed thoughts of a young woman, growing up in the middle of the Great Depression. And I suspect there is an element in me wishing to experience a simpler time for myself, before World War Two had destroyed the innocence of this society.

Besides. Highly unlikely the old Time Patrol will be too worried about an old phart watching an artist paint a portrait on the shores of Lake Superior in 1936. Just the time to unleash my wrath upon the world...

Give our best to Krissy and Athena. You are a lucky man -- your women grow more beautiful each day.

Grins and giggles, bacon and eggs,

wil

Extra Credit: 23 Skidoo and Tyler, too! (Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I DO know I mangled this. "23 Skidoo" and "Tippacanoe and Tyler, too" are supposed to be separate phrases. That's why my proposed slang is worth bringing back. It makes sense to me and that is all that matters in my universe.

Each week, ze überblogger John Scalzi challenges all and sundry with his meme Weekend Assignment. You can obtain untainted copies of each week's assignment and leave a link to your reply to John's query in the comments at By The Way.

 

Meme: Five Critter Questions

 

Critter Questions

In Weblogs, Weirdness

Hank Fox has a zoological meme to share: answer the Five Critter Questions. What animal cartoon character would you most like to be real? If every species had a "were" form (like werewolves), what type of critter would you least mind being bitten by? If your dog or cat (living or long-gone) were to suddenly gain human intelligence, what would you most like to say to him or her? Give the animal's name and breed. If it were scientifically proven that animals had feelings and a sense of self just like humans, what animal-derived food would you STILL be reluctant to give up? If you died while camping alone in the wilderness, would you rather your body be recovered and buried in a cemetery, or remain undiscovered and be eaten by wild animals?

1. Balto, of "All Dogs Go To Heaven" fame - he had a good heart.

2. More a case of 'least minding being this were creature' I'd like to be a WereOwl. A Great Horned Owl, with a reall kewl punk rock Mowhawk and tufts over my ears -- that's the ticket.

3. If my first German Shepherd Dog, Raj Kashim Lobo, Kashi for short, were to suddenly gain vocal and communications abilities equal to a human, I'd have two thoughts to convey. The first would be my sorrow for not having sufficient strength to put him down sooner, before his hip dysplasia had become totally disabling. Secondly, I'd express my profound sorrow that he'd been reduced to the communication skills of a mere human.

4. Meat, in all it's forms. I am a predator. It is my function to eat weaker, slower, stupider animals, regardless of whether they are self-aware or may experience pain, loss, etc. Just because you learn your prey has more empathic abilities than first thought doesn't mean you stop preying on them, now does it? Surely the shark couldn't give a rat's ass whether I feel pain or not. Why should I?

5. I think I'd prefer to be consumed by the fauna and flora first, then have my remains found by accident, leading to a real-life episode of CSI - my widow could use the residuals...

Be sure to leave a link to your answers in the comments and over at Pharyngula, too. I really enjoyed thinking about this one :)

Meme: Five Critter Questions

Critter Questions

In Weblogs, Weirdness

Hank Fox has a zoological meme to share: answer the Five Critter Questions.

1. What animal cartoon character would you most like to be real?
2. If every species had a "were" form (like werewolves), what type of critter would you least mind being bitten by?
3. If your dog or cat (living or long-gone) were to suddenly gain human intelligence, what would you most like to say to him or her? Give the animal's name and breed.
4. If it were scientifically proven that animals had feelings and a sense of self just like humans, what animal-derived food would you STILL be reluctant to give up?
5. If you died while camping alone in the wilderness, would you rather your body be recovered and buried in a cemetery, or remain undiscovered and be eaten by wild animals?

1. Balto, of "All Dogs Go To Heaven" fame - he had a good heart.

2. More a case of 'least minding being this Were creature' I'd like to be a WereOwl. A Great Horned Owl, with a really kewl punk rock Mohawk and tufts over my ears -- that's the ticket.

3. If my first German Shepherd Dog, Raj Kashim Lobo, Kashi for short, were to suddenly gain vocal and communications abilities equal to a human, I'd have two thoughts to convey. The first would be my sorrow for not having sufficient strength to put him down sooner, before his hip dysplasia had become totally disabling. Secondly, I'd express my profound sorrow that he'd been reduced to the communication skills of a mere human.

4. Meat, in all it's forms. I am a predator. It is my function to eat weaker, slower, stupider animals, regardless of whether they are self-aware or may experience pain, loss, etc. Just because you learn your prey has more empathic abilities than first thought doesn't mean you stop preying on them, now does it? Surely the shark couldn't give a rat's ass whether I feel pain or not. Why should I?

5. I think I'd prefer to be consumed by the fauna and flora first, then have my remains found by accident, leading to a real-life episode of CSI - my widow could use the residuals...

Be sure to leave a link to your answers in the comments and over at Pharyngula, too. I really enjoyed thinking about this one :)

Meme: Ten Things I've Done You Probably Haven't.

1. Chased a bear out of the back of my car and across a parking lot in Tuolumne Meadows

 

2. Been pinned to a winch by a tree I was skidding and lived to tell about it.

 

3. Intenionally swam a mile ... just because.

 

4. Rolled a Volkswagen at speed off the New York Thruway onto the Northway and walked away, unscathed ... just in need of new undies.

 

5. Had a four-cup Pyrex® Measuring Cup thrown at my head (don't ask).

 

6. Killed, butchered, cut and wrapped two lambs and a two hogs in one day.

 

7. Stepped off the same corner in Guadalajara, Mexico, six months apart and been hit by a taxi (no, not the same taxi).

 

8. Never ridden a horse (yet) that hasn't thrown me.

 

9. Actually likes to hang upside down in a boat underwater and watch the fishies.

 

10. Delivered a baby in the front seat of a car in subfreezing weather.

 

 

There's others, but for now, I'll borrow the Farmer's line from "Babe": "That'll do, Pig. That will do."

 

See John Scalzi's entry Your Wednesday Meme: 10 Things I've Done You Probably Haven't for the impetus for this entry.  Although, it's been coming on for a while -- floating around on Live Journal and Blogger for a few weeks. Who knows, maybe I'll tackle one of those "100 things about me" lists...

Hail To The Chief

This is just too good to pass up ...

--- In archaeo-politics@yahoogroups.com, "Gomolak Andrew R Civ 49 CES/CEV" <andrew.gomolak@h...> wrote:

President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas,
how he had signed YES,  1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval.

Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his red brothers.

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group,  how they came to select the new name given to the President.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

 

Stupid Meme Tricks

 From an entry entitled " We are all lemmings, we bloggers" on Pharyngula to which I'd been directed by Paul of Aurora Walking Vacation fame:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

As you command.

"7. Little Hope Island

Barely a rock above high tide, it lies about 4 km (2 mi.) offshore." 

-- From Sea Kayaking In Nova Scotia, 2nd. edition by Scott Cunningham, Nimbus Publishing, Ltd., Halifax, N.S., Canada, 2000.

Not exciting in the least, was it?

 

Meme: What Obsolete Skill Are You?

Minding my business, reading Shelley's blog, Cyber Chocolate, when this meme grabs me by the gonads and insists on my participation. I'm a little embarrassed about it, now that I think of it. See what it does for you...

You are 'Latin'. Even among obsolete skills, the
tongue of the ancient Romans is a real
anachronism. With its profusion of different
cases and conjugations, Latin is more than a
language; it is a whole different way of
thinking about things.

You are very classy, meaning that you value the
classics. You value old things, good things
which have stood the test of time. You value
things which have been proven worthy and
valuable, even if no one else these days sees
them that way. Your life is touched by a
certain 'pietas', or piety; perhaps you are
even a Stoic. Nonetheless, you have a certain
fascination with the grotesque and the profane.
Also, the modern world rejects you like a bad
transplant. Your problem is that Latin has
been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday Madness - What's In A Name?

Shamelessly, Otto challenges us as follows:

This week, using the letters in your name (real or screen name), list places that you've been to. Be creative! Have fun! =)

Here goes nothing!

O > Ohio
L > Louisiana
D > Denver, Colorado
D > Detroit, Michigan
O > Ogunquit, Maine
G > Garden City, NY

Where have you been?

For your own Monday Madness questions, just click on the graphic.

Sunday Brunch, February 20

Sad Songs Say So Much
"Turn them on, turn them on, turn on those sad songs. When all hope is gone, why don't you tune in and turn them on?" -Elton John



1) Do you have a song with your significant other and what is it?
I don't think so, but SWMBO is asleep and I'll have to ask her if she has one that invokes thoughts of yours truly. Ask me again.
2) Name three songs that were special to you with former significant others. Do you still think of that person when you hear it?
Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! My wife is a lovely woman but she is subject to the "green-eyed monster." This is not a topic to be undertaken lightly. In the interest of maintaining the close relationship I have between my head and my body, I'm going to have to give this one a pass, too.
3) What is your favorite song of the moment?
Still my favorite: "Spring of '65" by the Holy Modal Rounders.
4) Do you associate songs with time periods? Give an example.
Sure, don't you? My salad and acid days are evoked by Grace Slick "White Rabbit," or Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart." The Doors' "People Are Strange" reminds me of the early seventies. The Jethro Tull Album "Heavy Horses" reminds me of the early eighties, as does Bobby McFarrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
5) If you were to give your job a theme song, what song would it be and why?
My former job was in local government. Government work, in all its guises, is evoked whenever I hear "Chain of Fools." It's self-explanatory.

Get your own list of questions at The Sunday Brunch. While you are at it, leave a link in the comments to your answers. Have fun with them, just like I do, sometimes. Life is too short not to. Oops, dangling participle. I love it!

Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 107

Patricia, that loco LunaNiña has done it again ... more words to mutter about. Get your own at her site, sign up for the email alerts, leave a link to your responses in the comments, have a ball.

Week 107

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Dirty work:: wet work
2. Shopkeeper:: merchant
3. Goodness:: evil
4. Yearning:: churning
5. Show and tell:: kindergarten
6. Trapped:: maze
7. Malcolm:: MacDowell
8. Season:: Winter
9. Bestseller:: books
10. Desk:: work

Saturday Six -- Episode 46

1. Other than Earth, what planet intrigues you the most and why?

I find Mars, and the possibility of lost civilizations on Mars eons ago, to be the most fascinating of the planets, other than Earth, in our solar system.

2. What is the last business issue you wrote a letter or called to complain about? What's the last thing you complemented a business on?

I wrote about some health insurance billing issues not too long ago. Haven't had occasion to praise any businesses in a long while.

3. When was the last time you had your picture taken? Did you like the way the picture turned out?

Last summer at a wedding. No, I wasn't impressed.

4. What was the last program you watched a rerun of on television?

CSI, last night, on SPIKE TV.

5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #47 from Carly:
The land has been referred to, by more than one person, as a community
or a neighborhood. What would you call the metaphorical name of the
street you reside on here in the land and who are your closest neighbors?

Shady Lane is the name, keeping peace between ScreamingRemo and Madame Glinka's the game. Across the street, you'll find Pam from "Just One Girl's Headroom" and Shauny of "What's New, Pussycat?" amongst others.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #48 from Braxton:
If you had to write an essay that pertained to 'human life', what opinion or topic about mankind would you choose to write about? (exp. relationships, struggles, accomplishments, etc) And briefly explain why
you chose said topic...

My topic for today is "People Are Stupid ... And I'm The Leader Of The Band" -- self-explanatory, really.


Get your own copy of the questions straight from the horse's mouthpiece. Patrick of Patrick's Place serves up a mean saddle burger and meadow muffin pie. Be sure to leave a link to your answers in his comments section.

Weekend Assignment #48 -- The Bird

 

Each week, AOL's Blogfather and gatherer of dust bunnies, John Scalzi, lets rip with another one from the safety of his traing wheel blog, By The Way. You can pick up your question there and be sure to leave a link to your answer in the comments section, while you are at it.

"Weekend Assignment #48: Recount an amusing tale of a pet attacking someone or something. By "amusing," I mean that a) no one was seriously injured, least of all the pet (pet humiliation is okay), b) you laughed about it at the time, or sometime shortly thereafter. You know: Funny! Okay, then.

Extra Credit: Ever seen your cat/dog walk right into a sliding glass door? Do tell."

Dear John,

Damn, man, stop sending us your left overs, would ya? It's freezing here. It rained the other day. And snowed, And thundered and lightninged (¿word?). The high this past week was nearly 50º one afternoon... I sat in the car waiting for my wife, reading a book (Laurell K. Hamilton's Incubus Dreams, if you must know) with the window down for over an hour! We had two foot of  snow last weekend. You gotta stop this nonsense and send this crap due East to Pennsylvania and New York ... we just don't need it up here.

I've wracked my brain cells, the few not occupied with the 2005 Sports Illustrated's "Swimsuit Edition," that is, and for the life of me I can't come up with any tales about a pet attacking anything in an amusing or humiliating way.  Lucifer, the inside cat, learned to box with me at an early age when I would head to bed and he was just coming up on "Cat Crazy Time." He'd stick a paw out between the bannister on the landing and I'd pop it with my finger. Silly game, fun at the time, it has morphed into hiding in the dark and attacking feet and ankles as they go by. I think it is cute. SWMBO finds it annoying to the nth degree as he mostly attacks her when she is wearing a nightgown. So nothing amusing on the pet front.  Perhaps it is because most attacks in the country involve blood and death. I had a German Shepherd Dog once that would spend hours stalking wood chucks. He seemed to consider them as much of a nuisance as I did and he took great pride in killing two or three a month. He'd also run deer if allowed to, so he only got to go out during non-winter months unescorted. We once had a cat that prided himself on being the "great white rabbit hunter" ... I'd see him coming from the woods, dragging a carcass nearly as big as he was, howling to beat the band, as if to say, "Look at me!" Invariably the wife took a dim view and the kids thought finding dead bunnies on the doorstep to be "gross, Dad, make him stop!" As if I had any control over the matter.

Nothing funny about dead bunnies. But Mother Nature has dealt me a blow the past couple of weeks which you will find amusing. I have a rabid sparrow stalking me in my office. You read me right the first time. A sparrow stalking me. Actually, I think he's stalking himself, but we won't tell him that. It'd ruin all his fun.

I have three windows in the office. Two look to the North on the side towards the neighbor. The other looks to the East and the highway. My office is off the living room ( a parlor, actually, but we don't have use for one of those anymore, what with modern embalming practices and all). The living room also has a window looking East with an air conditioner in it, as well as two windows looking over the dooryard, which is the demesnes of the feral cat population. The window in my office nearest me has the limb of a gum tree just beyond it; sometimes the branches scrape the wall of the house in a bad blow. In that tree, for the past couple of weeks, a sparrow has taken up residence. Rather, he has taken his place on the jousting pitch. And he pitches a fit, too. Pretty much all day long, he sits on the branch and attacks his reflection in the glass. If he notices me shooing him away, or if the inside cat, Lucifer, perches his butt on the fax machine and  props his paws on the window, the sparrow will go to one of the other windows mentioned above and continue his attacks. But they haven't got branches to launch onself from, so he returns to the window just beyond my head frequently. Too frequently, if you ask me.

I haven't been able to compose a single line of prose during the daylight hours since his arrival. He has hit the window so much and so hard that his beak is a glowing red, as are his eyes.  The aforementioned cat finds him endlessly fascinating and I have a running battle to keep the cat off the office equipment nearest the windows (no doors on the room in order to coax some heat in from the stove in the living room). In his fervor to jump at the bird, the cat has turned off the answering machine twice,  faxed his tail to the dairy once and printed about fifty blank pages, which represents just how little I have managed to write over the past couple of weeks.

I know that the bloody bird is protected by Federal laws, else I'd have shot the nuisance by now. The outside cats won't mess with him - they consider him on par with the Wandering Jew, I suspect. I can just hear the alpha male -- Pumpkin -- reply to my query now.

" Muy loco, man, we won't mess with that mojo. That bird is crazy, yo!"

So Lucifer is destroying the office, I am losing valuable nap time to the constant tap, tap, tap at the window, nothing has been written and that is definitely bad. I need my beauty sleep.  My wife considers my lack of progress solving the matter to be suspect and I am starting to lose my grip on sanity. Wait, there's more... they're forecasting snow for Monday. Oh joy...

Give our best to Krissy and Athena. Keep plugging away and we'll do the same. See you next week ... same bat-channel, same bat-time.

Cheers!

wil

Weekend Assignment #47 -- The Teenage Crush!

AOL Journals' Blogfather, John Scalzi, offers up a little meme each week to help keep the creative juices flowing. Here for your entertainment is this week's installment:

Weekend Assignment #47: Reveal Your Teenage Celebrity Crush! Oh, come on. We all had one. Share yours, and tell us why that particularly celebrity tripped your teenage trigger.

Extra Credit: Tell us: Do you still have a little teeny bit of a crush on that celebrity? Yes? No? Maybe so?

Dear John,

I finished Old Man's War this week and look forward to the sequel. You did a nice job with it and I am pleased to have read it.

During most of my teen years I went to an all-male school, lived in an all-male family and rarely saw television or movies. This obviously affected how I viewed women - I tended to put them on a pedestal (still do) and worshipped from afar. I think my biggest "crushes" -- if they can truly be called that -- focused on Nancy Sinatra, Peggy Lipton and Michele Phillips. Oddly enough, most of the women that I dated in high school and college were of the willowy blonde appearance, too. My first wife fit that description when I first met her. In fact, that "look" does it for me today, too.

I suppose I am genetically programed to seek out women who look that way, due to the fact that my mother was the proverbial blonde-haired "five foot two, eyes of blue" having something to do with it. But truth be told, I wouldn't consider my lust for leggy, blonde, A-cup warblers to be "crushes" as I understand and have experienced the term. I've had crushes over real people, simply inaccessible. But they weren't celebrities. And there's no way on this little green and blue ball of mud that I would reveal who they might have been, if only to protect the innocent.

Anyway, I have upwards of 18" of snow to shovel in the morning if I'm going to get my wife to work tomorrow, so I'm going to knock off now and make some supper and turn in early. Four AM comes all too quickly. As always, give our best to your better halves. Don't forget the impending Valentine's Day, if you want Krissy and Athena to continue talking to you.

Grins and giggles,

wil

P.S. Saw Terry Garr on "What's My Line" this morning on WE (don't ask) and am reminded what a super-hot babe I found her to be in the sixties and early seventies. I guess I did have a few Celebrity Crushes, after all. And for the record, I'd gladly spend time playing 'find the love monkey' with Terry if Stockard Channing was busy.

P.P.S. She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO) awoke with a migraine and called in sick Friday morning, postponing the inevitable clash with the white stuff. At midnight Friday night, we had 24" and it was just ending ... but the winds are building and the drifting will start in earnest any time now.  Willow the Wunderhund refuses to go out as her feet can't touch the ground so she can't even hop around trying to make a suitable hole in the snow to squat in. I don't look forward to shoveling tomorrow.

Saturday Six - Episode 44

Saturday Six - Episode 44

Playing is simple: you can either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal over at Patrick's Place so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment there. (And if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!


1. What one song or melody can make you smile even when you're having a rotten day?"Spring of '65" -- Holy Modal Rounders. Also, Tuli Kupferberg's "I Like Boobs A Lot" by the Fugs.
2. What are your plans for the day? How much of it do you think you'll actually accomplish? Sunday's plans include some shopping for Valentine's Day so I am allowed to remain in my home on Monday. Maybe go to the Mall or Walmart's, as I need a new watch battery and it requires one of those special wrenches to screw the back off of the watch. If the weather is nice, I think the "Free Freddy" ceremony will happen, assuming he didn't freeze to death sitting in the mailbox for 3 hours on Saturday before he was retrieved. There's a 50% probability of anything happening, but I predict dire consequences if I fail to do V-Day shopping. SWMBO hasn't got a sense of humor when it comes to her favorite day of the year.

3. What television show do you most enjoy watching when you're all alone and can devote your complete attention to it? West Wing, CSI, Cold Case Files.

4. What was the last thing you remember arguing with someone about? I'm pretty sure it was with my wife, it was something trivial, like what to have for supper.

5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #45 from Bud: Inspired by this article on cell phone technology, he asks, "What is your most aggravating public experience with a cellphone user?" Many years ago, whilst I was sitting in a nice restaurant listening to a chamber music quartet (harp, piano, violin and cello) playing something by Mozart when the less than dulcet ringtones of "Bill Baily" shattered the mood, to be answered by a 60-ish brassy blonde who sells real estate and had all of the personal couth and vocal volume control of Foghorn Leghorn. When I asked the Maitre d' to intervene, I was looked at as if I was nuts. So I did my best "Wild Man of Borneo" imitation, went to her table, and whispered into her ear that if she didn't turn the phone off immediately, I would disembowel her with a butter knife. My date was "mortified" and that was the last I saw of her. Sadly, I've had to deal with Ms. Ima Important Realtor many times since. All I have to do is wave a butter knife and she turns off her phone ... and they say Pavlov had to use bells!

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #46 from Stacy: Did you watch the Super Bowl and if you did, do you like the commercials, the half-time show OR the ceremony following the game the best? I watched the last part of the fourth quarter, starting about two and a half minutes out. No half-time, no award ceremony -- just the critical last two minutes. It was way more than enough for me. Hats off to the Eagles for a late rally and to the Patriots for pulling off the win despite that rally.

Weekend Assignment #47 -- The Teenage Crush!

AOL Journals' Blogfather, John Scalzi, offers up a little meme each week to help keep the creative juices flowing. Here for your entertainment is this week's installment:

Weekend Assignment #47: Reveal Your Teenage Celebrity Crush! Oh, come on. We all had one. Share yours, and tell us why that particularly celebrity tripped your teenage trigger.

Extra Credit: Tell us: Do you still have a little teeny bit of a crush on that celebrity? Yes? No? Maybe so?

Dear John,

I finished "Old Man's War" this week and look forward to the sequel. You did a nice job with it and I am pleased to have read it.

During most of my teen years I went to an all-male school, lived in an all-male family and rarely saw television or movies. This obviously affected how I viewed women - I tended to put them on a pedestal (still do) and worshipped from afar. I think my biggest "crushes" -- if they can truly be called that -- focused on Nancy Sinatra, Peggy Lipton and Michele Phillips. Oddly enough, most of the women that I dated in high school and college were of the willowy blonde appearance, too. My first wife fit that description when I first met her. In fact, that "look" does it for me today, too.

I suppose I am genetically programed to seek out women who look that way, due to the fact that my mother was the proverbial blonde-haired "five foot two, eyes of blue" having something to do with it. But truth be told, I wouldn't consider my lust for leggy, blonde, A-cup warblers to be "crushes" as I understand and have experienced the term. I've had crushes over real people, simply inaccessible. But they weren't celebrities. And there's no way on this little green and blue ball of mud that I would reveal who they might have been, if only to protect the innocent.

Anyway, I have upwards of 18" of snow to shovel in the morning if I'm going to get my wife to work tomorrow, so I'm going to knock off now and make some supper and turn in early. Four AM comes all too quickly. As always, give our best to your better halves. Don't forget the impending Valentine's Day, if you want Krissy and Athena to continue talking to you.

Grins and giggles,

wil

P.S. Saw Terry Garr on "What's My Line" this morning on WE (don't ask) and am reminded what a super-hot babe I found her to be in the sixties and early seventies. I guess I did have a few Celebrity Crushes, after all. And for the record, I'd gladly spend time playing 'find the love monkey' with Terry if Stockard Channing was busy.

P.P.S. She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO) awoke with a migraine and called in sick Friday morning, postponing the inevitable clash with the white stuff. At midnight Friday night, we had 24" and it was just ending ... but the winds are building and the drifting will start in earnest any time now. Willow the Wunderhund refuses to go out as her feet can't touch the ground so she can't even hop around trying to make a suitable hole in the snow to squat in. I don't look forward to shoveling tomorrow.

Monday Madness -- Kitchen Culch

Otto asks and we answer. And so it goes ... another week begins with questions needing answers.

1. How many clocks (not watches) are in your home? How many of them are digital? How many do you really look at during the day? Counting the ones that don't work, there are about 20 I can think of offhand. About half are digital. The non-digital are the ones most likely to be nonfunctional; then again, they're the least likely to be thrown out.

2. How many lamps (non-overhead lights) do you have in your home? What's your average wattage? Are any of them energy saver bulbs? There's only three overhead lights in this house (What do you want? It was built before the Civil War - electricity is an after thought.) There's probably 15 or so lamps. Most are 60 watts, a few have neon bulbs for energy savings, Most often, older lamps will not physically accommodate the large bulb format employed by the energy savings lamps.

3. How many house plants do you have in your home? How many need more attention than you give them? One- a Spider plant with striped leaves. It will die from the neglect of the black thumb, SWMBO, my wife.

4. How many photos/pictures/drawings/child's art are on your walls? How many from each of the four categories? None at the moment, but usually they cover the walls and all available horizontal surface. We're "redoing" and ran into a snag, which allows me to procrastinate, which means all of the grandkids photos languish in a laundry basket in a stack of stuff to go back into the Living Room.

5. About how many electric gadgets are in your kitchen? How many are used on a daily basis? How many are used occasionally? How many have been used once and stashed? How many have never been used? There's a bunch, for sure. The coffee pot and the microwave/convection oven/toaster are both in use daily. Others, like the bread machine, blender and food chopper are used less frequently. Somewhere in the middle, the electric fry pan and electric stew pot get used at least once a week. I don't think we have any that haven't been ever used. There are a few that need to be heaved but have escaped that ignominious end, so far.

Unconcious Mutterings ~ Week 105

Week 105

2 days, 2 hours, 18 minutes ago, Patricia posted these on her site, La Luna Nina. Be sure to stop by, pick up some unmolested words for yourself, and don't forget to leave a link in her comments pointing to your answers so we can see how odd your mind is, too.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Shelter::Institute
2. Karate Kid::Hilary Swank
3. Andrew::Prince
4. Rib::Adam's
5. Push it::IV
6. Creep::crawl
7. Chainlink::kennel
8. Squash::handball
9. No mercy::Show
10. Superhero::Superman

On Being A Cowboy

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Saturday Six - Episode 43

Saturday Six - Episode 43

Patrick unloads the detritus from his mind weekly, along about now. He's been in some pretty strange moods lately, judging from the questions. Time to get yourself a woman, Patrick, my boy... See for yourself over at his blog and be sure to leave a link to your own answers to the SatSix questions in the comments while you're there.

1. What is your favorite restaurant to visit for breakfast and what do you order?
It's called Governor's Restaurant and I usually opt for a Monte Carlo - two pieces of French Toast made with homemade bread, cheddar cheese, a slab of Canadian Bacon and genuine maple syrup. My cardiologist would have her own heart attack just watching me!
2. Do you have any unique ability like those who appear on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks?" If so, how did you learn you had this talent?

Not I. Talentless I am, I yam, Sam.

3. There are plenty of sites on the Internet for pen pals; some of them are specifically designed for communicating with people in prison. Have you ever or would you begin corresponding with a stranger who was in prison?
The thought has never occurred to me. Besides, I'm busy enough writing to all my relatives in prison anyway...
4. Name two questions you have always wanted to ask a pair of identical twins.
Frankly, the matter of identical twins hasn't occupied too much time in the cavernous hallways of my mind. I suppose, given the opportunity of interrogating identical twins, I'd want to know how much they made when they did their Doublemint™ gig, and I'd probably ask some off the wall question regarding shared orgasm...
5. If you looked back at your high school yearbook photos, what is more embarrassing? Your hair, your clothes, your glasses, or your complexion?
My glasses ... hair is a distant second, but still an issue.
6. If you had to change the color of one of the following, which would you change and why: the walls in your living room, your car, or your eyes.

The color of my living room walls - they're a soothing green, but I'd prefer a sharp, cool yellow.

Sunday Brunch -- Rubber Ducky Time!

"There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You
will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or
even your bathtub." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Erica said in her note this week: "I am posting the Brunch really early this week because I am leaving today for North Carolina and won't be back until Monday. And, I'm making this a true vacation, and NOT taking my laptop! Yay! So enjoy and see you next week!"

1) Do you take baths or showers?

Right now, I take a stand up bath in a washtub, like your (and my) forefathers did... the pipes froze, the hot water line broke in the wall and so there's only cold running water at the moment. So I heat up a pot of water on the heater in the living room to a nice, rolling boil, mix in cold water to the "won't remove your hide like a blanched peach" temperature and go to it with a washcloth while standing in the tub. It works. Not as relaxing as a shower or bath, but you do burn a few calories shivering...

2) Do you like the water super hot or just tepid?

I like it hot, but not too hot to blister. Sadly, as I get older my skin gets thinner and I have to tone the temperature down.

3) Do you use bath gel, bath crystals, bubble bath, or other scented stuff?

The only thing scented besides my farts is the soap and the shampoo.

4) What do you like to do when you take a bath?

Blow Bubbles, but she's not in town alot and my wife says I mustn't if I wish to retain a close working arrangement with my huevos...

5) What is your one item essential to a great bath?

Sound reflective tile and no one else in the house. That way, I can sing without being interrupted by the ambulance crew working on the innocent bystander who's heart arrested at the sound of my voice...

Get your own list of questions, post your responses or a link to them over at The Sunday Brunch. You'll feel so much cleaner than if you steal from me...

Thought For Today

"Squeezing our money out of politicians is more difficult than squeezing blood from a turnip. To paraphrase an Oscar Hammerstein love song, once they have found a way to take our money, they never let it go." -- by Cal Thomas

Not true. You just need to let it filter through State Government's hands, call it Aid For Dependent Children (AFDC) or Medicaid, and watch the boondoggling begin.

Weekend Assignment #46: New Super Bowl Rules

Weekend Assignment #46: New Super Bowl Rules

It's Super Bowl Weekend, so naturally, there had to be a Super Bowl Weekend Assignment from John Scalzi, "blog-father" to the AOL Journals community, author, husband, father , and cheap date:

Weekend Assignment #46: Make one new rule to apply to the Super Bowl. This new rule can apply to any aspect of the Super Bowl, from the game to the spectators, to the halftime show, to the commercials. If it's got something to do with the Super Bowl, you can make up a rule about it.

Extra Credit: Your pick for winner of the Super Bowl. Naturally, don't bother doing the extra credit if it's Sunday evening.

Dear John,

How nice of you to ask for our input on this year's NFL Super Bowl Rule Changes. I, being the hairy, hoary curmudgeon that I am, would prefer to see the TOTAL ABOLITION OF AMERICAN AND CANADIAN FOOTBALL. Come on, John. The rest of the world plays football. We play some cretinous version of a field combat exercise, without benefit of the busted heads and bodies of true Rugby players, from which Am-Can football is derived. It's like Capture The Flag, without the flag. It's a disgrace. Enough said.

As always, our love to Krissy and Athena. That photo you had on By The Way yesterday of Athena really upset me - not only does she look like she's growing by leaps and bounds, but she doesn't have her seat belt fastened! Very disturbing. I don't care what you do - you're an adult. But there is no excuse for not having a child belted in. I have spent too much of my time dealing with maimed and dead children from motor vehicle collisions (not "accidents" -- there is no such thing) to let the matter pass without comment, John. I do hope it was just an anomaly from having her picture taken, but it sure looks like the belt is clipped in to silence the buzzer... and if that is the case, foo on you ... may the Great Bird of Foo do it's thing on you.

Grins and giggles,

wil

P.S. The Patriots. Because they are the home team where I live and certain death would accrue if I suggested the team I grew up rooting for, even if they are a bunch of bums and miscreants.

News From The Spam Front

Verizon, my friendly local telephone service provider, is also in the business of providing internet access to milions of customers. Turns out, Verizon has been slightly overzealous of late, protecting their customers by blocking entire countries who may have operators, miscreants all, who do some spamming.  So, let's say there's a particularly annoying spamcreant named Joe Turd. Joe's spam is brought to the attention of Verizon's customer service. One call from the service center and the system administrators have blocked the entire United Kingdom.

It appears that some of Verizon's customers are from Great Britain. They are very unhappy that their emails home are no longer available to them. So they're suing Verizon.

Read more about this mess here at Aunty Spam's Net Patrol. You'll be glad you did.

Quotes of Note

"My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat." -- by Will Rogers

 

"Money is human happiness in the abstract: he, then, who is no longer capable of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes his heart entirely to money."
-- by Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) Essays and Aphorisms

 

Morally Unequivalent

George Bush gives his first State of the Union speech of his final term to Congress and the Nation this week. Amongst many things the cabal behind the throne (Dick Cheney et.al.) will have him touch upon is the War on Terrorism. Bush's handlers plan on having him give us a genuine "come to Jesus" talking to about the fact we are at War and we are not prevailing ... no doubt, somewhere in there he'll let loose a few references to moral imperatives  I take this opportunity to remind him what a great statesman and illustrious Senator once said:

 

The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in
the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the
elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life - the sick, the needy and
the handicapped. -Hubert Horatio Humphrey, US Vice President (1911-1978)

 

Note the absence of references to war. There's a reason for that, you know. There is nothing, absolutely nothing moral about war. It is a filthy, ugly, reprehensible business. Yes, it must often be undertaken to halt tyranny. I'll even grant you that Terrorism is a worthwhile target of our might and scorn. But never delude yourself into thinking you have a moral imperative to wage war. Revenge is not a moral imperative. Wrath isn't, either. Security was never addressed by the Declaration of Independence. Individual security is discussed in the Constitution only as it is impacted by unlawful search and seizure by the government and its minions.

 

So when you are listening to George Bush's speech, do note the references to morality and where they are placed. It's an eye-opener.