John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #151: Valentine's Day -- Fun or Forced?

Next Wednesday is Valentine's Day, the day on which lovers everywhere disgorge flowers, chocolates, cards and gifts for their beloved. Some folks even propose or get married on Valentine's Day. So here's what I want to know: Weekend Assignment #151: Is Valentine's Day a genuinely romantic day? Or just a big commercial money pit into which romantic people fall? Go on, share how you really feel about the day -- whether you enjoy it, or feel like it's forced on you by greeting card companies, or fall somewhere in between those two poles. Extra credit: Suggest a nice romantic movie.

Dear John,

Great minds think alike? Fools never differ? Whatever!

As far as I'm concerned, Valentines Day is just another marketing ploy by the Chocolate Truffles, Greeting Cards and Teddy Bear Manufacturers, in association with La Cosa Nostra and DeBeer's, to rob consumers of any disposable cash before the various taxing authorities can get their share. But what I think doesn't amount to a hill of beans. When consulted, the women in my life might respond in less than agreeable fashion.

“Not so,” pouts SWMBO¹.

“Au contraire, si vou plais,” moues my step-daughter.

I'm outnumbered.

It seems the Pettybees² have spoken. Valentine's Day is a day for remembering romance. It is deemed thus by no less authorities than my wife and step-daughters. A day to reminisce as to why they married the silly blighter in the first place. A time to provide diamonds and chocolates and other suitable tokens of my esteem and affection.

Guard yourself well, wear your Kevlar undies – I know these women all too well. Attempt to mess with their day and you might as well leave a note for the milkman directing where your remains should be buried.

So the cartels get my few scheckels annually and my wife is treated like the Queen she is. I get one step closer to the grave. All is right in the world...

So do keep faith with your women-folk, John, as they are a pretty special lot. And to the rest of you ladies out there, I'm sure there's romance to had from that hard-hearted man in your life. Just give them another half-turn and look them straight in the eyes before they have a chance to utter a complaint. Worked with me, anyways.

Wil

P.S. I suggest When Harry Met Sally as a fun, light romantic evening, tolerable by even the most callow of cads.

1SWMBO = “She Who Must Be Obeyed,” the literary invention of Sir John Mortimer, Q.C., the author of the “Rumpole of the Bailey” series of stories, who uses the appellation to denote Hildie, Rumpole's long suffering wife.

2Pettybees = PTB's = the Powers That Be. A literary invention of Anne McCaffrey in the novel of the same name.