Weekend Assignment #29: My Shoes

John Scalzi, father, husband, author, blogger and blog daddy to the AOL Journals community has once again come up with:
Weekend Assignment #29: Your Shoes!
It's time for the Weekend Assignment -- I write up an assignment, you answer in your AOL Journal or blog, and then come back here and leave a link. Easy, simple, fun!

This week, it's the first of the reader-suggested Weekend Assignments. This one comes from Jevanslink:

Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? A pair that you wish you could wear for everything because you like how they look or you like how your feet feel inside them? They can be a pair you have now or had when. Tell us why they were so special.

Extra credit: A picture of them!

Dear John,

I see you are slipping down the slippery slope. What ever possessed you to choose a question from a Registered Podophile, a known foot fetishist? And we aren't talking Carrie in "Sex In The City" run-of-the-mill shoe fetishistas, either! Oh well, live and learn.

Once upon a time I was young and stupid and unem-gainfully-ployed (as opposed to being old, stupid and too lazy to get out of the way of a Mack truck). So I heeded the advice of one of my relatives, "Uncle Jack," and tried out the life of a woodchopper for a while. Secretly, I think Jack was trying to either kill me or persuade me to get a college degree. It almost worked when I pinned myself to the winch with a 28' tree section 2 feet in diameter ... but that's a story for another day. I do digress though, don't I?

Now, I wouldn't be true to my apocryphal astrological sign (Virgo) if I didn't do my homework and find out as much as I could about then-current harvesting techniques. Scandinavian safety practices were sweeping the industry as insurance companies had come to the conclusion it would be cheaper to simply pay out the face value of the policy to the beneficiary after the insured spent only a year in the woods than wait until the double indemnity "accidental death or dismemberment clause" kicked in ... death and dismemberment were hardly accidental in what was then the most dangerous industry known to mankind.

(No, dammit, I don't have a death wish - I'm an adrenaline junkie. There *is* a difference.)

So I went and got myself outfitted with the OSHA-recommended safety gear. A helmet with attached ear muffs and stainless steel screen to protect hearing and sight, heavy nylon gloves with ballistic nylon sewn into the back of the one you wore on the hand that holds the saw (as opposed to the hand that runs the saw's throttle), in case the chain broke on the saw. A high-visibility, tunic-like top so the skidder driver would be less likely to drive over me. Chaps to protect the legs and groin from flying limbs, splinters, rocks and chains. And the piece de resistance, the one that got me laughed at and out of virtually every roadside coffee shop and 'Mom and Pop Store' in the North Country - bright blue and orange, knee-high, bright as the Fourth of July, ballistic nylon filled, steel-toed, titanium-studded "Wellies" made by this oddball company named "Nokia" someplace overseas.

Up until that point in my life, rubber boots were something you wore when it rained. They were black or green. Maybe, if you were blessed with a steel toe in them, the toe cap would be a brick red affair. Maybe not.

These boots were bright. Gaudy. "God-awful." And the most comfortable footwear I'd ever experienced. Cold out? Put on a couple of pairs of wool socks and change out the wool felt liners and you were good-to-go for a ten hour stint in -20°F. temperatures. They had a full nylon lining in them, so you didn't have the sensation of inserting your foot into a metal freezer the way one did in regular boots. They were wide enough that my double D's fit comfortably, despite being built on a European last. And above all else, people either hated them or loved them at first sight, with amazing passion. In my case it was love, but I've met many a chopper who hate them so much they'd rather risk amputation by chainsaw and $20,000 fines from OSHA rather than be caught dead in those "pansy-assed things." That's the situation now. Back then, it was "Who let the pantywaist into the woods," kinds of comments.

I took perverse pride in wearing these things wherever I went. Tore up floors with the studs in the soles, catching them on carpet in stores and new pickup trucks with abandon. And I proselytized the safety features mercilessly.

I quickly discovered that woodchopping wasn't for me, but I continued to wear those boots long after I left the woods. I suppose people just chalked them up to another of my "quirks" (or was that "character flaws?"). They worked great in the garden. Super at streamside while testing my mettle with the local trout. Perfect by-the-door boots to walk the dogs.

Like all good footwear, after a long run, they wore out. The studs had long since disappeared, except for two in the instep that made standing on ladders a thrill. The waterproof nature was compromised with wear holes admitting the wet stuff by the gallon. But they were still the gaudiest things you've ever seen. I hated to see them go, but I couldn't afford to replace them with new because they're very expensive, compared to plain old "Wellies." So I closed the last vestige of that chapter of my life by stuffing some insulation into them and turning them into little nests for feral kittens about 20 years ago.

And so it goes. Give my love to Krissy and Athena and go get them matching bright orange boots so they can go play in the puddles together.

Wil

P.S. I figured you'd like to see those monstrosoties from the past, but I can't find any photos of me in them. So here they are, along with a pic of the studding kit. Enjoy!

NK2089
NOKIA LOGGER-F
CHAIN SAW SAFETY BOOTS
THE ULTIMATE RUBBER HIGH-TOP
WITH PROTECTION PLUS!
This high-top is fully-waterproof and features an approved steel toe-cap, protective ankle padding and a lace-up back. Its chain saw protection consists of multiple layers of reinforced rubber, plus tubular Ballistic Nylon material. This combination gives the Logger-F the most effective protection of any chain saw safety boot available.The back of this boot is specially tapered to fit the calf muscle, which reduces slapping and chafing while walking and the drawstring is at the back, where it’s less likely to snag. The Logger-F features a deep-tread,lugged sole for positive traction and is pre-set for the addition of optional metal studs (see below). These boots run slightly large, to allow for the use of optional felt pads and thermal socks, or will accept Nokia felt liners, specially designed for this boot (see below). Color: Safety orange instep / blue top.
MEETS CSA CLASS 1 AND HIGHEST SCANDINAVIAN SAFETY STANDARDS.

NOKIA STUD KIT
Although our safety boots feature excellent non-slip soles, some may prefer a little extra traction. If so, special Nokia-designed traction studs are available. The Nokia studkit contains 70 hardened studs and one stud insert tool. The studs are easily installed by applying downward pressure while rotating the stud inserter in a circular motion. For best results, it is recommended that the studs be installed before the boot is used. (Not intended for walking tree trunks while limbing.)
Item No. NKSK