John Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #123: Dog v. Cats -- There Can Be Only One

Weekend Assignment #123: Dogs. Cats. There can be only one! Choose which you prefer and tell us why. No weaseling out, people -- you can't say "oh, I like them both." You must choose! Don't worry: In real life all the cats or dogs won't disappear if you choose the other species. Honestly, as long as you keep food coming, everything will be groovy with your pets. So pick one, already. We promise we won't tell. And pets can't read.

Extra credit: Isn't it obvious? Cat pictures! Dog pictures! Go nuts!

Dear John,

Hope you've met all your deadlines and have managed to dodge the the swinging axe of layoffs that has recently cut through AOL. I know, even if you have been chopped off by the PTB's of T-W/AOL you will do just fine. So onward to the matter at hand, er, paw.

My screen name says it all, really. Olddog299. Which I took because some miscreant had grabbed plain old “Old Dog” which is how I'd been known on IRC for some six years before becoming involved with some folks on AOL and making the switch when my University of Maine account went south in 1996. I love dogs. They love me. We (dogs and I) have been deeply in love with one another for well over fifty years. The fact that I am currently owned by a total wuss of a dog and some dozen different cats notwithstanding, I am a dog man. I even look like a dog (some would say werewolf – close enough for government work). I approach the world in the same way my German Shepherd Dogs did. Reserved, but open to new ideas and experiences; cautious, prepared to defend myself and my loved ones to the death at all times; ready to kill if I must without regrets or hesitation but just as willing to allow you into the inner circle if you prove worthy.

I dislike the aloof, “Fuck You” attitude of cats. I abhor cat boxes but the highway dominates our “front yard.” The sad reality is that cats are similar to teenagers, they think they are immortal and can't be bothered to move out of the way of an oncoming vehicle – the vehicle should move for them. Of course, the world doesn't work that way, so cats around here either learn to stay out of the road or become food for the crows.

Dogs have been a major focus of my life in the past as a breeder, a competitor in AKC obedience and USA Schutzhund and as a member of local clubs in Maine and Vermont. Cats have been a footnote. That's as it should be.

John, take good care of the Alpha female and your cub. They're “Best In Show” and “Best Puppy” in my book.

wil

P.S. Extra credit – I've posted pictures of my dog(s) and cats in the past. Use Blogger's search function up at the top of the blog. It works a treat!