Sunday, September 02, 2007

John M. Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #181: Two Truths, One Lie

John's in a mischief making mood. See for yourself:

“I think we've done this before -- or something similar to this -- but it's been long enough now that I think we can risk a repeat, and besides, it's a fun way to get to know a little bit more about each other:”

Weekend Assignment #181: Present three facts about yourself. Have two of them be true. Have one of them be false. Encourage people to guess which one is the false one. When do you reveal the false one? On Monday, in a new entry (I'll be linking to your original post). You'll get two visits for the price of one!

Extra credit: Have you lied about something today (aside from the Weekend Assignment)? You don't have to say what the lie was. Just whether you've lied today. Little white lies count.

Dear John,

Happy Labor Day, kiddo. May all your labors be fruitful. And, for the most part, satisfying, too. For the rest, well, they have to be done anyway, so nose to the grindstone (ouch!)

And on this weekend, commemorating the bloody battles waged to gain a few rights in the marketplace for laborers that have been all but forgotten in this day and age by the worthless ingrates (our generations) in positions of power, I offer you your classic liars package. A three-in-one deal. Only happens once a year (I hope). Two truths, one lie. Each plausible as either a prevarication or verity.

1. I am the last of my line. My brothers both died without lawful issue and I have none, either. My father was an only child, therefore, this branch of the family dies with me. It was more of a branchlet, though. Just two generations. Indeed, my family genealogical website is named “A Dying Breed.” My mother's only brother had no children, either. Instead, like me, we fostered the children of another man. Neither my mother, my father nor I had sisters. So it's the end of the line for us all. No one left to give a flying fig that we were ever here. No one to tend the family grave sites. Fini!

2. Indeed, no graves for my brothers and me. They were both cremated, just as I wish to be. Ashes to be scattered at sea, just as I would wish. Instead, the ashes are on my file cabinet in unmarked boxes. Oh well, “ashes to ashes, dust unto dust.” Or some such falderol. Maybe I'll get around to that someday soon.

It is probably just as well, given all the genetic diseases that have cropped up. Diabetes, Rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, OSA, coronary artery disease and heart disease. And that's just me! I think this family is what would be referred to as an “evolutionary dead end.”

3. I am scheduled in November for a heart transplant, but it looks more and more like I won't make it until then. Finding donor hearts for curmudgeons is getting harder and harder as the Baby Boomers age. I have a rarer blood type, too, which complicates the process. Oh well, payback for a misspent youth, I suppose...

There it is. Simple paragraphs. Many truths, one lie. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to ferret out the shiny lie amongst all the gritty truths and expose it to the ridicule it justly deserves. Extra points for vocabulary. As always, the Secretary disavows any knowledge of your mere existence, let alone any connection with our organization. Your mileage may vary ... retain your receipt.

Give my best to Krissy and Athena. I know how I felt at the end of summer when school starts. Miserable. Excited. Sick to my stomach. Oh ya, there's two truths and a lie in this paragraph, too. By the way, for extra credit, I have lied today. Just for you.



Chris said...

Hmmmm if it's number 1, there's still time to remedy that, LOL.

Hopefully its NOT #3, but if so, best of luck to you Will.

Happy Labor Day weekend!
My Blog

Robbie said...

I sure hope you're lieing about number 3!!!!