Meme: The Who Would You Be In 1400 AD Test?

The Cardinal You scored 65% Cardinal, 20% Monk, 38% Lady, and 37% Knight!

You are the real power behind the throne. No one dares dispute or refuse you. Which is good because that's how you get things done. You are also, however, completely corrupt and highly immoral. This doesn't bother you in the least as you lounge around your rich comfortable surroundings, reveling in wealth and authority.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Cardinal You scored higher than 1% on Monk You scored higher than 20% on Lady You scored higher than 40% on Knight

The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test

Saturday Six - Episode 50

Each week, Patrick offers six questions to answer on a Saturday afternoon. Each week, like a zombie, I am compelled to answer them.

This is not a symbiotic relationship.

Get your own questions for your blog from the source and leave a link to your answers at Patrick's Place.

1. Do you believe that Terri Schiavo should be allowed to die or that she should be kept alive?
At this point there can be no "death with dignity" for Mrs. Schiavo. The enmity between her family and her husband, the prolonged court battles and the attempts to win their case in the press instead of the courts have precluded any chance of a dignified passing. No matter what action is taken, it is "wrong" in the eyes of a substantial number of people, ALL of whom have no say nor legal standing in this matter. The bottom line is this -- in the absence of a living will or other documentary evidence, the stated wishes of her husband have the force of law AND MUST BE OBEYED IN A LAWFUL SOCIETY.

2. Has the Schiavo case made you take any action towards creating a living will of your own?
SWMBO and I have reconfirmed to each other our desires to die without application of heroic measures in the event of brain death, quadriplegic infirmities, accidental or organic coma with no hope of recovery, etc. We each have pledged our willingness to risk jail time in order to assure the death of the other in the event we cannot take out ourselves without assistance. We both hope it never comes to that, but if it does, the other has marching orders.

3. Let's forget what we know -- or more likely, what we think we know -- about Schiavo's condition. If you suffered a brain injury that would leave you in a non-responsive vegetative state (whether Schiavo is in this state or not) and your doctors said that there was so much brain damage that there would be no hope of recovery, would you want to be kept alive no matter what?

NO. Under no circumstances imaginable. Absolutely not.

4. Has anyone outside of your immediate family ever asked you to be their "personal representative" to make such a decision on their behalf if they ever suffer a severe injury? Do you think you could really make the decision?
Yes, and yes.

5. Do you have a special outfit ready for Easter Sunday? Does your family have any special Easter traditions?

No, it isn't a holiday or event I celebrate.

6. What room of your house is the absolute messiest? Would you ever let a house guest see it?

My office and no, I don't let people see it if I have any say in the matter. That isn't to say that it isn't held up to ridicule by SWMBO - it is.

Have a great weekend ... may the skies be blue, the sun strong and true and your belly be full. They're forecasting clouds, sun and 40's here. That is as close to spring as we ever get.

Humor: The Mammogram

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, stripto the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice ... it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and stillpop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we canget everything?"

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps ...

Thanks to Mary who shared this via email...

Weekend Assignment #52(!): Going Hollywood

This Week's Weekend Assignment marks its one-year anniversary -- a whole year! That's a lot of assignments and some of you have done nearly every single one. I want to thank all of you for playing along, and here's to another year of interesting assignments for weekend Journaling fun.

For this week, we go west for the star treatment:

Weekend Assignment #52: Congratulations! Hollywood is making a movie of your life, and you get to choose any actor you want to play you -- yes, even if they're dead (the things they can do with special effects!) Who do you choose and why?

Extra credit: Name the musician/band who will play the theme song to the movie.

Me ~~~~~~~~~~~ Kris

See the resemblance?
What do you mean, no?

Easter Weekend, 2005

Dear John,

First, allow me to congratulate you on a years run of the Weekend Assignment. Propagating a meme for that long is a testament to your staying power. No wonder Krissy married you! :)

Also, it is good to hear your far-reaching intellect is searching out the answers to the important questions. 'Good equals Holy '- OK, I'll buy that. Now explain why Congress declares an Easter recess when the governmental promotion of religion is specifically enjoined by the Constitution? Or why those same numbnuts think THEY have what it takes to resolve a dispute even Solomon would abstain from deciding? Nah, I didn't think you'd know, either.

I do know this, however: if Hollywood ever chose to make a movie, or actually, a series of movies a la Gene Autrey or Lassie, the fellow I see playing me would be Kris Kristofferson. Starting from Kris's return from Germany to the present, he epitomizes the wastrel lifestyle I have pursued, the rugged good looks, craggy countenance and whiskey-soured voice I have. And the man can sing, something I am so completely unable to do...

I think a nice three-parter ought to do it. Unlike the theme of this weekend, my life story ends with the whimpers of an old man, not some jazzy holy ghost flitting hither and yon. But the music... I think "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas" writer Michael McDowell would be great for bringing my story to the screen, while Danny Elfman's score and Tim Burton's lyrics would do the right amount of justice to my checkered past.

Have a great holiday weekend. Teach Athena the true meaning of the celebrations around the spring solstice ~ returning fecundity to the fields and the fillies after the barren winter of the soul has passed ~ That is the true meaning of the Easter Bunny's celebration. The Church long ago realized that to contradict it was a guarantee the Church would fail, while rites of fertility would survive, so the least offensive of the symbols and rites were adopted as a sop to the common woman -- the true leader of home, hearth and society.

As always, our best to you and your ladies. May the weather gods smile upon your venue and offer blue skies, warm sunbeams and silky breezes to accompany your Easter bonnets.

Grins and giggles,

wil

Which Way Did He Go?

My wife received a $5 bill in change yesterday that bore the phrase "Currency Tracking Project" across one end of the bill and "See where I've been track where I go next" on both sides, stamped in red ink, along with a web address. I discovered upon going to wheresgeorge.com that the $5 bill had last been received as change at a Stop 'n' Shop in Worcester, Massachusetts on January 17, 2005! There are instructions on how to participate and begin tracking new bills. Just something I thought y'all would get a kick out of.

Which Newspaper Do You read?

Which Newspaper Do You Read?

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country into the ground.

via Nanovirus

Computer Security: Internet Explorer

This just in by way of Auntie Spam and it's a doozy insomuchas all Windows Computers and AOL for Windows are using Internet Explorer:

New Internet Explorer Attack by “Integrated Search Technologies” Works Even if IE is Closed!

A new type of attack on Internet Explorer has been discovered this week,
and this attack works even if IE is closed! The way that it works is that a user visits an infected site, is given a pop-up window asking them to install an applet from Integrated Search Technologies, and if they agree, the applet downloads and installs a ton of spyware, which in turn opens up Internet Explorer and starts doing its thing.

According to Christopher Boyd of VitalSecurity.org, the attack works regardless of whether Internet Explorer is open or closed, and regardless of IE’s security settings.

Now, there are reasons to hope that this attack won’t gain much traction, not the least of which is that the user is first prompted to install the applet, and one would hope that most users won’t do so. The installation prompt message even says that security certificate for the applet was issued by a company that is not trusted, and that the Integrated Search Technologies certificate has expired or is otherwise not valid.

Still, it is aimed at end users, who are by and large a trusting bunch, and who are occasionally known to click first and ask questions later. Plus, the Integrated Search Technologies attack applet has been showing up on sites which seem the height of innocence, including a Neil Diamond site.

The bottom line? If an Integrated Search Technologies applet comes a’knocking at your door, don’t answer.

 

PS - I know I often deliver fake news here with a straight face, so be advised, this is not a hoax. It is also why I left the text unchanged and in it's entirety, so you can check the original for yourself via the link up top.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Monday Madness: curiosities

How Many........

1. ...computer-related gadgets do you own?
Way more than I should own. At last count, there were seven computers here, all but 2 working. And all of their peripherals, terminals, monitors, disk drive subsystems, printers, etc.

2. ...pictures on your living room walls?
About a half dozen, at the moment. We change pictures on the wall frequently.

3. ...magnets on your refrigerator?
**27** -- I counted just for you! ;)

4. ...reference books in your bookshelves?
A couple of hundred.

5. ...boxes of cereal in your cupboards?
**5** Two are sugared, the purview of SWMBO. The unsweetened "hay" are mine - Nutty Nuggets, Shredded Wheat & Toasted Oats are yours truly.

6. ...lamps in your house?
About a dozen electric lamps; about a half-dozen kerosene lamps (we lose power frequently and for extended periods of time).

7. ...times a week do you shop for groceries?
Usually, twice a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

8. ...magazines do you subscribe to?
Only two at present - I take SeaKayaker and the better half takes Yankee Magazine.

9. ...tv programs do you watch on a regular basis?
CSI - Chocolate, Vanilla & Strawberry, West Wing, ER, Medium, House, Survivor, Six Feet Under, Sopranos, McLoud's Daughters, Gilmore Girls, Monk, Dead Zone, Crossing Jordan.

10. ...items on your bathroom counter that don't really need to be there?
We don't have a bathroom counter, so things tend to accumulate on the toilet cover and the answer is simple -- too many!

Have a great week. Don't forget, if you want to participate in Monday Madness, get a copy of the questions for yourself and leave a link to your answers in the comments at Otto's Monday Madness Web Site.

Geneaology: What's In A Name?

Geneaology: Surnames Frequency Mapping






Here's something I was referred to by Pharyngula. It's an interesting historical snapshot: a site that uses phonebook and census information to build maps of surname frequencies. Just type in your last name, select a year, and click, it shows you where people with your name were living in 1850, 1880, 1920, and 1990.

This all made possible, gratis, by Hamrick Software, the home of VueScan, an excellent tool if you use a scanner or digital camera. VueScan supports more than 400 scanners and 140 digital camera raw files and you can download a trial version for free here.

The Irish Sunday Brunch: Bushmill's & Bagels

Erica, a teensy bit preggers and a little ditzy, greeted her loyal followers thusly:

"Everyone, I am SO SORRY this is up late! Today is my hubby's birthday,
and with all the preparations for his party, I completely forgot. My
apologies!

How about an Irish proverb?"

"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was." -Irish Proverb

1) What did you do to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, if anything?
Nothing special. Gave the world an Erin Go Braugh and went back to sleep.

2) Did you wear green, and if so, what?
No, but, if I had, it would have been a Kelly Green necktie from the early seventies (it's about an inch and a quarter wide!) made of Irish Linen with an embroidered Irish Harp upon it.

3) Have you ever seen a rainbow from end to end?
Yes, out West you see them often. Not so, here in the East. No pot of gold to be found. When you reach the end of a rainbow it moves on you...

4) Have you ever visited or want to visit Ireland?
Yes, I want to, if my health ever improves to the point where I can walk a lot again, I'd like to go. I am half Irish, after all.

5) What is your best St. Patrick’s Day memory?
Nothing comes to mind. When I still drank, more often than not I'd have no recollection of St. Paddy's Day, and then, who wants to remember the loo you're barfing in?

Get yourself on The Sunday Brunch mailing list so you, too, can enjoy making late entries :) Don't forget to leave a link over at the Brunch's comments to your answers.

Meme: Which Twin Peaks Character Are You?

You remember "Twin Peaks", don'tcha? I fell in love
with Peggy Lipton all over again because of that show,
LOL. Well, Patrick stumbled onto this Twin Peaks
Meme that is a hoot. He's to blame -- I'm just telling
you the facts, kiddo.


You're Agent Albert Rosenfield, the snide and
superior forensics expert. Your tongue is
sharper than your scalpel, and it doesn't take
long for people to start hating you for your
supercilious quips, but you are the very best
at what you do. You don't suffer fools gladly,
but you give respect when it's due. In fact,
you're a good guy at heart, but so wedded to
your sarcasm that you can rarely stand to treat
people kindly.


Which Twin Peaks character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Meme: Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 111

Unconcious Mutterings -- Week 111

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Stink::Sewer
2. Renewal::Urban
3. I remember... ::a time in September, when youth were callow and oh, so melllow...
4. Loneliness::predisposition to isolation
5. Ooooh::Chocolate!
6. For real::No way
7. Titanium::Boeing
8. Get down::Platz
9. Rupture::Dam
10. Dramatic::Performance

Each week, Patricia, webmistress of La Luna Niña, offers us this tool to tease the corners of our brains. As an added benefit, you get a blog entry and some pleasure responding to the suggestions. What more could you ask for with your tea and crumpets?

Saturday Six - Episode 49

Saturday Six - Episode 49

Each week, Patrick dispenses with six questions and we answer. Get a copy of the queries for yourself every Saturday here. While you are at it, leave a link to your answers in the comments there. Above all, enjoy!

1. You know company is coming: do you panic and immediately begin cleaning house or do you sit back and relax because your place is already clean?
You had it right the first time -- except if I have had a chance to sneak out the back without being seen!

2. Which was a bigger surprise for you:
a) Robert Blake was acquitted
b) Martha Stewart did jail time
c) Scott Peterson was sentenced to death
d) The Michael Jackson trial began at all

3. What was in the last package you received in the mail?
A DVD from Diane of MT Headed Rambling as discussed here. Thanks again, Diane.

4. What commercial annoys you the most at the moment?
There are so many ... Quiznos rat things, Geico's "Fun With Fleece" bit, Oxyclean shouting at me in the middle of the night, likewise the various exercise bikes, treadmills, gizmos and their cousins the vitamins and supplements -- they all piss me off to one extent or another.

5. What charity was the last one to call you to solicit a donation? Did you give them money? Why or why not?
A local fire fighter's organization; nope, I haven't got a job or disability check -- just the allowance my wife gives me, and I'll be damned if I'll give it to an organization which employs professional fund raisers, only to fork over 80% of the donation for the cost of fundraising.

6. What common household product do you hate to run out of the most?
Toilet paper -- should be self-explanatory.

Weekend Assignment #51: Write a haiku about spring!

Each week, John Scalzi, self-absorbed science fiction author & AOL's Blogfather, issues a writing assignment to his faithful minions. Each week, said minions comply. Often hilarity ensues. Get your assignment here. Leave linkage in the comments there, too, to your haiku. That is all... Weekend Assignment #51: Write a haiku about spring! Haiku is three lines: Five syllables, then seven And then five again. Haiku from Japan Often concern the seasons. Why shouldn't ours, too? The Extra Credit: A drawing or a picture Showing spring in bloom! Spring has sprung, they say Nowhere has it, up my way. Snow it is, today. Maine has only three seasons: Summer, Winter, Mud. Spring fails, Autumn flails. A Maine Spring Unborn

How Would You Conquer The World

Shelley. Made. Me. Do. It.

How Would YOU Take Over the World?

Erin Go Braugh -- Ireland Forever

Erin Go Braugh

Happy Saint Patrick's Day, the only nationally sanctioned bacchanal in these United States. For those of us who find one to be too many and ten never enough, it's a lonely day. No one likes a sober bloke hanging about when all around people are losing their heads, or giving head in public... So it goes. *Poof* You're a green fairy!

How do I know it's St. Paddy's, you ask? Simple - at six o'dark this morning I was greeted by a television advert for Foxwoods -- that's the closest casino and den of iniquity to these parts, so they advertise heavily, attempting to entice deluded fools to drive 300 miles to lose their pot of gold, don'tcha know? Anyway, this morning the advert jingle was all gussied up to sound like an air from the Southern Counties, and there were Green Munchkins chewing on clay pipes and dancing the English Hornpipe, while an elf with Hollywood's idea of an Irish brogue was telling us all about the "Wonders of it all - Foxwoods" while the little green darlings cavorted through the casino and hotel, drunk and rowdy. It finished up with one of them sleeping it off on a king sized bed, curled in the fetal position, fighting the toxic effects of alcohol poisoning.

All very stirring, I'm sure. So go out and have a good one on me, drink your green beer and wear the color of the Boston and New York idiots who started this celebration down the slippery slope of alcoholism it has become. It is only fitting that Americans would miss the whole import of the event, anyway.

WARNING TO ALL DOG OWNERS
The State Highway Patrol, in conjunction with the FBI, has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis through-out the area. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs.

Thanks to my buddy Pam who forwarded this in email. Sadly, there is no attribution for the text nor for the photograph.

Monday Madness: College Daze

Otto has made it an easy one to do this week ... just fill in the blanks.... completely random!!

1. I wish I had more _money_.
2. I usually think about changing my blog layout when _a photo or other entry blows the margins to bits_.
3. If more people would be _considerate of others_, the world would be a better place.
4. I really should _do laundry_ more often.
5. The weather we're having right now is _cruel and unusual punishment_.
6. When it's time to plant a garden, I'd like to plant _corn_.
7. When I'm running late, I sometimes forget to _grab my wallet before running out the door_.
8. When I can't think of anything to blog about, I usually _clam up_.

Have a great week folks. If you want your own set of questions and to post a link to your answers, swing by the Monday Madness web site. Tell Otto that "Wil sent me!"

Sunday Brunch: College Daze

"Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or because they didn't." -L.L. Henderson

1) Did you go to college?
2) Did you live in a dorm or an apartment?
3) Who was your favorite roommate?
4) What is your favorite college sport?
5) Who was your favorite professor and class?

1. Yes, the University of Vermont. I have also taken additional classes at the University of Maine and Eastern Maine Technical College over the years.

2. I lived in apartments -- probably 7 or 8, all told.

3. Philip Rice - we started out sharing a room in a 4 person/ 2 bedroom fleabag in an old cheese factory. It was a horrible apartment, but Phil was a full-time engineer for a local TV station and was gone most of the time working up on the mountain We later rented a duplex apartment together that was surrounded on three sides by graveyards -- it was delightful.

4. I know it isn't PC, but I was fond of Cakewalk and worked the last Cakewalk festivals held at UVM. I met Janis Joplin at one of them.

5. Comparative Religion with Dr. Luther Martin.

Get your own copy of the questions for The Sunday Brunch and leave a link to your answers in the comments here. You'll be glad you did.

Meme: You Know You're From Maine When...

You Know You're From Maine When...

You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough. You call four inches of snow "a dusting." You don't understand why there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere in the county. You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them. You knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House. Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May. You can drive the Augusta traffic circle without slowing down. You've hung out at a gravel pit. You think a mosquito could be a species of bird. You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid State Park. Even your school cafeteria made good chowder. You've almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle. You know how to pronounce Calais. You've made a meal out of a Jordan's red dye hot-dog, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips and a can of soda. You've gone to a Grange bean supper. In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones. At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on your head. At least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill in here." There's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house. You crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly. Your house converts to a B&B every July and August for people from away that you happen to know. All year long you're tracking sand in the house-from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter. You have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every spring. You do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry's. You've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads! You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle. You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May. You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought. You've watched "Murder she Wrote" and snickered at the stupid fake accents. You know how to find the rope swing at the quarry. You take the New Hampshire toll personally. You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state. When you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie. There's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of your cars into it. You know what a frappe is. L.L. Bean's not just a store, it's a way of life. "The City" means exclusively Portland. "Salt damage" is a viable insurance claim. All of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o'clock at night. It's not a storm - it's a Nor'eastah. "Open 24/7" might as well be Greek. More stores have "Bienvenue" flags than "Welcome" flags. You eat ice cream with flavors like 'Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear". You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate frosting. You wouldn't eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder if you were starving! As a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat, mittens, scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool. The area around your back door is referred to as "the dooryard". You eat potato chips with flavors such as "clam dip", "ketchup" and "dill pickle". You call the basement "downcellah." There is only one shopping plaza in town. You use "wicked" as a multipurpose part of speech Your pickup has more mud on it then the ground around it for a 15 foot radius. More than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is moose. You enjoy a hot chocolate more than a margarita. If your "luxury vehicle" is a twelve-year-old rustbucket on wheels. If your dog eats better than you do, and more often too. If you never say what you paid for an item but how much you "give" for it. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maine.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here



More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Special Thanks to Nikki over to Running With Scissors

Unconcious Mutterings #110

Week 110

Patricia plies the ether with an eclectic mix of words this week, although I detect a hint of horniness in the list. Then again it may be me rather than she! Don't forget you can get your own list of words at La Luna Niña.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Shape up::Ship out
2. New Orleans::St. James Infirmary
3. In the bedroom::Sleep
4. All the time::Really?
5. Philosophy::College
6. Tyler::Steven
7. Disturbed::mentally
8. French kiss::foreplay
9. Solidify::ice
10. Furtive::weasel

Saturday Six - Episode 48

Saturday Six - Episode 48

Visit Patrick's Place to get yourself a set of these questions. Don't forget to leave a link to your answers in the comments section there. Here's mine:

1. Have you ever called 911 for an emergency?
Many times in the thirty years I have lived here. Once for a chimney fire -- it's embarrassing when the fire chief has to call in his own chimney fire. Maybe ten times for auto accidents -- the road gets slick and folks fail to slow to a safe speed for conditions and end up off the road and unable to continue their journeys because their vehicle is upside down on my lawn. Once for a brother who attempted suicide by swallowing a vast quantity of barbiturates.

2. Do you spend more or save more?
Than what? Than the average resident of the United States. Best answer I can give is that I am a large pack rat who hates to spend money if it isn't necessary.

3. How many live plants do you have in your home now? Do you give them enough attention?
One. The cat is slowly eating it to death. You be the judge...

4. What was the last thing you did to exercise? How often do you exercise?
Carried 80 pounds 50 yards from my car to the house ... so obviously, not enough.

5. Where do you compare with regard to your parents: do you feel like an adult, or still like the "kid?" If you feel like an adult, when did you first feel that way?

Both of my parents are dead and have been for over 27 years in the case of my father, 40 years in the case of my mother. I have felt like an adult, albeit a pretty stupid one, since I was 13 years old, two years before my mother's death.

6. Who is the last person you received a personal card or letter from that wasn't sent to mark a special occasion?
I can't recall receiving a personal letter or card in over ten years not associated with a birthday or Christmas. Excluding former lovers, it may actually be closer to twenty years, in which case it was a letter from my stepdaughter, Kate.

Have a super weekend. Dodged a bullet today ... only got eight inches of snow instead of the close to two feet forecasted.

Weekend Assignment #50 - Artsy-Fartsy

John Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #50: Art for Art's Sake

Time for the Weekend Assignment, and this week, we're getting artistic on you:

Weekend Assignment #50: Tell us about an artwork --painting, sculpture or other visual work -- which had a significant impact on you. Note this doesn't have to be your "favorite"piece of art, or the one you like the most (although it can be, if you want): I'm looking for the work that made you think, or affected you in an unexpected way.

Extra Credit: Assuming money was no object, how much would you spend on a piece of art?



Dear John,

Curse you and your thoughts of Spring! Yesterday it was -16° F for a low, the day before was -9° F. Snow, snow and more snow. It snows again as I type this -- another foot expected. Grrr and Brrr!

The first painting I am aware of that grabbed me was a print of a typical mid to late 1800's Romantic Realism piece of a lone wolf at twilight, high on a hill overlooking a small village in winter, smoke curling from chimneys and foals and lambs in the paddocks. I felt for the wolf, empathasizing with it's hunger. At the same time, I was terrified by the primordial fear that would rise inside me when I looked at that painting. That I could experience two such conflicting emotions at the same time amazed me and began looking at paintings in earnest. I was seven or eight. I never did learn who created the wolf painting -- the print was sold at a moving sale in 1963 and never seen again. (Much like my primitive attempts at creating art -- lost to posterity, unsigned and unlamented -- they were horrible.)

The next time I recall taking an interest in art was in my pre-teens. My uncle had purchased an old barn converted into a house in Chadd's Ford, Pennsylvania, which some artist named Wyeth had owned and my mother got all excited about that. I was curious and inquired as to who this Wyeth was and got myself a mini-education about N.C. Wyeth and Andrew Wyeth. Jamie is only a few years older than I am, so he wasn't a factor ... yet! Although, by then he'd already been studying painting eight hours a day for five years. Little wonder he is this country's best artist today.

Later, I remember being lost in a folio book of Dali; drooling over images by Van Gogh, Manet, Monet, and other Impressionists; and, falling in love with Andrew Wyeth's "Christina's World" and Jamie Wyeth's "Portrait of a Pig".

You have to know, John, if it wasn't already owned by the Museum of Modern Art in New York, I'd spend whatever it took to purchase the original "Christina's World". Millions, probably, possibly billions would be necessary. I'd then give it to the Farnsworth Museum in Rockland, Maine, which is where I truly believe it should reside, with the rest of the Wyeths that form the permanent collection. Much as I would love to "own" such a piece, I haven't a room in this hovel large enough to do the piece justice. It's a BIG painting. Then again, if money was no object, I wouldn't be living in this hovel in the first place. However, if it's any indication of where art falls in our lives, we gave ourselves full frames and matting for the two prints we bought for our wedding anniversary last year. It was a lot of money (high 3 figures) by our standards but well worth it.

Give our best to your bride and progeny, keeping sharp instruments out of Athena's hands when the animals are around. Tell her that "Uncle Wil" will be glad to take her out foraging for road kill next summer...

Grins and giggles,

wil

Meme: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test

Shelley is entirely to blame. No, really. Read about it here.

P... Phosphorous You scored 49 Mass, 41 Electronegativity, 27 Metal, and 10 Radioactivity!

You're high energy... really high. Unfortunately, you don't always put your energy to calm constructive use and sometimes let it all out in intense bursts. If your energy can be harnessed however, you will produce truly great things. I suggest you take up a job that runs you ragged... like opening and closing a Sodium-Potassium pump. Socially you ought to hang with a crowd that is even more social than you. If you don't, well... all those people who spontaneously combusted throughout history... you guessed it, phosphorous people who didn't have enough to occupy themselves. When picking friends make sure most of them rated high on the electronegativity scale... Chlorines, Oxygens and whatnot.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Mass You scored higher than 99% on Electroneg You scored higher than 99% on Metal You scored higher than 99% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

Politics: The Exit Strategy

Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy:
'We'll Go Through Iran'
WASHINGTON, DC—Almost a year after the cessation of major combat and a month after the nation's first free democratic elections, President Bush unveiled the coalition forces' strategy for exiting Iraq.
Full text »

From The Onon Weekly Dispatch, Volume 41, Issue 10.

Monday Madness - Reefer Madness

I swear, Otto at Monday Madness and Erica at The Sunday Brunch are in cahoots this week with their choice of Refrigerators and Kitchens as topics. Oh well, lets learn what we can about my fridge ...

1. What's on your refrigerator? (Please feel free to use a picture to answer.)
Photos, business cards, magnets of all shapes and varieties, reminders, receipts, keys on hooks ... and that is just the three vertical surfaces! Up top are mixing bowls, a scale, more keys, WD-40, duct and packing tapes (not the same, according to the fuddy-duddies at the post office!), crackers, a box of dog biscuits, a teddy bear, some light bulbs, a partial bottle of brandy for cooking and a weather radio. A picture would be embarrassing.

2. What color is your refrigerator?
White, supposedly.

3. Is the freezer on the top, bottom or side?
Top.

4. How old is your fridge? Does it match your stove?
The fridge was new in 1991 and it is the same color as the wood stove, but not the range.

5. How regularly do you clean the inside of your fridge?
You have to clean inside???

Monday Madness - get your questions here and don't forget to leave a link in the comments to your answers...

Sunday Brunch - Kitchens

 "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." -Harry Vaughan

1) What is your favorite kitchen appliance?

My range. It needs work, but having made do without for many years, I appreciate all that may be accomplished with four pot burners and a broiler/oven.
2) What kind of cookware do you have?

A variety of cast iron and porcelain covered cast iron (Colophon, Le Cruset, Wagner), some Revere ware that is over 50 years old and originally my mother's, Pyrex baking casseroles.
3) What color are your countertops and cabinets?

Natural wood and slate.
4) Name one kitchen appliance or gadget that you wish you had.

One of those mini-mixers by Braun.
5) Describe your dream kitchen.
My dream kitchen would have an old Blodgett 6 burner gas stove with two ovens and a broiler drawer, a Tirolia wood range and oven, a cooktop/downdraft grill in an island, soapstone counters and sink, natural wood (maple) cabinets (except for a Hoosier bake center), two dishwashers and a several refrigerators and freezers of the drawer style, sealed tile floors with a central drain and hose bibb cleanup, all adjacent to a large deck and separate dining room visibly connected. All appliances would be in a brushed stainless steel finish for easy cleanup. I love cooking - I hate cleanup. Lots of windows with cabinets under, allowing the accumulation of many houseplants, seedlings, sleeping cats, birds, etc. If I ever built a home, it would be built around the kitchen and it's need for access to the outdoors, the garage, and the rest of the dwelling.

 

Get your own copy of the questions for The Sunday Brunch and leave a link to your answers in the comments here.You'll be glad you did.

 

Unconcious Mutterings #109

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Week 109

I say ... and you think ... ?

   1. Usher::Theater
   2. Cherish::Baby
   3. Mistreat::Harm
   4. Forum::Penthouse
   5. Systematic::Search & Destroy
   6. Warning::Fair
   7. Wash::Car
   8. I wish::Right
   9. Candles::Birthday
  10. Metallic::Taste

Each week Patricia makes available a new set of words to tickle your fancy over at La Luna Nina. Get yours today. Be sure and post a link to your entries in the comments over there, too.

Imagine The Possibilities

It has been a while since I popped into Lost In Transit, the ex-pat group weblog that primarily focuses on Europe. But I did this morning and learned something.

 

In Sweden, everyone is paid on the same day, once a month! Read all about it here.

Saturday Six - Episode 47

Use as directed! Either answer the questions in a comment at Patrick's Place, or put the answers in an entry on your journal...but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! If you don't have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you'll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment there. To be counted as "first to play," you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (And if you're playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. What is your favorite color for an automobile? Is your car this color?
Red! Yep, my car is. The wife prefers silver.

2. You decide to start a diet on Monday. What is the "bad food" meal that you must have "one last time" over the weekend?
Fried Chicken - KFC Extra Crispy.

3. How do you balance your checkbook? In your head, with a calculator, or with software?
In my head I carry a running total, but check my account online to see what has or hasn't cleared.

4. How many of the Oscar® winner movies did you see before the awards this year? Sad to say, none. I'm boring, I know.

5. In what room of the house do you find yourself the most comfortable and why? The "living room" which is the former parlor. It's our everyday room, with TV, stereo, good reading light, sofas and, most important when surrounded by permafrost, it's where we have heat.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #49 from Scott: What is the "one thing" that the mere mention of sends shivers down your spine? Burns. As a firefighter, the risk of serious burns was always present, but it wasn't until I transported a boy with 85% third degree burns (he later died) to the burn unit in Boston that I truly came to appreciate the horror. Now the sight of third degree burns makes my scrotum tighten and my gorge rise.

Weekend Assignment #49 -- The Shill

Weekend Assignment #49: Your Product Placement

Each week, John Scalzi, reknowned author of the "Book of the Dumb" series and paid progenitor of the AOL Journals Community offers up a meme to trigger the creative juices. You can get an unexpurgited copy of the assignment at his AOL Journal, By the Way. Leave a link to your response in the comments on his journal. Enjoy!

Weekend Assignment #49: Congratulations! You've become famous enough to be courted for product endorsements and/or charitable cause spokespersonhood.

Which product or charity would you personally endorse?

Incidentally, while the idea here would be a chance to highlight a product/charity you enjoy or believe in, it's perfectly acceptable for the purposes of this Weekend Assignment to make an endorsement purely for the cash. So if you want to go in that direction, knock yourself out (note: the product has to be legal; the charity has to be an actual one).

Extra Credit: A picture of yourself with your beloved product, looking perhaps a little too enthusiastic (i.e., ham it up)

Dear John,

It's been a rough week around La Casita de Los Locos y Perdidos, let me tell you. Mother Nature dealt us a backhanded compliment by dumping another foot of snow on us on Tuesday. Driving the wife to work at 5:00 AM before the plows have gotten out and started clearing things was a trip. Actually, more of a slip, if you know what I mean. The rate of snowfall was a little over four inches an hour when we first started out, so the ten minute trip to town accumulated beaucoup snow, sleet and ice on the windshield and the wipers. Thankfully, the rate slowed to a more sedate level for much of the day or we'd have had lots more snow than a mere foot.

More of the cold and white stuff is forecast for the coming week, so I am enjoying this brief respite between storms to get some laundry done and hung out. Who knows, it might even "dry" before the next major snow storm. Of course, nothing really dries at this time of year. It first freezes, then sublimates. The end result is the same, though. Just takes about three times as long.

I do hope the power was restored in time to save Rex and Ghlaghghee from a fate that no cat would willingly suffer. Surely you had a box or two of el cheapo macaroni and cheese dinner set aside for such emergencies... Lucifer and Willow were not threatened by threats of such a fate as the good men and women of the hydroelectric company kept the lights lit for the duration. The worst I've ever been through was a week-long outage. Supplies sufficient to carry us through such an incident are on hand for all except the animals as they also figure in to the survival plan. Regardless, that was a wonderful photo of Athena hamming it up. The fur coat was a particularly nice touch...

I have been thinking about what product or products I might be willing to endorse in order to raise funds for a charitable institution. It's not like I have significant fame or such like that fellow who amputated his arm in order to return to civilization from a hike gone bad. He could endorse his Swiss Army Knife®. Nor am I a famous fashion model, so Victoria's Secrets isn't interested in me parading around in their newest line of bras and panties. Nor am I, for that matter.

I mean, John, I tear off those silly little tags they sew into shirt pockets. There are no alligators grazing my nipples on my polo shirts. Logoized T-shirts end up as underwear - I prefer plain T's when out in public. In other words, my friend, I am no one's willing shill.

My winter ball cap (worn as God intended, with the bill shading the sun from my steely gray eyes, except when shooting photographs) bears the logo of the New Balance Shoe Company, a formerly local manufacturer, only because I couldn't find a plain wool fleece ball cap for a similar price. I can't help it that my nylon and fleece jackets bear embroidered logos of their respective manufacturers; but I did see to it that I chose ones which had the embroidery in the same color thread as the jacket so it isn't visible without looking really hard at it to read the company name.

But overall, the one that has pissed me off the most often with it's persistent efforts to make me the unwilling shill for their products is Levi Strauss & Company. If I want to wear button fly jeans (my favorite for hunting humans and other varmints -- no zipper noise) then I have to advertise the freaking company from pocket tags, zipper fobs, button covers as well as those annoying leather labels over the right cheek of my ass, displaying my wide load characteristics for the whole world to read. So they are the most deserving of the royal screwing that comes with celebrity endorsements.

Now, who should benefit? Ironic as it may seem, Literacy Volunteers of America is my chosen charity. Lord knows, these advertisers would be up the brown creek sans paddle if their clientele was unable to read, now wouldn't they? But it seems they no longer exist -- they have become ProLiteracy America Different name, same aim.

So there you have my choices - I'll shill for ProLiteracy America, endorsing Levi Strauss's 501 Jeans. Now, to get you a photo of me in my 501s is a problem - Levi's hasn't sent me any in a while and I long ago outgrew my last pair...

And so it goes in the land of lobster and logging, where all the women are doughy and all the children are on Ritalin.

Grins and giggles,

wil

P.S. Almost forgot -- give Krissy and Athena a big kiss or three from us.

P.P.S. Here's a photo of the last pair of 501s I owned ... they were experimental, navy blue and I loved them. They were perfect for work, the wide waistband allowed for easy carry of a weapon at the small of the back in spite of a heavy belt with no unsightly bulges (other than my gut). The boot cut legs were perfect over my work boots while the built-in crease allowed me to appear dressed up for meetings.

[ Photo to come after daylight ]

Stupid Lawyer Tricks

From The Primary Main Objective... dateline March 1, 2005:

My Son's an Idiot...

... so I'm suing YOU

"ORLANDO, Fla. -- Teenagers in Orlando, Fla., are leaping between 80-foot high public parking garages in a new trend called "garage jumping," according to a Local 6 News investigation.

Local 6 News reported that the thrill seekers are vaulting themselves between garages in downtown Orlando.

Tim Bargfrede told Local 6 News that he was following friends when he attempted to garage jump and did not make it to the other side. Bargfrede fell six stories and was knocked unconscious on impact.

"I just didn't make it," Bargfrede said.

Bargfrede survived the 80-foot fall but was injured.

"The first time I came to the garage after my son's accident, I looked over and I just about broke out in tears," the boy's father Tim Bargfrede said. "I can't believe he actually survived. He looked like he was near death....

....There are no safety fences in place on the parking garage.

D'Assaro is filing a lawsuit against the city of Orlando and the private garage owner for making little effort to correct a potential deadly risk."

 

Thanks To A Special Lady...

I want to give a big shout out of Thanks to Dianne of MT Headed Rambling who took it upon herself to remedy my mistake last week of falling asleep just before Survivor: Palau came on by sending my wife and I a copy of the show taped off-air. She went above and beyond the call of duty and it is truly appreciated. SWMBO and I are now caught up, thanks to Dianne's efforts and eager to see this week's episode (we'll work real hard to stay awake this week).

What prompted such largesse? I whined about my stupidity and confusion in a comment to the entry Dianne wrote about the second episode and she graciously emailed me with the offer of a copy of the show. Muy considerata! Que lastima!

For those who love Survivor you have to know how silly we felt for snoozing through Episode Dos. Chalk it up to a bug going around.

Again, Dianne, you are the best - we couldn't do it without you.

Meme: Talent, Lifer or Mandarin?

Thanks to Crawl Across The Ocean we have a new meme to consider:

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 74%
Lifer: 33%
Mandarin: 30%
Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Who'd a thunk it?

Saturday Six - Episode 46

This week, the intrepid explorer of the human psyche gets waylaid by a consumer survey. Get your own copies of the questions at Patrick's Place and be sure to leave a link in the comments to your answers. That is all.


1. If a space colony could be built on the Moon or on Mars and humans could live there under protective domes, would you have any interest in living away from Earth?

I'd love to live on the Moon, assuming my doctors would all green light me to go. Once resident there, though, the naturally occurring effects of low gravity would mean I (and most other humans) would never be able to return to earth except as cremains. If then.

2. A commercial for a credit company starts with a man being denied for a loan because of his credit score (619) and then he encounters that same number in multiple places. Is there a number that holds some significance for you that you encounter fairly often?

Nothing comes to mind. Zero. Zilch. $0.00

3. How many items are in your refrigerator door at this moment? Of those, how many have you not touched in the last six months?

Probably forty or so. Aside from some packets of ketchup and soy sauce, everything on the door gets used pretty frquently. Unlike the back of the top shelf, which is a no man's land. There is a bottle of pickled peppers on the refrigerator door that only gets used once in a blue moon, though. Imported from Mexico in 1988, it assures that all Tex-Mex and Mexican food served at La Casa Loco is authentic... right down to the Montezuma's Revenge.

4. How often do you buy a movie without seeing it (either in a theater or through a movie rental)? What was the last movie you purchased without having seen first? Do you now think that if you'd seen it first, you wouldn't have purchased it?

Often. What's the point of spending $4 or more to rent, or $8 to go to the movies, per person, when you are going to spend $14 to buy it? In the case of movies we are unsure of, it makes lots of sense to rent first - but then again we wouldn't buy it unseen. Last one purchased was Ray! and I'd have purchased it anyways, even if I had seen it first.

5. What was the last thing you purchased at an electronics store? An office supply store? A department store?

Watch batteries, rubber finger tips for sorting and I don't recall ... it has been years since I set foot in a department store, even longer since I made a purchase. Anything available in a department store is overpriced, as far as I am concerned.

6. Do you expect to owe taxes this year or get a refund? Will this year's debt or refund be greater or less than last year's?

No income means no taxes and no refund. Same as last year.

Keep your powder dry, boys, and don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes. I didn't collect Patrick's questions until late in the day on Saturday, as he was terribly slow putting them up. Then the servers that be AOL decided adding entries would require a breed of chicken to sacrifice that they were out of down to the feed store. I even stopped by the local hootchie mama's on the way home and she didn't have any of the right ones, either. That didn't stop her from charging me her usual tariff -- a quart jar of white lightning. I sometimes think I make an addictive brew (it's all in the lead solder) ... then I kinda got side tracked with the Mrs. being terrible sick on Sunday and Monday and here we are - it's Tuesday already!

Monday Madness -- Time

Each week, Otto offers up at least three questions, brain ticklers to get the creative juices flowing. Taken in its entirety, it can offer a candid look into the psyche of the writer. Or not, depending on the writer's predilection in these matters - it might all be fiction. Then again, perhaps it isn't...

Sunday, February 27, 2005


Thank you for taking the TIME to play last week!
This week it's all about T-I-M-E!! =)

1. What time is it right now?
5:06 AM - time to get my wife up for work.

2. What are you usually doing at this time on any given day?
If not waking up, I am already up and reading blogs via Bloglines.

3. Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days?
Not anymore. Weekends are still too short, but weekdays seem just as rapid in their passing.

4. If you could make ONE hour of each day twice as long, which hour of the day would you choose?
The hour before I wake up. I desperately need more sleep.

5. If you could make one DAY of the week twice as long, which day would you choose?
Sunday

6. If you could make one hour and/or one day HALF as long, which time of the day, and which day of the week would you choose?
Saturday morning, just before waking, for the same reason as stated in #2, above.

7. Do you agree with the following statement? "The older you get, the faster time goes by."
That's the way I perceive it.

8. What do you usually do during your "down time?"
I read. I watch TV, I think, I snooze.

9. What one thing do you spend more time doing each day than anything else?
TV - I watch too much TV -it's bloody addicting.

Be sure to get your own questions and post a link to the answers in the comments over on Monday Madness. You'll be glad you did.

The Sunday Brunch -- Lunch

Sunday, February 27

Lunch
"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch." -Orson Welles

1) Do you take your lunch hour at work?
Back in the day, I either worked through lunch or I went out and ate, by myself, and took a small nap or siesta afterwards in the car. These days, I eat lunch at home most of the time, with the dog, the bird and the cat for company. Mostly, they are interested in what drops from my plate as I stare at the noon news , sputtering more times than not.

2) What is your favorite place to eat lunch at?
La Casa Loco - I make great sandwiches and have super leftovers - you don't get this big if you can't cook!

3) What do you usually eat for lunch?
A sandwich, sometimes with a pickle. Other times, it's soup or leftovers. Often I'll have a piece of fruit to finish up.

4) Do you have anyone that you eat lunch with on a regular basis?
Willow, Alexa and Lucifer -- the aforementioned animal cohabitants.

5) If not eating, what do you usually do on your lunch hour?
If I am writing, I will often work right through lunch.

Get your own copy of the questions at The Sunday Brunch. And don't forget to leave a link to your answers there, too.

Unconcious Mutterings - Week 108

Each week, Patricia offers us a list of ten words to free associate to or with. Sometimes there is a theme, sometimes, the list follows the internal logic known only to La Luna Niña. Get your own copy of the list over at her web site and be sure to leave a link to your answers in her comment section. This is one of those random weeks...

Week 108

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. You’ve got a friend::James Taylor
2. Immigration::Emigré!
3. Waitress::Dysart's (a local truck stop)
4. Snickers::Mars Bar
5. Recognize::Identify
6. Concept::It might work in a hundred years...
7. Birthday::Party
8. Told you so::Nana,nana, boo boo!
9. Unlikely::Never gonna happen, buddy...
10. Extension::IRS